1

(4 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Welcome Back Barb, Sure hope your feeling a little better with all that has happened to you lately.
Much Love,
Lisa Ann

2

(12 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Richard,

I am so sorry that you have lost your Dad. The story you told about him was very touching indeed. I haven't been able as yet to post the story of my Dad's life, as I just lost him on the 17th. I know how you are feeling, and I know that no matter what anyone says to you, the pain doesn't stop.
I chose to start a Memorial Site in his honor and rememberance, where I can share photo's and stories of Dad's life. It has helped me grieve, and recall the wonderful person he was. You can go to, http://jamesjholden.last-memories.com.
Please know that you are in my thoughts, and I as well as everyone here on this board are wishing you comfort and peace.

Hugs Lisa

3

(10 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Pam,

I am so sorry for your loss. Life just doesn't seem fair. Your husband sounds like a very admirable man, who managed to make his mark on this world in more ways than one. Please know you are in my thoughts during this most difficult time, and I only hope you and your children find peace.
I Lost my Dear Dad on the 17th, and I am hurting more with every passing day.
Hugs Lisa

4

(13 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Charlene,
I cannot answer your Questions, but want to let you know that you are both in my thoughts.

Hugs Lisa

Richard,
We spoke to hospice and had initially set everything up with them when Dad was told he only had months to live. I think it is easier on everyone, if it is done and in place before you actually need the services. Your Family and Dad will know ahead of time what Hospice is all about and what they can do and provide in your time of need.

Thinking of You in this Most Painful Time.
Hugs Lisa

My Friend Joyce,

I am always here for you and I understand now more than ever how difficult this time must be for you. Only having lost Dad 8 days before Christmas, I cannot imagine what I will feel like next year. This year, my heart told me he wouldn't be here, so for me, I never prepared to celebrate Christmas. I never shopped, I never decorated, actually I never gave it much thought.
I did have Wooden Rocking Horses made for my 2 Grandson's, and each of those were branded with "In Loving Memory of Great GrandPop Holden" in the hopes of starting a tradition. My Hopes are to see these horses passed down through the years. I am having a Cherry Wood one made for myself, that will have his Photo, Birth Date and Date of Death on them as well as some remembrance from me to him. I guess this is how I am grieving his loss. I also started a Memorial Site in his honor, and that is helping me tremendously. I miss him more each day, and this week has been the hardest for me. It is so quiet here without him, and at night when I close my eye's, I hear him screaming for help as he did the last night, an find myself running to him. I am hoping time will let that memory fade, as it is haunting me so.

I understand what you are feeling, especially during the holiday season. I am hoping that in time, I will just remember the Christmases shared, and all the joy they bought me with Dad's Santa Clauss spirit. He was such a giving person with such a huge heart.

I am here for you always when you need an ear to listen. I know I haven't had the time to post much, and I am trying so hard to catch up with everyone here on this board.

Much Love and Hugs Coming Your Way from PA.
Love Lisa

7

(15 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Caroline's Family,

Another Wonderful Young Woman, taken away to soon.
May you all comfort one another, and keep her spirit alive.
My thoughts are with all of you................

Much Love,
Lisa

8

(10 replies, posted in Blogs)

Katherine and Davis Family,

So Sorry to hear of Your GrandMama's passing. You are all in my thoughts, and I wish you the strength to remember all the good times and always keep her alive in your hearts forever.
Thanks for lighting a candle for my Dad on his memorial site, it just does my heart good, and is helping me to finally grieve.

Much Love and Comfort Coming your Way,
Lisa

9

(28 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Celoi,

I am so very sorry to hear of your great loss. I lost my Father on the 17th, also surrounded by his family. I still after almost 2 weeks, can't beleive it is real. I am certain your Dad wil be terribly missed as will mine. I hope that you can find comfort in knowing that you were with him until the very end, and fought the fight with him and for him.
You and your family are in my thoughts at this most difficult time.

Much Love,
Lisa

10

(17 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

I am adding a Page to Dad's Memorial Site and Would Like To include some of the Faces Of Cholangiocarcinoma from this site. Please E-Mail me Photos and a short story,etc. I feel as though most of you here are an extention of my family, and helped give me the strength to get through Dad's Journey.
I would Like To Dedicate a page on site in your honor.

Love Lisa

Missing U,
Thank you for sharing the poem with us, it is truly beautiful and comforting. I too have had to spend my first Christmas without my precious Dad. I never even had the time to give this holiday any thought this year, couldn't leave Dad to go buy gifts, wouldn't decorate, and just knew he wasn't going to be here. Christmas was always Dad's favorite time of year growing up as kids. He loved to give and he loved to put smiles on everyone's faces. Our Christmas's were the best and will always remain so clear in my memories. I am missing Dad as much as you are missing yours. You are in my thoughts too, as you helped me so much just being here to listen to me.
Much Love,
Lisa

12

(17 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

I am so thankful for all your thoughts and prayers, and thank those that have lit a candle for Dad on his Memorial page. I am finding the days are getting harder instead of easier and wonder if the pain will ever stop. I can still see my 4 brothers and my husband carrying my Dad through my house and down my steps for the last time. They did it with such care and love, and then I watched him taken away in the hearse, out of my driveway for the last time. I still hear his screams in the middle of the night, and I jump up out of bed to go to him. This greiving thing is a hard thing, and my heart is aching so. I Loved my Dad more than life itself, and I miss him more everyday. So much has happened, so many other things I need to deal with, and all I keep thinking is that I let him down when he needed me the most.
I ask him everyday to give me the strength I need to get through the coming weeks with my StepMother, in the hopes that he understands.
So much to tell all of you, but still can't bring myself to write it all down. It is hard to type with tears rolling down my face.
I wish all of you well, and know that you are all in my thoughts.

Love Lisa

13

(24 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Ted,

I am so sorry that you have lost your sweet Patty. I always read your posts and followed your story, thinking how great it must be to Love someone as much as you loved Patty. The Tribute to her was beautiful and It was wonderful to be able to see your faces. I wish you much healing, and know that she is always with you.

Love Lisa

Celoi,
You and Your Dad are in my thoughts and I hope too that he remains pain free and comfortable. Be there for him and with him, and treasure everyday you have with him. I lost my Dad on December 17th, and he was not pain free, so I had to watch him suffer. I wish that for nobody, and it should not have happened.
Much Love Coming Your Way,
Lisa Ann

15

(17 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

I am finding that as the days pass, I am missing him so much  more. I cannot believe that I cannot just go up those stairs and talk to him anymore. My StepMother has made such an ugly situation out of everything. She has hurt myself and my brothers beyond forgiveness. My Dad's wishes were to be buried here on the property, and we were to create a loving living memorial in his memory. The day of his services we were made to sign a document stating that she had total control of his remains, and that she was keeping them with her and he would not be laid to rest anywhere. It is so clear now to all of us, especially me, that she has and always has had total control of him,and still after his death. I am beside myself with anger, but have come to terms with the fact that we will never have a place to visit and remember him. I purchased a beautiful Urn for Dad, and had to sign that over to her as well, or he would have just been placed in a plastic composite box. I watched my Dad suffer terribly at the end, but she was in control, and there was nothing I could have done. I listened to him scream in pain for more than 10 hours and I still hear that voice every night as I try to go to sleep.
I hope that no one ever has to go through what I did, and I only hope that Dad can now see the whole picture, and knows that we never wanted anything but the best for him. He deserved so much more.
I will tell the story, as I need to let people know. I have a meeting set for next week with the Hospice staff, in the hopes that these cases be managed more closely, especially when someone is at the mercy of another.
For now I thank everyone, and if you could visit Dad's Memorial site and light a candle, it would make my heart ache a little less.

Love Lisa

16

(17 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Thank You all For your caring words and all your help listening to me babble when I was dealing with Dad's Illness. I have started a Memorial Page in Dad's Memory..........
http://jamesjholden.last-memories.com

I am only just beginning to grieve, as there is so much going on with Family and such. Starting the site, which will last a lifetime, is helping me get through. This is My time and Dad's and nobody can take it away from me.

Hugs Lisa

17

(17 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers. Dad services are being held on Saturday, and I am trying to stay strong for him. I have the support of my Brothers and extended family members, however things have gotten quite ugly between my StepMother and her possessiveness and control of our Father after he passed. Parts of my bad experiences with the hospice care he recieved at the end, were also due to her. As I said, when I can bring myself to tell the story, I will share it. I am forwarning everyone that it will be a very long post.
Thanks Again to all of you,
Hugs Lisa

18

(17 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

I know I haven't kept up with posting but things have been really difficult this last month or so. I lost my dear Dad on December 17th. He was surrounded by all of his children as he took his last breath. The night before he was screaming in pain all night, and there was nothing that could be done. He had developed a Kennedy Ulcer in his Sacral area that caused him more pain than the cancer itself. Unfortunately, we did not have a great experience with Hospice, as they never addressed this ulcer and many other concerns I had about his care and comfort. I never want to see this happen to anyone. I will write about my experience in detail, when I can type without the tears.

I want to thank everyone here on this board for all the support I received, and let it be known that Dad fought a Courageous Battle till the end.

Love and Hope to All,
Lisa Ann

19

(7 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Jliu168,

My thoughts and deepest sympathy go out to you and your family. Your Dad was a lucky man to have such a loving and caring Son. Take great pride in the fact that you were there for him through it all, I am certain you made him very proud.

Lisa

Joyce,

I have sent you a couple e-mails in the past few days.
You are correct, my new e-mail will not be up and running until tomorrow sometime.
Until then, you can send it to Wolfe39@ptd.net, and my new address has changed to Dane4Me@ptd.net. You should have gotten quite a few e-mails from me though.

I also just sent one tonight with pics of Dad and Me.

__Lisa

21

(4 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Val,

Funny you should mention that. My 73 year old Dad has been complaining of the same thing for months. He has not had any chemo or other treatments. I guess we can say that maybe it is the disease, I am not sure. It does effect his hearing though, which is already not good.

Lisa

Hi Glightfoot,

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts......It means alot........

Hugs Your Way,
Lisa

23

(2 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Marja,

Please know that you are never alone and you always have a place to come and let your feelings out in the open. I too am losing my Dad, so I know how you must feel.
This support group of people here on this board are wonderful. Everyone here is dealing with the same feelings and emotions. For us the cargivers, it is a place to talk openly to others in the same situation, or those that have lost thier loved ones. I know I find much comfort in knowing I am not alone.

My thoughts are with you and your Dad. Treasure every minute you have with him and make memories to hold in your heart. Both of us will face the reality of losing our best friends at some point in time, but as so many have told me, don't think about that, think about today and how you can make it a good day. Be there for him, comfort him, let him know how much you love him, never let anything go unsaid.

Hugs and Thoughts of good days to you and your Dad,
Lisa

24

(22 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Carol,

I am not sure if I can fully understand what you must be going through because I am losing a Father not a Husband. All though no matter how the loved one is related to us, we all go through many of the same emotions, it is just a very different kind of loss that we experience.
Husband's are our partners, best friends, and we do spend everyday with them.

I would think that what your husband is feeling is anger. He is tired of being sick and tired of the treatments that aren't making him feel any better. The anger, does cause depression and a feeling of giving up. They just get tired of fighting. In your Husbands case, it sounds as though he may still have a chance to fight this disease and be able to spend more time with the ones he loves. Don't let him give up, he is internalizing all of his feelings, and he has to let them out. Sometimes outside support helps, but not everyone can talk to a stranger.

Most importantly, you have to take care of yourself too. Obviously the way he is acting is taking its toll on you emotionally, and sooner or later physically. When my sister was dying of a rare cancer at 26 years old, she was angry at everything and everyone around her. You could not say anything to her that made her feel better, she was just bitter. Your husband is young, and I am sure he is thinking how unfair this disease is. He is too young to be faced with the possibility of leaving this world and leaving his loved ones behind, especially you. I am certain he doesn't want to give up the fight, but right now, he feels so helpless and tired. We all have to remember that when you are the person with the cancer, they  have a strong feeling that they are somehow letting us down too. They are worried about what will happen to us should they lose the battle.

You and your Husband are in my thoughts, and I hope he realizes how much you love him, and is able to get through this stage of anger and depression.

Much Love Coming Your Way,
Lisa

25

(12 replies, posted in Pain Management)

Fran,

My Dad has the same pain in his abdomen, and for 6 weeks nothing helped. He now has a Fentanyl Patch (Duragesic Patch), that has finally given him much relief. Most days he complains of no or little pain. He also has Oxycodone for breakthrough pain if needed.

Not sure if this will help, but it did for my Dad. I sure hope they get him something soon.
You and your Husband are in my thoughts as I know very well how frustrating this is for both of you.

Lisa