Julie, I'm riding in a different car on the same road with you here... although I choose not to do the adjuvant chemo.
I am constantly reminded about this disease by my massive "shark bite" scar, odd/different feelings in my abdomen, emotions, thoughts, and memories of what's occurred over the past 10 months, etc. I worry about the next scan or blood test results. Waiting to see if or when the roller coaster will drop again. I read new posts in the Introductions thread here with interest but apprehension because I empathise so deeply with others who have/had this disease.
It's been long enough that it's starting to feel surreal - did this REALLY happen to ME? If you're not there yet, you will be - I'm confident in that.
I've changed, that's for sure, and I know you and everyone else has too. I try focusing on the simple moments in everyday life that make it all worth it. Holding my youngest boy's hand when I pick him up after school and feeling his soft, warm, skin, for example. In Virginia, driver's licenses are given to a parent by a judge at an official ceremony vs. directly to the new driver (strange, but true) and just this week I took my daughter to get hers. She thanked me for being there and I let her know how glad I was to be able to... we both got teary and I let her know that I look forward to her high school graduation, first day of college, college graduation, marriage, etc. Maybe that's a bit too optimistic, I really don't know, but then again, who does, I suppose.
Every night I thank God for the memories made this day and tell him that I look forward to tomorrow's.
Anyway, enough rambling... I'm "here", "with" you and glad to see you're doing well!