Joyce, what a lovely post! It was nice to hear more about your Mum!
If I had had my Mum around all the time, I think my loss would be harder to bear. Losing a loved one is the pits, whichever way you look at it. But I feel other peoples losses very much, because so many of you have had your loved ones around on a daily/weekly basis. I can only imagine what the loss of that regular contact must feel like. It must be absolutely devastating. My Mum moved to Greece about 18 years ago. I would see her every year, but it is not the same as sharing your life with a person, and having them die. It must leave such a gap in your life. Like Patricia with her husband, to name one of a few. And Jules who has spent the last 2 years battling this on a weekly basis with her dad. I do not mean to leave ANYONE out of this, each and everyones stories touch me deeply.
I guess I could be upset that I didn't have my Mum around for the last 18 years, but the thing is, she was doing what she wanted to do. When she first left, I used to feel angry at times that she wasn't around to help me with the nitty gritty parts of life, when I could have done with her being around. But, that passed, and I just felt proud of her, that she had followed her dreams. Funny thing is, even though she wasn't here physically for me, she was in later years (she was homeless, by choice for at least the 1st 9 of her years away), contactable by phone, when she eventually decided to get a mobile phone, and that was somehow enough. Her love and unconditional acceptance of my life, was always with me.
However, I digress. The point is, when you have a week by week existence with a loved one, their death must surely be harder to cope with. How could it NOT be?
I feel very keenly how much losing your Mum has affected you, and your everyday life.
Bloody annoying really! Yes, I also get the feelings about "TOO SOON! SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE TIME!!!"
Grief does seem irrational sometimes. But is it what it is, ultimately. Grief.
Much love to you Joyce!