It's been a while since I dropped in. As some of you may remember, I lost my Mum to CC about 20 months ago, April 2007. This forum was a lifeline to me during Mum's illness, and in the aftermath of grief.
I just wanted to wish all of you a Happy New Year! I am so glad to see how this forum has grown, and so glad to see some of you are still alive and KICKING!!
I just wanted to let you all know that whilst I rarely drop by now, I still think of you all, and wish you all well, patients and families alike. This board is such a kind and human place, so full of love, it is a treasure.
I wish all of you the very very best for 2009, and want you to know that my heart is still with you all, and even if I am not visiting much, I shall never ever forget the kindness and friendship I experienced through this forum.
Huge HUGE hugs and soppy kisses to you all!
I don't know if this is worth looking into for any of you, but I thought I would post the link to a short article that is saying that fasting helps counteract the effects of chemo.
Love to you all
Hope you rested up well Jeff, and I hope your blood platelets have mutiplied and are in good fighting form! Hang in there love, keep up the humour! Thinking of you!
So sorry to hear what's going on for you.
I don't know if you have similar stuff in US, but here you can get Macmillan Cancer nurses to help out at home. Is there something similar for you I wonder?
Hospice seems such a big decision to make, but having been there myself, it was such a relief, because I know I couldn't have given my Mum the level of care that was available there. I spent a lot of time there in her final week (she was only in there 10 days before she died), and the practical stuff you speak of (like going to the toilet) was quite hard as she too was weak, but I could always call for help if I needed it, which was such a blessing.
It is so hard to know what to do. I really wanted my Mum to be at home here with me and my family, but realistically, she needed more care than I could give.
Have you spoken to your Mum about it? How does she feel about going into a hospice?
I would say that a visiting nurse would be a good place to start, because they will be able to assess her needs and advise you.
Oh love, sorry you are having a hard time, and hope that you will be able to get some help, as it is a lot to be doing alone. It seems like a hard decision to make, because no doubt you really feel that you would like to do all you can for as long as possible. But extra help will give you a bit of a break, which I think you will really appreciate. I remember just feeling so grateful that the burden was not all on my shoulders. It's hard to pass on some of the burden, as it make you feel like you aren't "doing enough", but as a carer, you need to have break from it all sometimes, even if it's just an hour, as it makes it so much easier to do what you are able to do/want to do, witthout so much pressure. Hope that makes sense.
Take care, and look after yourself.
Much love X
Hello everyone, Betty, Patrice, Charlene Teresa and Joyce,
Gosh, what a lot of different replies!
Charlene, it is still so fresh for you. It took me several months to recover from the horrible bits. I just kept reminding myself that in the bigger picture of Mum's life, the suffering at the end was a small blip compared to all that had gone before. It is so so painful to watch someone you love suffer. I hope that time will give you the healing you need.
Teresa, I cannot imagine for a moment how it feels to lose a child, oh my, I love my kids so much (like we all do) and the thought of out living them is one of the few things that scares me in life. To now be losing your husband TOO. Oh love, what can I say, I can only send you love and strength. My heart goes out to you.
Thanks for enjoying my Mum Patrice! I also know what it is to cry reading other people's stories.
Betty, life must be strange, losing your man, and now your job. Maybe you can find some voluntary work or something? I hereby award you the official Yard of the Month cup!!
And lovely Joyce, I know how hard losing your Mum hit you, and hope that life is slowly getting better for you! If I ever ever come to New York again in my life I will be looking you up for sure!
This site is another place that always reminds me of the kindness of strangers! With conditions like CC, status/country/nationality etc are rendered unimportant, and we are reminded that we are just people, families, helping to support eachother. Out of the ugliness of it all there is beauty too.
Much love to you all, those who have added to this thread, and all who come here.
Her name was Prue Corlett, Patrice! She wrote a book about her travels called These Vagabond Shoes! Still available on Amazon, but horribly expensive for some reason, considering it was never a best seller! Here are links to photos of her.
This one is of me and Mum shortly after she came out of hospital having had her resection in July 2007
This one is of Mum at her caravan on the Greek Island of Kefallonia
http://s13.photobucket.com/albums/a279/ … I_2814.flv
This is the video that shows Mum at her eccentric best, with her animals! Never fails to make me smile!
Thanks for your kind words Jeff, and Patrice.
Jeff, Joyce and I have always vied to have the longest post ever on this site!! I'm pretty sure you are in the runner up bracket!!
You keep smiling too Jeff, and keep on enjoying your life!
Well, a year has passed, officially tomorrow in fact, but a year ago last Friday night was when Mum finally left us.
On Friday I got out the letters she sent me over the years from her travels. I sat up till 3 am putting them in date order, and filing them! Then yesterday, it was raining, so I took my kids to town to a play centre, and whilst they were off frolicking, I sat down with a flask of tea, and began reading them! What a treat! I'm not even half way through, but it is so nice to read back on the last years of her life. She left UK in 1989, and wrote to me regularly from wherever she was (mostly Greece/Italy). What a woman! What an inspiration! Needless to say I still miss her, but I don't feel so bad now. My big black ball of sadness that I previously described is now a small pink smooth one, and no longer lodged in my stomach, it is now firmly planted in my heart! I just feel very very lucky that she was on this earth as long as she was. NOT LONG ENOUGH mind, but I am thankful for knowing her as long as I did.
I have sent her picture through to Faces of CC today, so hope she will appear there in the next few weeks.
Much love to you all. I don't visit here so often now, but I will always be grateful for all the support I was given from everyone, and most grateful that I found this site when I needed it, because I feel that with all that went on, it would have been so much less easy to bear without your support.
Lots and lots of love to you all
Re: First time here, mother passed at age 54 in 2006 (7 replies, posted in Grief Management)
Oh Liz, what a lovely read, even though it is sad. Just wanted to say hello, and thank you for coming here and sharing with us all. Your Mom sounds like she was a lovely lady. I'm glad you stuck by her advice and followed through with college. Well done! I am 43, my Mum died this time last year. Your post made me realize how lucky I was to have her around for such a large part of my life, it really struck me how young you are to have to deal with such a loss, the feeling of wishing your Mom could see how you've done, and all the things you won't be able to share with her. I hope for you that the pain of your loss will diminish in time, and I am sending you lots of love all the way from UK!
Much love, Kate
Re: Surgery unsuccessful :( (15 replies, posted in Surgery, Resection & Transplant Treatment Options)
SO so sorry to hear your news. Haven't been by for a couple of weeks, and remembered you were having surgery, so was really sad to hear your news. I have to say, if I was in your position (which of course I'm not), I think I would go for another opinion, and sod the financial stuff. It's your life!! If someone MAY be able to help, you need to check it out I reckon!
I can't imagine the shock of going in for the op, and waking up to this news.
I'm sending you loads of love and hugs from UK!
Keep going, don't give up, coz........YOU'RE WORTH IT!
Re: Green light on surgery! (15 replies, posted in Surgery, Resection & Transplant Treatment Options)
Lisa, I hope you will be checking in in a while with good news. Hope the surgery went well, and that you are doing OK.
Hi Patricia. I don't come by the site too often now, but pop in every couple of weeks for a nose, to see how everyone is doing.
I just wanted to say that I too have the same kind of feelings that you do. It is not quite a year since Mum died (21st April), but I often find myself wishing that I'd made more time for her when she was staying with us, wondering how I could have done more for her etc etc. Like you, I know it is not necessarily rational thinking, it comes from a place of sadness and pain.
Just wanted to say hi really, and to let you know that you are not alone. Much love xxx
Dear Richard, I am so sorry to hear that your Dad has died. Your post was very moving, and it is very obvious how dear he was to you all. All I can do is send you lots of love and hugs, and wish you and your familywell in the coming months. x
So sorry to hear your Dad has gone Lisa-Ann. I know how you are feeling, and am sending you lots of love and hugs from UK. Much love to you and your whole family. I'm sorry he had to suffer, and I'm glad he'll be at peace now.
As always Jeff, I'm sad to hear bad news, and always I am sending you much love all the way from UK, and I too hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving, with LASHINGS and OODLES of delicious gravy!! Much love to you! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello Ron. So sorry to hear that things have gone pear-shaped for you all over again. I refer to the CC of course, not the footie!!
Just want you to know that down here in Sussex, I am thinking of you and wishing you well. Much love.
Hey Jules. So sorry you are having such a hard time. Everyone else has said all there is to say, you are grieving, that's how it is.
I'll email you. xxxxxxxxx
Party away love..............you KNOW it makes sense!! What a wonderful idea!
Re: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin (124 replies, posted in Introductions!)
You're doing fine LIsa, you've got it right!
Much love to all of you x
That's great news Kim! Keep us posted on how things go! REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND! xx
Don't worry Joyce, the thought that you were trying to "downstage" my grief never even occured to me! I'm just very aware that my suffering could be alot worse.
Yes indeedy, here's to our Mums, hip hip HOORAY for the wonderful lives they led!!
Dear Rhodymn, so sorry to hear your man has been dignozed with CC. And what spectacularly bad timing! YOu must both be very upset and very scared, when this should be the time you look forward to the rest of your lives together. So sorry.
As MU says, hopefully his age and fitness will be a defining factor in all this. I hope his treatment continues to go well, and let's hope the Mayo Clinic are able to offer you more.
Much love to you both.
Lets hope he continues to improve Celoi.
Sending love to you and your Dad and family.
Joyce, what a lovely post! It was nice to hear more about your Mum!
If I had had my Mum around all the time, I think my loss would be harder to bear. Losing a loved one is the pits, whichever way you look at it. But I feel other peoples losses very much, because so many of you have had your loved ones around on a daily/weekly basis. I can only imagine what the loss of that regular contact must feel like. It must be absolutely devastating. My Mum moved to Greece about 18 years ago. I would see her every year, but it is not the same as sharing your life with a person, and having them die. It must leave such a gap in your life. Like Patricia with her husband, to name one of a few. And Jules who has spent the last 2 years battling this on a weekly basis with her dad. I do not mean to leave ANYONE out of this, each and everyones stories touch me deeply.
I guess I could be upset that I didn't have my Mum around for the last 18 years, but the thing is, she was doing what she wanted to do. When she first left, I used to feel angry at times that she wasn't around to help me with the nitty gritty parts of life, when I could have done with her being around. But, that passed, and I just felt proud of her, that she had followed her dreams. Funny thing is, even though she wasn't here physically for me, she was in later years (she was homeless, by choice for at least the 1st 9 of her years away), contactable by phone, when she eventually decided to get a mobile phone, and that was somehow enough. Her love and unconditional acceptance of my life, was always with me.
However, I digress. The point is, when you have a week by week existence with a loved one, their death must surely be harder to cope with. How could it NOT be?
I feel very keenly how much losing your Mum has affected you, and your everyday life.
Bloody annoying really! Yes, I also get the feelings about "TOO SOON! SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE TIME!!!"
Grief does seem irrational sometimes. But is it what it is, ultimately. Grief.
Much love to you Joyce!