Dear Brigitte, unfortunately it is all the new normal. I lost my husband 6 years ago to CC but I grandly carry on as that is what he would have wanted for me to do. You are doing all the right things but I have one question, are you a believer in the beyond? Honestly that has brought me so much comfort. I even keep a log in the computer of his visits. December 6th will be 7 years and I have 118 visits. I also have a list of Signs that your loved one is around you. It may seem silly to some but we do have many believers on this Board. I post it to show that we really are in our club together. This is a poem I wrote about 4 months after Teddy relocated:
How Are You Doing?
Everyone asks me how I’m doing since you went away,
With a smile on my face I answer, “I really am okay”.
Matter of fact its very hard but I promised to be strong,
Until the time we meet again, in your arms where I belong.
In the morning when I wake, once where there was warmth all night,
There’s nothing but an empty space and a pillow to hold tight.
Our closet now holds all my clothes it still looks kind of strange,
I try to make it look like more and constantly rearrange.
When I’m in the kitchen and working at the sink,
Many times I stop and this is what I think…..
If Teddy was here he’d grab me to give a little cue,
That he was about to hug me and say his, “I love you”.
No more are the corny jokes that grew longer by the year,
What I wouldn’t give now for just one more, to hear.
When someone calls, your message is still kept on the phone,
That way no one knows I am really home alone.
When day is over and dinner is eaten by one,
No more thank you-s for the meal well done.
Can’t find anyone to scratch my back,
There’s just a big hole here, a hole of midnight black.
But, how am I doing? I’m doing okay,
I know that you would want it that way.
And I know you are with me morning to night,
Still watching over me, that every things all right!