Kris, I couldn't get you out of my mind last night, your spirit, your encouragement and saucy attitude.  I know you have this huge radiant glow about you.  I bet there isn't one person you're ever met that didn't like Kris.  To read your feelings on the child you might never have breaks my heart, but don't think that  Hans will have nothing left of you or the love you have between you.  He'll remember the softness of your hair and skin, the strength you impart to others, the encouragement and the way you can make people laugh with your posts.  There isn't one little thing he's going to forget about you, Kris,  he'll remember "what a woman, she brought out the best in me."   

And besides who knows what's ahead?  You're still here, aren't you?

Love,
Sophie

2

(12 replies, posted in General Discussion)

You have all been so loving and compassionate, and I feel selfish for not not posting.  One post Hollie read to me from Kris was that if I was not posting because I had no strength, that was one thing, but if I was not posting because I was depressed and didn't want to bring everyone else down, that was another, and I should vent. (somewhere along that line of thought)   We're here to listen to each other. 

my condition as of now - I have had ascites for over a year and I have had weekly ultrasound paracenteses for over a year, never missing a week.  It varies from 5.3 to 7.8 liters but normally is around mid 6 liters.  So I gain 10 to 12 pounds of ascites in my belly; it's drained, and I lose it, and it starts coming back right away.  This has severely lowered my potassium and albumin, but the doctor doesn't want to give me an IV because he says it will go right back to the ascites in my belly.  I stuck with every chemo he wanted to try, but around April it was just too much being sick with the ascites and and chemo so I stopped the chemo.  My immune system is now so compromised.  I take 3 potassium pills a day, 2 hydrochlorothiazide pills with a furosemide pill, Ambien to sleep, stool softener.  Then the oral yeast infection came and all the mouth sores.  Magic Mouth Wash didn't work; the diflucan didn't work and then he added 5 ascyclovir per day- then all that together - nothing is working.  My neighbor bought me the biotene toothpaste, some acidophilus pills and some yogurt with live cultures.  I'm rinsing with salt water a few times a day.  I can't get it all down not mentioning stool softeners and laxatives.  Doctor Ending with there is nothing more we can do for your mouth.  This is long, I know.  The potassium pills and the ascyclovir pills are big enough to put a saddle on and ride.  I'm at a loss and wallowing. 
I truly, truly appreciate your encouragement and support and pray for you each night.

Love,
Sophie

To the family of Jeff Gerrish,

We all depended on Jeff so much, and he cheerfully and positively helped us even throughout his own anxiety and suffering.  This site has lost a fine man with so much strength and character and grieves with you and for you Valerie and family.  I am glad Jeff doesn't have to suffer anymore, and he is at peace.  He walks beside God now. 

My prayers for you,
Sophie
Maybe we can all carry on if we remember Jeff's mantra from the Eagles, Take it to the limit one more time."

4

(11 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Hello Karen, I had a portal vein embolization.  What your surgeon intends is for the part of the liver that's not shut down  by the portal vein embolization to grow,  and then he'll remove the diseased part, and if there is any little thing on the good part, I believe he'll do an RAF on that part during the surgery.   Right?  It didn't work for me because after the wait, on the day the started a laparoscopy to make sure everything was a go, he surgeon was stunned to find I had cirrhosis of the liver.  I've never drunk alcohol or beer in my life, and cat scans never gave any indication or blood tests either that my liver was compromised with cirrhosis.   Mine is called NASH.  So they closed back up and resection was out. 

But I digress because you want some questions answered.  I had no side effects.  There was a problem because my liver was a little higher than most, and it did take the radiologist about 4 hours, but he did a good job.  It was done on an outpatient basis, and I went home that day.  I did throw up twice on the way home from the stress, sedation, and the commuter traffic drive, but other than that, I didn't really experience any pain or nausea from those days after.  I would have to say no side effects from portal embolization procedure. 

All my best to your husband and you,
Sophie

5

(46 replies, posted in Blogs)

Dear Jeff, Rachel & Valerie,

If an inspirational book should be written about anyone, it should be about Jeff Gerrish.  His heart is as big as the whole outdoors.  The encouragement, inspiration, advice,  information, and compassion I've received from him from the time I was diagnosed is overwhelming and has helped and comforted me, and he always would call me "girl."  Sophie girl or something like that.  I'd always laugh.  I feel like God put Jeff on this earth as one of those special people to guide and help us.   Please hold his hand for me and tell him it's from Sophie.  My prayers for Jeff and your family.

Love
Sophie

6

(8 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Dear Carol, I haven't watched the tribute yet, but I plan to tomorrow.  Now I have been reading your caringbridge site and copying some of the beautiful prayers from the site.  I have them taped together so that I might use them to help me pray with the same courage as you and Charlie.  Thank you so much for sharing the journal.  I pray for you and your family.
Love,
Sophie

Dear Carol, it's a beautiful song and easily made me cry.  I wish God would give me a message to give me some strength. 

Sophie

Lisa, I'm so delighted for you that your retirement went through and the SSD came through immediately with no problems for you to handle.  Daily miracles, Lisa, and so appreciative when they arrive.  God Bless You and your family, Lisa.

Love,
Sophie

9

(22 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Dear Irene,  so glad that you are ecstatic and calmer and glad for that lazy tumor.  You certainly are a courageous woman, Irene.  Would you sprinkle a little of that courage on me?

Love,
Sophie

10

(22 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Dear Irene,

My hopes and wishes for a great scan are with you, Irene. 

Love,
Sophie

Dear Jane,
I am so sorry about Caroline's death.   Only those of us who are fighting this disease truly know the anguish and anxiety of not being ready and leaving those we love so much.  And  loving family members like yourself know what it's like to feel the grief and are sharing your pain right now because they have been or are now making this painful journey.  It is my prayer that you will find some comfort that Caroline isn't suffering any longer, and she is at peace. 

Sincerely,
Sophie

12

(30 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Dear Gavin,

What a good son you are.  You are your mom and dad's hero, I know. 

All the best to you and your parents,
Sophie

Dear Carol,

As you say, Charlie is well and free in heaven, no more suffering and the peace of no more suffering.   Reading your beautiful tribute about Charlie and your strength, I can only say how sorry I am, and it's like losing an old friend to me because you have given me so much support through your messages.  You and your family are in my prayers.

Love,
Sophie

Dear Barbara, 

I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you as well as your family.    The above condolences have beautifully expressed what we all want to say to you,  Tess's words that you have peace in your father's peace  I pray for you. 

I am also one who has felt encouragement and comfort from your messages and always from your closing The Lord is my shepherd.

Sincerely,
Sophie

Dear Lwilson,

My sincere condolences to you and your family.  Although I know you are filled with grief, I hope that you will find peace and comfort during the time ahead knowing that your mother is now at peace. 

You are in my prayers,
Sophie

16

(13 replies, posted in Good News / What's Working)

Yay, hip hip hooray, da da dada daaaaaaaaaaa, zipideeee doooo dah, zipideeee ayeeee.. my oh my it's a wonderful day.  So pleased and happy for Teddy and you, Lainy.  My prayers and support.

Sophie

17

(10 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Lina, please accept my sincere condolences at the passing of your mother.  I feel sad for you but I know you are comforted that she isn't suffering any longer.  The tribute written by your friend is beautifully heart-rendering, and I was very moved by it.  I hope that you find comfort and peace, Lina.  Losing one's mom is a hard passage, I know.

Sincerely,
Sophie

18

(0 replies, posted in General Discussion)

It's good hearing from you, Irene.  I think of you so much too and always wonder what is happening with you when I don't see a post.  I start to worry.  Courage to you as well.

Love,
Sophie

Kris, Kris, Kris - how could you offend anyone?  We love you.   All of us are so happy about your new information and your exhuberance.   Patty is right; we've all toughened up alot.  Don't you go worrying about anything you might say on this site.  We're all family here.   My great-grandparents were from Sweden.  Charlotte Albertina Johnson married John Sundstrom.  I have a special place in my heart for you, you little Swede.  My grandmother always started grace with a Swedish prayer, and my daughter gave my little granddaughter Anna the middle name of Sundstrom.  Enjoy that excitement and happiness for that good -take that you bad cancer-news. 

Sophie

Hello,

My oncologist is giving me Avastin only because he thinks it might help the huge buildup of Ascites I get.  Has anybody had any good luck with Avastin only?  Thank you,

Love,
Sophie

21

(6 replies, posted in Good News / What's Working)

Suzannegm,

A clear scan!  Hip hip hooray!  Hip hip hooray!  San Diego is great.  That's where my daughter lives.  I don't know how high end you plan to go, but everytime I used to go there, I would stay at the Blue Sea Lodge on Pacific Beach Drive.  I'd get a first floor ocean front room with a king bed and a balcony, have my cereal out on the balcony in the morning, walk along the boardwalk or down on the beach; we'd walk on the boardwalk at night.  It's a colorful life and not hoity toity, but it's very clean.   It's close to other features.  Sea World is the most fun feature for me.  I haven't stayed there since I've had this cc so summer months might be a little spendy.  It's a beach hotel so expect some sand.  So happy about your clear scans, my dear.

Sophie

Dear LWilson,

I don't know how to answer or help you, but I can keep your mother in my prayers and hope for more comfort for her.

Sophie

23

(7 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dear SarahLindsay,

Every individual processes the death of their loved ones differently as well as the time it takes.  It took me forever to move on when my mom died in 2005, and I played the video we had made everyday multiple times for months until finally I decided I just couldn't do it anymore.  Because I'm dealing with advanced cc now, all these questions you have I worry about my own daughter Sarah asking.  I'm reading a book called Ninety Minutes in Heaven.  I pretty much concentrate on the Ninety Minutes in Heaven part.  It helps me.  It helps me when thinking about my mom, myself, and I hope it will help ease my daughter's pain and grief when the time comes.  Maybe it will help you, SarahLindsay

Faith in Christ,
Sophie

Hello Dearest Friends,

Yesterday I had a paracentesis yielding 6.9 liters of fluid, and today I received my first infusion of Avastin with nothing else.  It took about 90 minutes.  So far I am feeling okay.  I will keep all you brave warriors posted.  I will still be drained once a week and Avastin every other week until oncologist knows if it is working.  I am weighing myself everyday, and the past few weeks  I have gained 2 or 3 sometimes 5 pounds of fluid a day.  My doctors's words, "If this works, it won't cure you, but it could prolong your life and give you a better quality of life."  I mostly listen to you guys instead of him. 

My niece Stacy and her five year old Olivia are here from Reno until tomorrow, and having them here has done so much for my morale.  Hollie from Truckee drives down tomorrow until Sunday.  Sarah and baby Anna will come on Tuesday and stay a few days.  I love my girls so much. 

Faith in Christ, and my prayers for all of you daily.
Sophie

How about a compromise, Jeff, and just taking ONE sock off?  Think it will help.  Sorry about your week.  It sounded just too overwhelming.  My heart just hurts for you.  I'm having potassium problems too with all the draining so I am taking one 20 mg potassium pill and drinking 32 ounces of gator ade a day.  Could that Gator ade help you?  I just can't lose my Top Care Stool Softener. 

Love,
Sophie