Apologies for the delay in getting back to you on this. Was really busy yesterday during the day and could not really write too much.
Yes you are right that this is a nightmare rollercoaster and to be honest I would say there is no right way to handle everything. What works for one person may not for the other etc. I guess that for my dad we were told straight from the off that his CC was inoperable and that treatments offered would only be palliative no matter what he decided to go for. He had to think about what he wanted with the time he had left and he chose the PDT as he felt it would give him a better chance of quality of life for that remaining time so maybe that helped him a lot with his thoughts and actions following diagnosis.
My mum had a pretty serious health condition as well, COPD and still does and perhaps that helped her deal with the news of my dad having a terminal illness. I would say that my mum accepted the news quite quickly that there was no cure for my dads CC and I did as well. Again, I would say that it comes down to each individual person and how they go about dealing with this sort of stuff but I so know that it is not easy to do no matter what way anyone handles it. No one is right or wrong in this but that doesn't make it easier for you to deal with I know.
When my dad was diagnosed I needed to elarn everything that I could about CC and that is what led me here pretty quickly but again, I know that not everyone is like me in that aspect. My mum is certainly not like me and she didn't want to know too much details or anything about all of this but she knew and never hid away from the fact that my dads CC was inoperable from diagnosis.
Perhaps your mums doctors at the hospice could take your dad aside sometime soon and have a heart to heart with him about everything and what is happening with your mum? Also, here on the site we have Dr Giles who maybe would be of help to you in the best way for you to handle this with your dad? If so he can be reached through this link -
http://cholangiocarcinoma.org/for-patie … -dr-giles/
I know he has helped many of the members here with dealing with a lot of the emotional side of things. I know that this is so hard for you Jan but trust me when I say this as I have been there that you are doing a great job in dealing with all of this so please do now knock yourself down with anything. You know we are all here for you as well. I hope some of that is helpful to you. And please do not feel guilty about anything Jan, you have nothing to feel guilty about at all.