Gosh, this is a tough one to try to address...what's good for one family may not be in the best interests of another. I would hate to influence you in any particular direction, but I'll relate our experience and you can take it for what it's worth.
While in the hospital being treated for fluid in the lungs (totally unaware at first that it was cancerous),our oncologist informed us Gary had weeks to live. He had been fighting cc for 2 years and we were still hopeful there was something out there for him. So...the decision had to be made - did he want to go home from the hospital with Hospice care or go directly into a Hospice unit. Since we were in a winter rental condo(FL) far removed from our permanent home, the decision was relatively easy to make. Gary polled the room (me, Gary's brother and his wife, and himself) urging us all to be very honest. We all agreed a Hospice unit would be best. I was afraid of what was going to happen and how I would handle it at home alone...and Gary, as his usual wonderful self, wanted whatever was best for me. The option of driving or flying to SC was off the table by then because of Gary's weakened condition.
So he was transferred to a local Hospice center that very night. BEST decision we could have made!! It was wonderful from the very first second we arrived. They made Gary feel like he was the king of the world..they were totally, 100% there to meet his needs. I can't even explain the courtesy, respect, tenderness and excellent medical care that was shown to my husband. The staff went out of their way to speak to each family member as they all started to converge on the unit..reassuring, answering questions, seeing to our comfort, extending emotional support. They were able to almost precisely predict how and when the end would come and encouraged family members to travel sooner than later. They ministered to Gary with such dignity that we were all in awe of the process of his body shutting down (I know that sounds odd and gruesome, but that just goes to show you how amazing they were!). Gary passed away 5 days after entering Hospice. The entire experience was absolutely awful and awesome at the same time. We had those days to entirely devote to Gary (and to each other) and had no worries about anything medical...which was a huge relief. We were with Gary every minute, without distractions, and were left with no regrets of whether we had done the right thing.
Lainy and Teddy, I'm not trying to persuade you to do things the way we chose...certainly you being in your own home with family close by makes a huge difference in what you will decide to do. Gary was not going to pass away in his own home no matter what. The only issue I can really address is the medical presence to the end. That was a wonderful blessing that worked for us.
My thoughts and prayers are truly with you everyday. You two have been our heroes from the day we first found cc.org. Take care, laugh and pray together. Elaine