Lainy, thinking of you and am hoping that your lovely memories of your beloved Teddy are giving you comfort.
Love,
dani

2

(9 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Dearest Pam,
Thinking of you and sending you love. I lost my beloved Jim 22 months and 1 day ago and I just am finding it so very difficult. I hope that your precious memories are giving you comfort. Listen to your mom's voice inside your heart, it's there as she is with you.
THank you for your beautiful post, it is such a comfort to have people who have walked this road and understand.
Dani

3

(14 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Dear CM,

You're doing all the right things and I am glad that you went to the Doctor!!! There is so much practical advice on this board which will make direct improvements, i.e. with appetite etc.

The best medicine is hope. My beloved Jim and I maintained a solid hope for his survivial and it made our days together so very precious. Prepare for everything but live with hope, rather than fear.

The best advice I received from a friend (who I thought was crazy at the time...) was although these days are sooooo incredibly stressful and you may feel insane with fear, enjoy every day, as difficult as it is. It's great you're going on this trip and I hope that you ahave a WONDERFUL trip.

Sending you lots of prayers and good, healing energy.

Dani

4

(9 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

I am so very sorry to hear about Kris. She was extremely supportive during my beloved Jim's illness. I thought she would live. I am crying for her but know that she is at peace.

5

(13 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dearest Gavin,
you are such a beautiful person and your Dad would be (is) so, so proud of you for tackling your own grief head on (which is quite difficult, it's much easier to bury, drug or drink it away) and also recognize that your mum is really suffering.

My beloved Jim died 18 months and 3 days ago and it's not any easy although I am 'coping' just fine (i.e. i work, remain healthy and do the right things). On the inside I am a mess and living is very tough. Sooooo....I can identify with what she's going through but I would think it would be tougher, i.e. she is from a different generation where 'feelings' are really spoken about so openly so the suffering on the inside is probably almost unbearable. I think you're doing all the right things i.e. showing her how much you love and care for her. If she uses the internet, she might want to look at some of the support sites for widows, www.ywbb.org is really good.

It sounds like you're doing all the things that you can, just hang in there. Christmas will not be easy this year but it can be special and meaningful, with lots of tributes, stories and precious memories about your dad.

Biggest hugs to you,
Danielle

6

(54 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Dearest Lainy,
I am so, so sorry to hear about Teddy's passing. At the same time, he is no longer suffering and he is still with you. Love never dies. These coming months will be very difficult I imagine and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You were with me during my beloved Jim's battle with this cancer and Teddy's fight gave us so much hope.

Thinking of you so much.

With love,

Danielle

7

(3 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

It's so tough eh. I had a similar experience. I was cycling in NY around 1000pm, winter and got into a very bad accident (broke my helmet...) I lay on the ground, injured, no one came to help. I eventually got up and made it home. My face was white with the salty tears i cried so much. I've never felt so alone - rather - been so aware of how alone I am in this world without my beloved Jim. I often think I could die and no one would notice for days, weeks who knows, who cares.

8

(9 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. This horrible, horrible disease. Your beautiful mum, you were so good to her during her illness. What comfort this would have been to her. I know that the presence of Jim's children (and me) throughout his illness and in particular during the last days gave him such peace.

I hope that your wonderful memories of your mum give you some comfort.

Thinking of you,
Danielle

Thank you so much for the words, it's so so tough without him. He was such a beautiful man, I loved him so much.

I am praying for all of you. You are all such an amazing group of people, fighting this horrible disease or supporting someone impacted.

Thank you for being here for me, it means so much to me.

Love, peace and prayers to you all,
Danielle

Dear friends,

I still visit this site regularly and feel comforted to see the familiar names. I am having a very, very tough time - the pain has not alleviated and living is very difficult. I am functioning okay I guess but life is meaningless without my beloved Jim.

I pray for all of you and will always be grateful for the support that you all provided during Jim's battle with this horrible cancer.

Danielle

11

(41 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Dear Gavin,

This is not a messge that I wanted to see. I am so, so sorry about the loss of your dear father. Thank God he passed away peacefully surrounded by loved ones. Indeed, this is a blessing. My beloved died in my arms as you know and his peaceful passing is of enormous comfort to me.

I wish you peace in the coming months and hope that you find comfort in your memories of your father. You spoke so highly of him and were so, so good to him. He must feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful son.

Danielle

12

(16 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Dear Margaret and Blair,
I am so sorry for your loss. I loved Ron's posts - they were very helpful for my beloved husband and I.
Danielle

Dearest Pauline,

I am so, so sorry about your husband, Anthony. It's sooooooo difficult isn't. It sure sounded like he was a beautiful man and you loved each other a lot. My beloved died 51 days ago and I feel like I've been ripped from a beautiful, happy life, had my arms and legs cut off and flung into hell. I miss my husband soooo much.

The tribute you wrote to your husband is beautiful and so touching.

Sending you hugs,
Danielle

14

(10 replies, posted in Grief Management)

My dear friends,
Thank you so much for the words, which are both meaningful and inspiring. Such good advice and how comforting to know that I am not alone. Something must have worked  - I had a period of approximately 5 minutes today where I actually thought that I might survive this, i.e. I felt hope that I may wish to live, at some point in the future.
Thank you all

15

(10 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dear CC friends,

As you may have seen in my posts before Jim died, we thought we were being frightfully realistic by re-assessing his life span as

16

(10 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Hi Charlene,
I am sorry for what you're going through. I am also in hell with the loss of my beloved Jim. There is a really good support blog for widows - YoungWidow.org. It's great - tons of support.
Danielle

17

(8 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Deborah,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank God he is no longer suffering and is in a better place. So tough for the family. You have loads of support here, we are all here for each other and it is a blessing.
Danielle

18

(5 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dear Janet,
EEKK, I feel your pain. My husband's affairs were also not organized and it's been a complete nightmare sorting through and trying to make arrangements. As you've seen from my other posts I am an emotional wreck - my 'sane' moments are spent trying to organize finances etc. and I keep finding little surprises (expenses, bills, credit cards...that I didn't know about). Disaster.

The ONLY support/good advice I can offer is:
1) I feel your pain as do most of us on this website
2) there is an end to the administrative mess. Although it feels like we have mountains of work to do and to be frank, even picking up the phone to make a call to VISA feels like work, settling an estate is not an endless task and eventually it will be okay.

Good luck. Vent here all you want - we can sympathize!!

XOXO

Danielle

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your warm thoughts, words of comfort and prayers. I am a little worse each day rather than better. I think it is all too new. I can't stop crying and the pain of him absence is as much physical as it is mental. It's so quiet here - I am so lost and alone and constantly pray that I'll to die.
thank again for being there and sorry for the depressing posts...
with love,
danielle

20

(22 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Dear Jill,
I am so, so sorry.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
Danielle

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is truly comforting, in a horrible way, to know that others know what I am going through. I am sitting alone in our kitchen in our home in the middle of nowhere (northern Queensland on a little island). We had gone to the USA with the hope of a liver transplant and he was listed but then fell ill quite quickly. Five months ago we were a normal married couple on a permanent honeymoon. People always commented on how in love we were. we had a perfect life and were so darn happy it was frankly quite nauseating to people.

Now, a week after the funeral, i am trying to live but find that i can't even do the simplest tasks. i am lost, alone, heartbroken. My beautiful stepdaughters have just left to go back to school so it's so quiet here, just me and my husband's ashes. i feel like am going crazy with my grief, losing my mind (i am usually very normal and smart/together/pillar of strength but now i am a complete mess, a train wreck). have any of you gone through this?

with love,
danielle

Dear Heather,

I am so, so sorry. I do not have any words of comfort for you as nothing I say will even make a dent at your grief. On a practical level, keep coming to this website as several of us are going through the same thing, i.e. Darla, Joyce,  and I. I lost my beloved husband only three weeks ago (on 14 June) and I am crazy with my grief. Although I agree 100% that you need to keep busy, allow yourself space to grieve, wholly and privately. Heather, I feel guilty posting to you as I am a complete wreck and don't want to say the wrong thing. I just want you to know that I feel a lot for you and  it sounds like you and Em are doing very well. I am praying for you, as well as the others.

Cherish your beautiful memories as part of your grief and allow your memories to provide some peace, comfort and Lee's love that will never, ever leave you. I loved Lainy's words.

With love and my prayers,
Danielle

Dear friends,
Thank you for your kind words. I am an absolute mess. No idea how I shall live without him nor am I am interested in a life which does not include my beautiful man. No words.

I pray that all of you fare much better and continue your fight against this horrrible disease.

Danielle

24

(13 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Lisa,
I am praying for you and a continuation of good news.
With love,
Danielle

I am blind with grief. Below is a note written by a dear friend.

Love,
Danielle

****************************
Dear friends and family of Danielle and Jim Bell

Danielle has asked me to contact you to give  you some news which I hoped never to have had to share, and you would have hoped never to receive.

Following what can only be described as a courageous battle against an ugly strain of cancer, Jim Bell passed away at Sherman House hospice, the Mayo hospital in Phoenix, Arizona in the early hours of this morning, Sunday 14 June 2009.

Jim slipped away with all those he loved around him: his wife Danielle, his daughters, many members of his close family were with him, holding on to his hands, arms, feet, legs and sharing funny and special memories of their life with him as he slowly drifted away from the pain he has been suffering for the past few months and especially weeks. Danielle said that the time was marked by incredible peace and love and sounded calm herself as I spoke to her about 20 minutes ago, although she admitted that the shock has not quite sunk in yet. From my telephone conversations with her, I have also been able to gague that these past few weeks have been full of mutual love and care, gentleness and peace.

I am so very sorry to be the bearer of such sad news, and via such a mundane medium, but Danielle wanted you to know sooner rather than later. It seems the memorial service will be held in Australia, and that the family will be returning there soon. I will let you know what the family decide regarding funeral arrangements during the next 24-48 hours, when Danielle herself has got her mind around all that needs to be done and has told me what they are planning.

Given it will be hard to know where to send cards, I thought I would put together a condolence book for Danielle and the girls, of which I will have 2 copies printed:  one for Danielle and the other for the girls. If you would like to add some comments to this, please feel free to send anything you wish to write and any photos or pictures you wish to include. If you would like your entry to appear as hand-written, please write it and scan it as a jpeg file, not more than 7-10 lines of normal writing per page....and I will try and accommodate what you have written as well as I can, no matter how many pages you wish to send. Any special photos, memories, anecdotes and/or words of encouragement are welcome, so that we can celebrate all that Jim was to all of us even during this time of sadness.

Once again, sorry to be the bearer of such sad news. I hope that you will find strength and peace no matter where this message finds you, and that, like so many of us, you will be able to smile through your tears, remembering the amazing person Jim was, and how lucky we have all been to have him in our lives.

God bless you, and more later
Nicky
(one of Danielle and Jim's friends from Afghanistan)

~~~~~~

Not, How Did He Die, But How Did He Live?

Not how did he die, but how did he live?
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.
Not, what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away.

~~~~~~