Lainy you have positively affected so many people, and we are all so lucky to have met you, even if only online.  Your light, your humour and your optimism helped to make this board what it is today.  Love you Lainy, all the very best, you are going to be SO missed!



(8 replies, posted in General Discussion)

5 years.  It will have been 5 years on Saturday that we lost Dad.  Time flies, and goes so slowly at the same time.  There are days I miss him so much my heart hurts.  Times my kids do something that has me laughing and saying how much they are like him, or how happy they would have made him.  I know he's around, though my girls don't seem to "see" him the way they did, but some days it just doesn't feel like enough. 

HOWEVER, we move on and we move forward and we have amazing and wonderful lives that I know he is incredibly proud of.  We were fortunate enough to be witness to amazing moments at the end of his life to give us peace in knowing he really was going somewhere amazing.

I've attached a few photos of Alyssa's third birthday on Saturday. This is the daughter a medium told my mom and sister that was special to Dad.... that she wouldn't just be like him, but that he would actually be a part of her.  And he is.  I see it every day.  She's SO funny, doesn't care what ANYONE thinks, and is an iron man obsessed, princess-loving little girl who is so sweet she won't take anything from anyone unless they have a second to give her big sister.  She IS dad.

I think of you all, and I'm still here almost daily, though my comments are pretty few and far between.  I hope you are all doing well!!



(25 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Yeesh, just can't do things the easy way, can you??!!
You know I'll be sending prayers, positive thoughts, warm wishes and whatever else you'd like me to send you from here!  We all know you'll do great, but recover quickly - things are never the same here when your banter isn't included!

Sending love too!!

I'm sorry you are facing this again.  Sending strength and warm wishes - sounds like your doctor is doing anything and everything to pick the right combination for you, which is fantastic.  Like Catherine said, I hope you find yourself back in the "chronic patient" stage VERY soon!!



(28 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Hi Scott,

Sorry you ever had to search out this site, but your attitude will get you far, your humor is contagious.  I'm in Calgary, and my Dad had cc. 

I just wanted to add my 2 cents about the port.  Dad didn't get one, and after a few months of constant pokes that got more and more difficult, he wished (and so did we) that he had gotten one.  I agree that it's something to discuss with your doctors.

Wishing you all the best - I don't post often, but read daily.  I'll be watching for your updates!



(54 replies, posted in General Discussion)

I've never spoken with you directly Duke, but feel compelled to add my own sentiment to your post.  I've read your words daily, though since Dad's passing 4 years ago rarely speak up on the site.  You have helped so very many people (including me), and I hope you have a peaceful journey from this world into the next.  Your presence will always be felt here, and your words and thoughts will continue to bring peace, hope, and plenty of laughs to those that read them. 

Thinking of you and your family, Duke.  Sending love and warm thoughts to you all.



(1 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Thought I'd drop in for my regular 6 month or so visit smile

I still read nearly every day, and I'm following along with everyone's journeys (and get a kick out of your posts, Duke), and I know Lainy will appreciate hearing of our latest visit from Dad, which I haven't had in a while, so thought I'd share.

It was a few weeks ago - a late Christmas gathering with extended family.  Mom, my sister, Grandma, uncle and myself were sitting around the table snacking and talking about how much Dad loved family gatherings and how much we miss having him there.  Alyssa (18 months old, never having had the opportunity to meet Dad) was standing on the chair next to me and as we sat, talking about Dad, and she suddenly starting putting her arms up to the ceiling.  I laughed and said it looked like she was praising God before eating.  It continued for a few minutes.  Then suddenly, my sweet girl who still barely talks, reached higher, looking at the ceiling, and said "up" (her signal, like most toddlers, that she wants to be lifted) with a big smile on her face.  Next thing you know, she's waving like mad, saying bye bye, before sitting down to eat.  Glad he is still there for our gatherings!

I hope everyone is doing well.  Thinking of you all!



(27 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

I haven't been on the site in quite some time, and this was the perfect post to come back to.  So happy for you Lainy, such wonderful news.  That Teddy sure knows how to look out for you!  Glad things are going so well!  Nothing new here, except that I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my niece and nephew, who will hopefully hold on for a few more weeks before being born.  Excited to get a baby fix in, and a Christmas with 2 new additions to the family.  I miss Dad every day, but know he's around.  No way he'd be missing out on 2 more grandbabies being born!

Sending love!

This post has me grinning foolishly with watery eyes this morning Lainy.  Worthy of a response for sure!  Glad to hear you have found someone that sounds so fantastic! 

I know I don't post often anymore.  Still on here almost daily, keeping up on everything, but this year was the roughest of my mourning, and I cried enough reading posts, responding to them would have done me in!  I missed Dad more then the day he died this last year or so.  It's getting better, I think putting his ashes in their final resting place helped on the anniversary.  As did a few visits my Mom and sister had with a medium where he came through VERY loud and VERY clear.  Even ordered that Michelle "give his baby girl (me) a hug from him, because she so needs it".   And I did.  He also acknowledged my sweet girl, Alyssa Breh, the fact that she was named after him (Breh - Herb (my Dad) spelt backwards), and was told that there is a very strong connection between them.  Not just a name, but he died and a part of him lives on in her.  Apparently we will see him in her more then any other of the grandchildren.  I believe it, I see him in her eyes every day and she has just recently started the same things Katelyn did right after he passed... peek-a-boo, laughing and waving at a spot in her room.  Amazing.  Other exciting news is that after years of trying and treatments, my sister is expecting... TWINS!  Found out on Good Friday after days of dreams of her sitting with Dad and him telling her it would all work out, and is due Christmas Day.  Now, tell me Dad didn't have something to do with THAT timing!

I love you and miss you Lainy (and everyone else), but I'm still here.  Just a bit more quiet smile

Have a lovely day, my CC family!



(8 replies, posted in General Discussion)


3 years ago I lost one of the greatest and most important men in my life.  Today we will put his ashes into their final resting place.  Those that were a part of his journey know he fought his battle with such a sense of calm and peace of what was to come that it was impossible not to admire him, and feel a bit of the same peace. He had a gift for putting those around him at ease. Those fortunate enough to see him those last few weeks were also witness to moments that I will never forget. To hear him speak of the two worlds he was in between, to hear him speak of (and to) people long passed, to hear of the immense beauty in the 'other world' he kept visiting and would pass into once he was ready to 'step off the curb onto a beautiful boulevard' left those of us he was leaving behind with our fears of the unknown all but gone. Although today I sit with a sad heart and tears streaming down my cheeks, my faith that he is with us always and playing guardian to all his beautiful grandchildren, and my unwavering belief that one day (in the long and distant future) I too will step off that curb and into the open arms of my waiting dad will help me through this rough day. Until then, I hope the 'important work' you said they had for you during the wait for your loved ones is keeping you busy. I hope today you are surrounded by all those who passed before you while we celebrate the life you had here on earth. I hope that later on when I cheers the incredible man I was lucky enough to call my father, you clink your glass to mine. I love you and miss you every day daddy.


(2 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

4 years ago today I heard the word cholangiocarcinoma for the first time and my life changed forever. That day started a 1 year 5 month journey with so many lows, but also many highs. I was fortunate to have an amazing dad who accepted his fate from day one, and made sure we knew he way okay. All he needed in that year and 5 months was to know we were also going to be okay. And most days we keep our promise and we are. I miss him so terribly, but I have so many amazing memories, even from during his illness, that wil always get me through. My two incredible girls help keep me busy and laughing on those harder days as well.

Although I am not on the site as much anymore, to be honest I find it a lot difficult then I did even after his passing, I hope everyone knows that I think of you and am praying for you all daily. I wouldn't have made it through the dark days without the people on the site helping me find comfort. Thank you for that.

Love and strength to all of you!!!



(7 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Well, I welcomed Alyssa Breh on Tuesday afternoon and she is just perfect.  Felt Dad all around me during labor.... no doubt in my mind he was there. Pictures on facebook for those that are interested... you can find me by looking up Jennifer Sadler (in Calgary Alberts) or my e-mail is 

She came just in time - I live in Calgary where we are in a state of emergency with horrible flooding like nothing we have ever seen. It's devastating and just so incredibly sad to see all the damage. Roads washed away, houses destroyed, zoo under water (luckily they were able to move animals to higher ground) and downtown along with a ton of areas evacuated since they are under water. Luckily we are safe where we are aside from possible water and power shortages in the next few days. It's worth looking up to see some of the photos.

Anyway, just a quick update. Hope everyone is well.



(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

I'm not sure if its my place or not, but I AM sure Pam would want her cc family to know that sweet, brave Lauren passed away at 11:37 this morning. My heart is shattering and the tears are flowing knowing this cancer has taken such a sweet, strong, beautiful and young life before her time.  I'm sure this will affect others as much as it is me right now.

ALL my thoughts and ALL my prayers are with the Kunklier family today. May you find comfort knowing she is at peace, and feel the love and support of the huge number of people that have you in their thoughts today.

I am so sorry for your incredible loss Pam (and family).



(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

The latest update.  Pam, I haven't stopped thinking about Lauren and your family since this all started.  We are all here with you in our minds and in our hearts, and the prayers are plentiful.  I hope the new machine helps... miracles happen every day, and I hope Lauren is one of them.

All my thoughts and love,

http://www.loveandhopeforlauren.blogspo … -6313.html


(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Praying, praying, praying. 



(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Another update from Pam this morning.  Things sound positive today!  We are all thinking of you and praying for Lauren and your entire brave and incredible family Pam!


(3 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Hi Andrea,

The pictures of Jamie's birthday are awesome - looks like you all had a great time.  Thorpe Park looks like my kind of place.  I'm with Gavin - LOVE rollercoasters!! 

So glad to hear everything is okay with Ant - what a difficult and scary time that must have been!!  I'm sure your Mom actually thrived on helping out when and how she could.  I'm sure it was good for her to have something to focus on.  Mom still has up and down times too.  She has to have gallbladder surgery this summer and we told her not to wait, that we are all pretty sure if we went to see her and she was jaundiced because she waited too long and had a blockage, we'd all have panick attacks and quite possibly heart attacks.  Yellow is not a colour and of us are fond of.  She booked it pretty quickly.  Ha ha. 

Glad you are doing well Andrea!



(18 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Thank goodness! I've been praying for them all day, and checking here and Facebook constantly hoping for an update. Thanks Lainy, I can go to bed feeling a bit better about this - what a stressful day it must have been for them all.



(21 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Well, I can't say I'm happy I made you cry (although a good cry is as soothing as anything else sometimes), but I AM glad I was able to give you another perspective.  That's the thing about this amazing group of people.  So many of us follow a similar path, but we all get something different from it.  It's good to hear other peoples thoughts, and somehow it helps to know you really (REALLY) aren't alone.  Once you are here, you can be guaranteed that someone you have never met will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family at any given second of every day.  It's a pretty incredible gift. 

As for recording his voice, do it sooner then later.  We bought books for Dad to record, but he suddenly went from okay to confused and they never got done.  Actually, that's not true - near the end he did read part of Twas the Night Before Christmas and we listen to it on Christmas Eve, but... it's not his voice.  Not the voice I remember from my childhood.  It's a tired voice.  It could be from meds, or high bili levels or just being too tired from chemo, etc. to focus, but it can happen suddenly, and then it's forgotten about.   

Thinking about you all!



(21 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Lainy,
I'm on here EVERY day.  Several times, in fact.  I just don't post too often.  Dad talked about the table of food he saw in his dreams, and I'm sure he went directly to have a nice big dinner after telling us he was going to be "stepping off the curb on a very beautiful boulevard to go to the other world", as he put it.  Funny you should mention that, as I have spent the last 2 days reading all my posts about those final moments.  Guess I must have needed a good cry, and that did it for me! 

Katelyn is very excited, and has even decided that baby's name will be Alyssa (which we like and will probably use).  The middle name will be Breh... pronouced "Bray".  It's Dad's name (Herb) spelled backwards.

I will certainly let you know how I'm doing.  So far so good.  Andie seems to be doing well, according to facebook.  She has her moments as I do, but we still chat once in a while about our dear Dad's.  I can't believe it's been 2 years either.  Love the Teddy stories - I haven't had a visit from Dad recently, but would sure love one!  I know he's around though, no way he'd be missing out on getting to know this little babe before she's born smile 

All my love!



(21 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Dorien,
I'm writing from a different perspective - a daughter who lost her Daddy way too early (and I was 30 when he passed away almost 2 years ago)!  From day 1, Dad's attitude was "it is what it is" and really focused his time and energy in making sure that we spent quality HAPPY times together, and he couldn't stand it when we sat there and concerned ourselves with the later-ons, and the anger and the sadness.  We actually got into a few arguements because I kept telling him it WASN'T okay and it really bothered me that he accepted it so easily.  Thing is, I'm sure he really didn't accept it as easily as he let on.  I had just had my first child when he was diagnosed, and I know it broke his heart to think of everything he would miss with his kids and grandkids when he was gone.  He chose to help us deal with our grief in that year and a half from diagnosis to when he passed by letting us know that HE was going to be okay, and that he needed to know WE were going to be okay. 
Once I figured that out, my attitude really did change.  I decided it wasn't fair to him to make him feel somehow guilty by always being so upset that he would be leaving us, because clearly it wasn't his choice and was hurting him as much (or more) then it was hurting us, whether he let on that it was or not.  Once I got that through my head, it was easier to face, and we often even joked about it (believe it or not)!  He went to have a family ring made for my Mom out of his wedding band, and when the women asked when he needed it by, he said "well, soon... I don't know how much time I have left", and I burst into tears.  When we walked outside he burst our laughing and said that the tears were perfect, and that we may as well use the "dying" card while we could.  I remember starting to laugh and not being able to stop.  He had that ring in hand 5 days later... ha ha.
Anyway, long post that could have been much shorter, I think it's just so important for us to realize that our loved ones need to know that we are going to be okay.  It's okay to cry, and be mad and be sad, but I think we (or I, at least) needed to focus on helping THEM feel better... they are the ones that are going to have to leave, after all.
Now, 2 years later I am going to be having my second child (due just 3 days before the anniversary of his death), and as sad as I am, I really do know he's okay because he made sure I knew he would be.  You have a beautiful family (I'm obsessed with your blog and instagram, by the way), and you will be fine afterwords.  It won't always be easy, but like others have said, things have a way of working themselves out.  For now, just continue to spend time with him and your kids.  Make memories and know that it's true what they say... the memories will get you through.  Oh, and one thing I wish I had was something from him with his voice.  Sometimes there's nothing in the world I want more then to hear his voice.  Just a thought for your kids.  There are recordable books, and as cheesy as it sounds, I wish I had him read one for each of us while he was still healthy enough.  It's a small keepsake that would have meant the world.

Thinking of you and your family.



(42 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Praying (and praying, and praying) for fantastic news after the surgery!  Keep us posted!


Honeez - I lost my Dad to this cancer 2 years ago in June.  I can so remember the emotions we went through when hospice got involved.  We had nurses stay at the house at night for the first while, and then we eventually moved him to a hospice.  The day they came to take him from the house is one I will never forget, but once we were there, we wished we had been able to bring him sooner.  He would have loved it, and the people.  It's a terrifying and sad step, but one I'm sure he, and all of you, will be happy to have made.  We were so lucky with Dad as the nurses and staff were incredible.  He made a peep and they were in there making sure he was 100% comfortable.  We never had to worry about him hurting.  You have to watch carefully though - nobody deserves to go through pain, it's unecessary and some places are better then others about ensuring the complete comfort of the patients.

What Notdoneyet said about those final days... it's true.  As hard as it is, try to look past losing him and see what it is he is gaining, and know there is no doubt in the world that they are not alone, not for one second.  It's an incredible journey, one I wrote about here and I'm sure you could search if you were interested.  Those last few weeks with Dad were incredible, and brought me more peace then I could have ever hoped for.  It's hard, and emotional, and I miss him terribly, but I know he's in a good place... the way he talked about his "other world" ensured we KNEW it was a good place.

I wish you many good times and positive memories with your Dad ahead.  Make sure to let him know that you are going to be okay while you can.  I think all Dad's need to know there little girls (regardless of age) are going to be okay.  Take advantage of every second with him, and know that there are people all over the world thinking of you and praying for you, and your family.  Stay strong.

Hugs from across the miles,


(30 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Well this is one post that sure makes a pregnant lady hungry!! Pam, my favourite recipe website in the world is Delicious and healthy homemade recipes that list the calories, fat and everyrhig else. Some very decadent recipes that have been modified to make them healthier.

On a much more important note, I am beyond thrilled to hear the news.... I'll continue praying for Lauren and have faith the surgeries will be a complete success!

This is my last day of a two week California vacation, so excuse me while I go make myself a snack (and NOT of the fruit variety)!!!

Thinking of you all!!



(56 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Sending hugs and love across the miles Lainy.  I hope you are starting to feel better and gaining your strength back.  Thinking of you!!!