This post has me grinning foolishly with watery eyes this morning Lainy.  Worthy of a response for sure!  Glad to hear you have found someone that sounds so fantastic! 

I know I don't post often anymore.  Still on here almost daily, keeping up on everything, but this year was the roughest of my mourning, and I cried enough reading posts, responding to them would have done me in!  I missed Dad more then the day he died this last year or so.  It's getting better, I think putting his ashes in their final resting place helped on the anniversary.  As did a few visits my Mom and sister had with a medium where he came through VERY loud and VERY clear.  Even ordered that Michelle "give his baby girl (me) a hug from him, because she so needs it".   And I did.  He also acknowledged my sweet girl, Alyssa Breh, the fact that she was named after him (Breh - Herb (my Dad) spelt backwards), and was told that there is a very strong connection between them.  Not just a name, but he died and a part of him lives on in her.  Apparently we will see him in her more then any other of the grandchildren.  I believe it, I see him in her eyes every day and she has just recently started the same things Katelyn did right after he passed... peek-a-boo, laughing and waving at a spot in her room.  Amazing.  Other exciting news is that after years of trying and treatments, my sister is expecting... TWINS!  Found out on Good Friday after days of dreams of her sitting with Dad and him telling her it would all work out, and is due Christmas Day.  Now, tell me Dad didn't have something to do with THAT timing!

I love you and miss you Lainy (and everyone else), but I'm still here.  Just a bit more quiet smile

Have a lovely day, my CC family!


Jen

2

(5 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Dad

3 years ago I lost one of the greatest and most important men in my life.  Today we will put his ashes into their final resting place.  Those that were a part of his journey know he fought his battle with such a sense of calm and peace of what was to come that it was impossible not to admire him, and feel a bit of the same peace. He had a gift for putting those around him at ease. Those fortunate enough to see him those last few weeks were also witness to moments that I will never forget. To hear him speak of the two worlds he was in between, to hear him speak of (and to) people long passed, to hear of the immense beauty in the 'other world' he kept visiting and would pass into once he was ready to 'step off the curb onto a beautiful boulevard' left those of us he was leaving behind with our fears of the unknown all but gone. Although today I sit with a sad heart and tears streaming down my cheeks, my faith that he is with us always and playing guardian to all his beautiful grandchildren, and my unwavering belief that one day (in the long and distant future) I too will step off that curb and into the open arms of my waiting dad will help me through this rough day. Until then, I hope the 'important work' you said they had for you during the wait for your loved ones is keeping you busy. I hope today you are surrounded by all those who passed before you while we celebrate the life you had here on earth. I hope that later on when I cheers the incredible man I was lucky enough to call my father, you clink your glass to mine. I love you and miss you every day daddy.

3

(2 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

4 years ago today I heard the word cholangiocarcinoma for the first time and my life changed forever. That day started a 1 year 5 month journey with so many lows, but also many highs. I was fortunate to have an amazing dad who accepted his fate from day one, and made sure we knew he way okay. All he needed in that year and 5 months was to know we were also going to be okay. And most days we keep our promise and we are. I miss him so terribly, but I have so many amazing memories, even from during his illness, that wil always get me through. My two incredible girls help keep me busy and laughing on those harder days as well.

Although I am not on the site as much anymore, to be honest I find it a lot difficult then I did even after his passing, I hope everyone knows that I think of you and am praying for you all daily. I wouldn't have made it through the dark days without the people on the site helping me find comfort. Thank you for that.

Love and strength to all of you!!!

Jen

4

(7 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Well, I welcomed Alyssa Breh on Tuesday afternoon and she is just perfect.  Felt Dad all around me during labor.... no doubt in my mind he was there. Pictures on facebook for those that are interested... you can find me by looking up Jennifer Sadler (in Calgary Alberts) or my e-mail is dymond_jennifer@hotmail.com. 

She came just in time - I live in Calgary where we are in a state of emergency with horrible flooding like nothing we have ever seen. It's devastating and just so incredibly sad to see all the damage. Roads washed away, houses destroyed, zoo under water (luckily they were able to move animals to higher ground) and downtown along with a ton of areas evacuated since they are under water. Luckily we are safe where we are aside from possible water and power shortages in the next few days. It's worth looking up to see some of the photos.

Anyway, just a quick update. Hope everyone is well.

Jen

5

(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

I'm not sure if its my place or not, but I AM sure Pam would want her cc family to know that sweet, brave Lauren passed away at 11:37 this morning. My heart is shattering and the tears are flowing knowing this cancer has taken such a sweet, strong, beautiful and young life before her time.  I'm sure this will affect others as much as it is me right now.

ALL my thoughts and ALL my prayers are with the Kunklier family today. May you find comfort knowing she is at peace, and feel the love and support of the huge number of people that have you in their thoughts today.

I am so sorry for your incredible loss Pam (and family).

Jen

6

(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

The latest update.  Pam, I haven't stopped thinking about Lauren and your family since this all started.  We are all here with you in our minds and in our hearts, and the prayers are plentiful.  I hope the new machine helps... miracles happen every day, and I hope Lauren is one of them.

All my thoughts and love,
Jen


http://www.loveandhopeforlauren.blogspo … -6313.html

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(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Praying, praying, praying. 

Jen

8

(167 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Another update from Pam this morning.  Things sound positive today!  We are all thinking of you and praying for Lauren and your entire brave and incredible family Pam!


http://www.loveandhopeforlauren.blogspot.ca/

9

(3 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Hi Andrea,

The pictures of Jamie's birthday are awesome - looks like you all had a great time.  Thorpe Park looks like my kind of place.  I'm with Gavin - LOVE rollercoasters!! 

So glad to hear everything is okay with Ant - what a difficult and scary time that must have been!!  I'm sure your Mom actually thrived on helping out when and how she could.  I'm sure it was good for her to have something to focus on.  Mom still has up and down times too.  She has to have gallbladder surgery this summer and we told her not to wait, that we are all pretty sure if we went to see her and she was jaundiced because she waited too long and had a blockage, we'd all have panick attacks and quite possibly heart attacks.  Yellow is not a colour and of us are fond of.  She booked it pretty quickly.  Ha ha. 

Glad you are doing well Andrea!


Jen

10

(18 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Thank goodness! I've been praying for them all day, and checking here and Facebook constantly hoping for an update. Thanks Lainy, I can go to bed feeling a bit better about this - what a stressful day it must have been for them all.

Jen

11

(27 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

So after telling you last week that Dad hasn't been around me in quite some time, I think he is now.  I've been needing him, which is when it always happens.  I think the closer I come to having the baby, the more I'm missing him and I'm definitely having a bit of a harder time with him not being here.

Anyway, the last 2 days, a gorgeous black and yellow butterfly has NOT left my daughter alone (and it's the only one we have seen around since it's just starting to warm up here).  It's actually been really funny to watch.  It flutters around her head, and she (being 3) is trying to do anything and everything to catch it or get it away from her.  It just won't give up.  Yesterday it was about 10 minutes of it landing on her or flying right in front of her face, just to fly far enough away to not get hit, and then right back at it again.  I finally said (out loud) after about 5 minutes "okay, crazy person here... Dad if that's you, take a little break and land for a minute".  I kid you not, the butterfly landed on a post on my deck 2 seconds after I said that and sat there for a minute before continuing it's torment on poor Katelyn.  I have a smile on my face (and a tear in my eye) today knowing he's around.

12

(21 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Well, I can't say I'm happy I made you cry (although a good cry is as soothing as anything else sometimes), but I AM glad I was able to give you another perspective.  That's the thing about this amazing group of people.  So many of us follow a similar path, but we all get something different from it.  It's good to hear other peoples thoughts, and somehow it helps to know you really (REALLY) aren't alone.  Once you are here, you can be guaranteed that someone you have never met will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family at any given second of every day.  It's a pretty incredible gift. 

As for recording his voice, do it sooner then later.  We bought books for Dad to record, but he suddenly went from okay to confused and they never got done.  Actually, that's not true - near the end he did read part of Twas the Night Before Christmas and we listen to it on Christmas Eve, but... it's not his voice.  Not the voice I remember from my childhood.  It's a tired voice.  It could be from meds, or high bili levels or just being too tired from chemo, etc. to focus, but it can happen suddenly, and then it's forgotten about.   

Thinking about you all!

Jen

13

(21 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Lainy,
I'm on here EVERY day.  Several times, in fact.  I just don't post too often.  Dad talked about the table of food he saw in his dreams, and I'm sure he went directly to have a nice big dinner after telling us he was going to be "stepping off the curb on a very beautiful boulevard to go to the other world", as he put it.  Funny you should mention that, as I have spent the last 2 days reading all my posts about those final moments.  Guess I must have needed a good cry, and that did it for me! 

Katelyn is very excited, and has even decided that baby's name will be Alyssa (which we like and will probably use).  The middle name will be Breh... pronouced "Bray".  It's Dad's name (Herb) spelled backwards.

I will certainly let you know how I'm doing.  So far so good.  Andie seems to be doing well, according to facebook.  She has her moments as I do, but we still chat once in a while about our dear Dad's.  I can't believe it's been 2 years either.  Love the Teddy stories - I haven't had a visit from Dad recently, but would sure love one!  I know he's around though, no way he'd be missing out on getting to know this little babe before she's born smile 

All my love!

Jen

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(21 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hi Dorien,
I'm writing from a different perspective - a daughter who lost her Daddy way too early (and I was 30 when he passed away almost 2 years ago)!  From day 1, Dad's attitude was "it is what it is" and really focused his time and energy in making sure that we spent quality HAPPY times together, and he couldn't stand it when we sat there and concerned ourselves with the later-ons, and the anger and the sadness.  We actually got into a few arguements because I kept telling him it WASN'T okay and it really bothered me that he accepted it so easily.  Thing is, I'm sure he really didn't accept it as easily as he let on.  I had just had my first child when he was diagnosed, and I know it broke his heart to think of everything he would miss with his kids and grandkids when he was gone.  He chose to help us deal with our grief in that year and a half from diagnosis to when he passed by letting us know that HE was going to be okay, and that he needed to know WE were going to be okay. 
Once I figured that out, my attitude really did change.  I decided it wasn't fair to him to make him feel somehow guilty by always being so upset that he would be leaving us, because clearly it wasn't his choice and was hurting him as much (or more) then it was hurting us, whether he let on that it was or not.  Once I got that through my head, it was easier to face, and we often even joked about it (believe it or not)!  He went to have a family ring made for my Mom out of his wedding band, and when the women asked when he needed it by, he said "well, soon... I don't know how much time I have left", and I burst into tears.  When we walked outside he burst our laughing and said that the tears were perfect, and that we may as well use the "dying" card while we could.  I remember starting to laugh and not being able to stop.  He had that ring in hand 5 days later... ha ha.
Anyway, long post that could have been much shorter, I think it's just so important for us to realize that our loved ones need to know that we are going to be okay.  It's okay to cry, and be mad and be sad, but I think we (or I, at least) needed to focus on helping THEM feel better... they are the ones that are going to have to leave, after all.
Now, 2 years later I am going to be having my second child (due just 3 days before the anniversary of his death), and as sad as I am, I really do know he's okay because he made sure I knew he would be.  You have a beautiful family (I'm obsessed with your blog and instagram, by the way), and you will be fine afterwords.  It won't always be easy, but like others have said, things have a way of working themselves out.  For now, just continue to spend time with him and your kids.  Make memories and know that it's true what they say... the memories will get you through.  Oh, and one thing I wish I had was something from him with his voice.  Sometimes there's nothing in the world I want more then to hear his voice.  Just a thought for your kids.  There are recordable books, and as cheesy as it sounds, I wish I had him read one for each of us while he was still healthy enough.  It's a small keepsake that would have meant the world.

Thinking of you and your family.

Jen

15

(42 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Praying (and praying, and praying) for fantastic news after the surgery!  Keep us posted!

Jen

Honeez - I lost my Dad to this cancer 2 years ago in June.  I can so remember the emotions we went through when hospice got involved.  We had nurses stay at the house at night for the first while, and then we eventually moved him to a hospice.  The day they came to take him from the house is one I will never forget, but once we were there, we wished we had been able to bring him sooner.  He would have loved it, and the people.  It's a terrifying and sad step, but one I'm sure he, and all of you, will be happy to have made.  We were so lucky with Dad as the nurses and staff were incredible.  He made a peep and they were in there making sure he was 100% comfortable.  We never had to worry about him hurting.  You have to watch carefully though - nobody deserves to go through pain, it's unecessary and some places are better then others about ensuring the complete comfort of the patients.

What Notdoneyet said about those final days... it's true.  As hard as it is, try to look past losing him and see what it is he is gaining, and know there is no doubt in the world that they are not alone, not for one second.  It's an incredible journey, one I wrote about here and I'm sure you could search if you were interested.  Those last few weeks with Dad were incredible, and brought me more peace then I could have ever hoped for.  It's hard, and emotional, and I miss him terribly, but I know he's in a good place... the way he talked about his "other world" ensured we KNEW it was a good place.

I wish you many good times and positive memories with your Dad ahead.  Make sure to let him know that you are going to be okay while you can.  I think all Dad's need to know there little girls (regardless of age) are going to be okay.  Take advantage of every second with him, and know that there are people all over the world thinking of you and praying for you, and your family.  Stay strong.

Hugs from across the miles,
Jen

17

(30 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Well this is one post that sure makes a pregnant lady hungry!! Pam, my favourite recipe website in the world is skinnytaste.com. Delicious and healthy homemade recipes that list the calories, fat and everyrhig else. Some very decadent recipes that have been modified to make them healthier.

On a much more important note, I am beyond thrilled to hear the news.... I'll continue praying for Lauren and have faith the surgeries will be a complete success!

This is my last day of a two week California vacation, so excuse me while I go make myself a snack (and NOT of the fruit variety)!!!

Thinking of you all!!

Jen

18

(56 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Sending hugs and love across the miles Lainy.  I hope you are starting to feel better and gaining your strength back.  Thinking of you!!!

Jen

19

(16 replies, posted in General Discussion)

I'm so sorry to hear about Bruce.  He sounds like an incredible human being, and I'm sure an angel like him will continue to bring light, even in his absence.  May your memories bring you peace and comfort.

Jen

I already posted to your blog but can't help to respond here as well.  Words really can't say how happy I am for you and your family.  Miracles don't come often enough for people with this cancer, and I'm beyond thrilled that one is happening for Lauren.  She seems like such a strong and wonderful person, and with the strength she has, I believe she will come out of this with flying colours as she has with every other obstacle that's been thrown her way thus far.  So happy for you all!!!

Congratulations you to you... such fantastic news!!

Jen

21

(5 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Hi Everyone,

I'm back for my pop in every once in a while to say hello to everyone post smile  Still here daily and happy to be reading a fair bit of positive news. 

My family is all doing relatively well.  Christmas is of course one of those times of the year when emotions run high, and we are all certainly feeling those emotions a fair bit lately and missing Dad like crazy, but I know he's around.  It just takes hearing Bing Crosby sing a Christmas carol to know he's with us.  Besides, someone's gotta watch out for me and this 12 week old baby building a house in my body smile  Yep - pregnant.  Another baby to bless our family.  Dad would be so excited... his Grandchildren were his everything.  My daughter is looking forward to having a sibling (a brother named Bruce, according to her - ha)!  As always I'd love to share photos of my Shirley Temple-looking little girl, but I've never been able to successfully post anything from facebook so anyone who wants to add me, feel free smile

I wish everyone person on this site a very Merry Christmas, and all the very best in the year to come.  I think and pray for you all often, and hope you feel love surround you, especially this time of the year smile

Love,
Jen

22

(31 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Hello!  Thanks for the love!  We are all doing well.  You are right about Katelyn - she's growing like a weed.  I don't know if I can attach a link to pictures on facebook, but I'll give it a try... otherwise, feel free to add me (Jennifer Sadler, dymond_jennifer@hotmail.com).

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set= … mp;theater

This was taken over the summer, so a few months ago.  She turned 3 at the beginning of September.  I haven't heard from Dad in a while - not since my last post.  We were flying to Ontario last week and Katelyn made a comment about being in the sky just like Papa and asked if we could see him.  We had a good chuckle trying to explain to her that we didn't particularly want to "see" him while flying in an airplane.  That can wait a few (or a lot) more years smile  Lainy - I think it would be amazing to visit with a medium.  I'm sure Teddy will come through loud and clear smile

Mom is doing well.  Keeping herself busy with work and renovations at home.  The grandkids always keep her busy too.  We wish she went out socially more, but hopefully it will come in time.  Mom and Dad were always homebodies and loved just being with each other, so I really can't imagine how hard that transition would be. 

I am still on here almost every day keeping tabs on everyone - thanks again for the messages. 

Love to you all!

Jen

23

(31 replies, posted in General Discussion)

I am praying for peace and comfort for George and yourself Lynn.  I am sorry for what you are facing right now.  All my thoughts are with you.

Jen

24

(3 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

No need to miss me Lainy - I'm never far.  In fact, I'm here every day keeping tabs on everyone.  I'm just quiet, that's all smile

Definitely don't need any more proof then what we've already experienced to know there's more out there and Dad's still around us!


Jen

25

(3 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

I hope everyone is well.  A little story to share from this weekend.

My daughter turns 3 tomorrow and her birthday party was on the weekend.  As with most important times, I was really missing Dad.  On Sunday, Katelyn found a penny, brought it to my husband, and said "here Daddy, a penny from heaven, Papa's heaven", and walked away.  Well that was enough to set off the water works from me (ha ha).  I called all the adults that Katelyn is around regularly to find out if anyone has ever said Pennies from Heaven to her, and sure enough, not one of them ever has.  Thinking about it, she's JUST 3, and doesn't even know currency, so wouldn't know a penny from a dime. 

Glad to know Dad's still around and willing to send a little sign when I need it the most smile