I understand how you feel. I lost my wife, Nancy, almost 2 years ago. We were both 49 and had been married for 27 years. I am constantly torn between wanting to move on and start dating, but feeling as though I am still married and being disloyal to Nancy. I have checked out dating websites, but I can not bring myself to contact anyone. I was lucky enough to have a great wife for 27 years, maybe that should be enough. My days are busy with work, family and friends, but when I'm alone at night or driving by myself or on Mother's Day or just about any other minute, I really miss her. I guess I'm just waiting for my heart to tell me it's ok to move on and that hasn't happened yet. Like you, I don't want to grow old alone. But right now, I'm probably not ready to be a couple with someone new. You're probably not either if you have doubts. Give yourself some more time and enjoy all the moments you can, because as everyone on this site knows, Life can throw you a curveball. Maybe we just need someone or something to tell us it's okay to move on with our life.