Dear Jeff G.
Your words help me so much in understanding my Dad. He has touched about every single thing you mentioned. The idea of this disease holding the family hostage and sucking up all the money for medical expenses and pressing on with our daily lives. When he said those things, I interpreted them as he was giving up and wasn't willing to fight to live. It frustrated me because I wanted to tell him that if he didn't want to fight for himself then to please try to fight for me because I am not ready to lose him yet.
But I think I understand, since I have found out that he has this disease, it has consumed everything. It is all I think about, study on the internet, talk about and worry about. This disease has in a way held us hostage. I haven't talked to my Dad about anything BUT this disease. In fact one day last week, I called him three times in an hour because of new facts I found out about on the internet. He told me that his head was swimming and he didn't want to think about it anymore that day. It hurt my feelings because I wanted him to know everything there was to know. Like if we knew more about the disease than maybe we could somehow cure it. I even studied his MRI CT scans looking for, I don't know what.
This is a horrible disease but I am not going to let it hold us hostage. I have decided to leave the medical stuff to the doctors and just enjoy having him here with me today. Like you said, I don't know if he will be here tomorrow or in another three months but I have him today and I am grateful. If he changes his mind and gives treatment a whirl, I will gladly take him but until then I am going to stop hovering.
Thanks again for helping me unnderstand this better. Your kids are blessed to have you help them as their Dad and I am grateful that you gave me some Dad advice too. I so hope that you celebrate your 32 Wedding Anniversary and the 40th too for that matter.
Blessings to you and your family.