Thanks Lainey :-)

Pauline,
Thank-you for sharing,  I am 2 years into my life as a young widow and I find myself back here where it began, I struggle to find fulfillment in this new life though I am blessed with my daughter who is now 4 years old. I am grateful to you for the honesty in your words.  Xx

Grief

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.

Dear Pam- I am so very sorry to learn of the passing over of your dear daughter Lauren. I do not visit this site as often since my husband died 2 years ago, though I think if my cc family often.
I hoped your story would be different- I am sorry Pam for you and your family and friends. I am sorry for Lauren so deserved so much more. Xxx

5

(10 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Niamh-
Mr Mark Taylor is the Consultant Hepatobiliary and Pancreatic Surgeon within
Belfast Health and Social Care Trust. Ulster Independent Clinic is a private hospital in Belfast and you may be able to get an appointment through there.

http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/mark-taylor/31/559/b27

Hi Guys-
I just wanted to say Hi too- I more of a lurker rather than a poster now.
Good to hear from you both.
Take care,
Chrissy

For a New Beginning
~ John O'Donohue ~

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

8

(15 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Liz-
I think about you often.

9

(1 replies, posted in New Developments)

http://www.ammf.org.uk/2012/09/28/viewp … carcinoma/

A reliable urinary biomarker for cholangiocarcinoma – a dipstick test!

10

(15 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Dear tlcassara-
I am sorry that you too have learnt the word- Cholangiocarcinoma. This website will give you and your husband much advice and support.
As the next few days unfold you and your husband will be given a lot of information.
Try to take it one day & one doctor appointment at a time for now.


Chrissy

11

(7 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dear Teresa-
It is such early days for you. It is still early days for me at over one year. I cannot tell you it will get easier anytime soon but i can assure you that your husband is with you. Denis is woven into the very fabric of who you are today and who your children will become.

I could not survive these dark days without the merrywidow.me.uk website.

In his suffering you took one day at a time now in your suffering take one hour at a time.
Write down any dark thoughts on paper and burn it.

Take good care of yourself and hug your children lots.
C

HI Pamela,
I am not on here as much any more. I was just thinking about Lauren for some reason. Imagine how pleased I am to log in and find good news!
Keep doing what you are doing!
Chrissy xx

13

(13 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dear Jilly-
I don't have much to say- I am a young widow, only 33 years. I am 1 year into this journey. I log into a widow discussion site often- today there is a post about living alone which I liked. I think what we should try to do is- be alone and create some happiness from that to start. For me- I need to regain some happiness from within. I cannot go through loosing everything again dependant on anyone else. If you can do that first maybe the rest will follow for you.
All my best as always

HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF BEING HOME ALONE
DO...enjoy your 'me-time' rituals - a scented bath on Sunday evening, a good wine at the end of the working week.
DON'T...become so stuck in your ways that it becomes too much hassle to go out on Saturday night when you're happy in your PJs watching Breakfast at Tiffany's.


DO...glory in having sole control of the TV remote.
DON'T...find yourself repeatedly dozing on the sofa at 1am in front of an episode of CSI.


DO...use your home to entertain - at least once a month invite a bunch of friends round for drinks.
DON'T...keep your home as a sacred space, so intolerant of disruption that you secretly resent visitors.


DO...remember that you are part of a community. Those who live alone most successfully tend to reach out to those who live close by.
DON'T...rely too heavily on work colleagues for your social life. Aim to garner friends from many different backgrounds.


DO...cook yourself delicious meals and eat from your best china or dine al fresco when the weather is warm.
DON'T...rely on snacks or ready-meals because 'what's the point when it's only me?'.

DO?snuggle up in bed all day Saturday reading if that's what you feel like doing.
DON'T?do the same thing on Sunday. Variety in every aspect of our lives is the secret to feeling that life is stimulating.


DO?stay up until dawn reading, writing, painting, listening to music - whatever makes you feel alive. When you live alone?you can!
DON'T?cram activities into your diary because you fear being lonely. Relax into solitude and cultivate your creativity. It is no coincidence that many great female artists have chosen to live alone.


DO?spend time with people you love and like - you have no one's opinion to worry about but your own.
DON'T?waste a minute worrying about people who see the world only in terms of couples and make you feel slightly odd for choosing to live alone.


Copied from a DailyMail article

Paulene-
Thank-you for your post and thank-you for your honesty. "Getting used to this hollow feeling at the centre of my world", describes how I also feel so beautifully.
I wish you the very best.
C x

15

(10 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Dear Asunrae-
I lost my husband to this disease last year- We/I have a little girl who is now 3. This gives me a sense but only a sense of the loss that you must feel. I am very sorry for the heavy cross of grief that you must carry now.
My sincere condolences,
CM

16

(3 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man
was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help
drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend
all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They
spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their
involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he
would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he
could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for
those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened
by all the activity and colour of the world outside. The window
overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the
water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm
in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city
skyline
could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all
this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would
close his eyes and imagine the
picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a
parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he
could see it. In his
mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive
words. Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to
bring water for their
baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window , who had
died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital
attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the
other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was
happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she
left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to
take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly
turn to
look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked
the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had
described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded
that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said,
"Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own
situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared,
is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have
that money can't buy."Today is a gift, that's why it is called the
present."

17

(5 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Thanks

18

(5 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

My dear CC family,
Yesterday, father's day over here, marked one year since I made the last meal for my husband and we went to bed togehter. The next fews hours my David had a drastic decline and this cancer took him from me, from our dughter a few days later.
I miss him more than ever. I love him with all my strength and so much of life has lost it's meaning without him, without our marriage.
My daughter is strength now- I know David is in the fabric of who I am and who she is and will become.

Great news Susie!

20

(11 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

smile

There is a young girl, Katie- She posts under the name: derkuchen- I haven't noticed her on for a while- she is in remission according to the latest post and her posts are wonderfully uplifting.

22

(18 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Jose-
I am not sure if you ar Catholic- but the sacrament of the sick is very powerful and the gift of anointment may help her. Not just at the end of life but at any stage of poor health. My OH was anointed every month for a year.

I am going to use words now that are difficult but if your sister is entering the terminal phase of her life she will be agitated. It is in our basic animal instinct to run away somewhere on our own at the time of our death. It is only sedative mediatication that can ease this fight and flight instinct. This drugs will not shorten her life but it will give her much needed rest. Starting that medicine was a very difficult for me but I did not want the last words I shared with my darling husband to be firm words about getting back to bed or for him to fall trying to get up.
I can only share my experience i don't know if this is where your sister is.
All my best,
Chrissy

Dear Lita-
I can only echo the words of support you have got already from our wonderful CC family. We are always here.
Chrissy M

Dear Margaret-
I came on tonight looking for something to say to my dear Uncle who was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer just yesterday. I am travelling down to see him and his wife tomorrow.
You have given me the words.
A very sad day for us again almost 2 years after my David and I first heard the word, Cholangiocarcinoma.
Thanks,
Chrissy M xx

Dear SandT mom-
I am so very very sorry for your loss and the terrible loss for your two boys. You are widowed too young. I have posted this book title many times, CS Lewis A Grief Observed which provided some comfort to me after my dear husband passed away aged 42, (I am 32).
Keep in touch- many of us here know the heavy burden of grief and we are always listening.

Chrissy M