1

(12 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Clare,

Sending you a hug on the "angelversary" of your dear sister.  May the memories you hold in your heart, keep you warm and safe in the knowledge that you both had each other to love.

God Bless you,
Missing U

2

(8 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Tina,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your dear aunt Lori. I can tell she was well loved by you and that she will always have a special place in your heart.  I lost my Dad to this illness seven years ago and I know that even though my eyes can no longer see him, in my heart he is always there.

God Bless you,

Missing U

3

(5 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Hi Caring Wife,

My heart goes out to you; I lost my Dad to this illness seven years ago and both my mom and I felt as if his life was stolen, that death came like a thief in the night.  What I can tell you is that those days we spent supporting him were a blessing to us. 

I say that because we had the honour of walking my Dad back home. It was his journey, but we walked it too and at the time, we were just on "autopilot", not thinking, just doing.  I only broke down once in front of my Dad and it was when he told me it was OK to cry.  Now there are many more resources for this illness than there were back then- so, please reach out and get some support for yourself too.

Cherish every moment you have with your love.  Even the sad moments are opportunities for you to lift his heart and in so doing, you will lift yours knowing you are helping him by loving him unconditionally and standing by him when it counts.

God Bless you both,
Missing my Papa

4

(9 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Peony,

My heart aches for you! I lost my Dear Dad on January 13th, 2007 at 12:15 pm.  It is a day that will forever be etched in my heart. How fortunate are we that we've had such extraordinary lives touch ours?  I know that you will carry your Dan with you forever and I also am certain that you made a profound difference to him and along with your children and his family and friends, filled his life with blessings.  The sadness never completely leaves us, but I hope that in time your sadness will find a small corner of your heart, but that the rest of your heart be filled with wonderful memories of the life you had together and that the gift of this life can inspire you to live on in his honour.

Keeping you, your family, and of course Dan in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless,
Missing U

5

(14 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Helen,

Welcome to the site and congratulations on your wonderful milestone! I am so happy that you were able to have some significant treatment options early on and it sounds like you are doing well. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you continue to stay well and that your scan in February brings you the best news possible. I am certain you will become an inspiration to many of the newly diagnosed members on this site. I lost my Dad after an 8 week battle in 2007, so I wish for you what was not possible for him and does my heart good to know you are doing so well. I am rooting for you!

God Bless,
Missing U

Hi Kristin,

I am so sorry you are all going through this difficult time. I can't give you much advice on treatment options as my Dad was only able to receive palliative chemo., however, I can give some advice from a caregiver's perspective.

Many have said that there is no clear path for this illness, what works for one person, may not for another. Some have miraculously beaten the odds. Keep in mind that each one of us is different and responds differently to treatments, so if your dad is not successful with a protocol that has worked for someone else, try not to get discouraged. There are options that he can try and he has not exhausted all of them. I firmly believe where there is breath, there is hope, so please hang in there.

As for being strong- this is a tough one- many told me (including the doctor) that I had to be strong for my Dad; an impossibility for someone losing her best friend.  So, when I needed to, I would rage. I had a friend I'd call and many times I'd scream into the phone, so angry at the injustice of it all. When I could, I would cry my eyes out because I ached for my Dad's pain. I was afraid this emotion would have a discouraging effect on him, so my one hour tearful commute always ended one block before my parent's house where I'd Visene my eyes, use a nasal spray and would plaster foundation on my face to disguise that I'd been crying. For the most part I faked my strength in front of my Dad, but there were times of tenderness when we both cried and those are beautiful memories that I cherish.

Kristin, treasure every moment! When my Dad wasn't looking I'd be staring at him, memorizing the lines on his face, I'd pay special attention to the sound of his voice, I'd try to make him laugh, I'd try to steal more embraces because I was afraid that those moments would be coming to an end. Every moment you have with your father is precious, whether it is a moment of happiness, or a moment of regret at the situation. It is a great blessing and honour for a child to be able to give back to their parent and pain is the price we pay for love.

Try not to second guess yourselves, make sure you can get as much information as possible and use this site often as there are many wonderfully wise and caring folks on here who support for no other reason than they really care.  I found this site four months after my Dad passed away and I wish I had found it sooner.  Come here as often as you like and say what you need to, there will always be a virtual embrace waiting for you.

One last thing, and I'm not suggesting this because I think your father's situation is dire, but you might want to consider as part of your journalling, a book on father/ daughter conversations. It gives some really good examples of questions that turn into discussions that can be healing for many different reasons. The book is "Conversations with My Father: A Keepsake Journal for Celebrating a Lifetime of Stories (AARP)" and can be found though Amazon.

I'll end by telling you that your father, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. These situations are in God's hands and he won't drop us.

God Bless,
Missing U

Barbara,

I'm sorry to read what your dad is going through. I can't give much advice on chemo with a feeding tube. My Dad's only option was palliative chemo. However, don't forget that if he is healing from his stent, it may be possible to give him IV nutrition as an option. My Dad also went through bouts of vomiting and at times hiccuping and it was heartbreaking that he couldn't keep food down. I can relate to what you are going through and am keeping you and he as well as the rest of the family in my thoughts and prayers.  You will find this to be a wonderfully supportive and caring community and no doubt that other posters can give you invaluable advice.

God Bless,
Missing U

8

(4 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Linda,

I am sorry to hear that your husband's cancer returned.  I can't offer much in the way of advice because my Dad was diagnosed at extensive metastasis. It sounds to me that you have not exhausted all options yet, so that is very positive. A second opinion may be beneficial as you weigh the different options. Keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,
Missing U

9

(82 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Hi LoveDad,

I too am sorry that you are in a position that you had to find this site, but glad that you did.  You will find much support here from both those who are going through this illness personally, and from those who support a loved one facing this illness.

My dear Dad also was diagnosed with this illness and while he is no longer with us on this plane, what I learned is that everyone's story is different.  Miracles are still possible and as long as there is breath, there is hope.

You and your father are at the beginning of this journey and as some of the others have said, it's a good idea to take along a pad of paper or a tape recorder so that you can play back the advice you hear.

Sloan Kettering is an excellent facility and based on your post, I already know that the love and concern you feel for your father will be the best medicine he can have.  I will keep you and your father as well as the rest of the family in my prayers so that he receives the best care possible and that you are all supported during this challenging time.  I know this is extremely difficult to face as a daughter, when your father's life is threatened, but know that your support of him will carry him and you will see how much of an honour and blessing it is to have the opportunity to care for your dad in his time of need.

God Bless,
Missing U

10

(4 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Dear Friends,

It will be six years in January that I lost my Dear Dad and it feels like a lifetime ago since I felt the warmth of his embrace. There have been oceans of tears in that time, but also moments of crystal clarity and I wanted to share one of these moments with you in the hope that you will find some comfort in these words.

We’ve all had life events that break us and hopefully we’ve been able to put the pieces back together but we are never the same; sometimes the pieces don’t fit back the same way and sometimes there are gaps in the mosaic of our hearts- but there is a beauty in that unbroken-ness.

In my mind, I imagine that the broken who have been pieced back together can be like earthly angels with a broken wing. Despite sadness, there is often a way to comfort. Intense pain resulting from losses somehow connects us and in a Divine and Holy way, we have the power to heal each other and in so doing we transform ourselves by being for others what we need for ourselves; we can transcend our pain and infuse it with meaning in the process.

Angels with broken wings can’t fly;  at least not by themselves. But together with other such single-winged beings, they can soar because alongside a similarly fragmented soul they miraculously become whole.  We can be them if we choose... we can lift each other up; and that gives me hope... we are meant to carry each other; to lighten each other’s hearts even when our own is heavy laden.

So, if we accept this broken-ness, it can be a blessing when we recognize that together we can take flight... and to think that it is the Breath of God who gently directs our course, this reminds me of His perfect and Divine choreography, that we often will only be able to appreciate from the ultimate destination when we finally, softly, and safely land by His side.

Many times I lose this clarity because I still view the world through sad eyes, but more times than not I am able to remember that my Dad expects me to live and sometimes the only way I can do so is in his honour.

I wish you all peace of heart and spirit,
God Bless,
Missing U

11

(25 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Rena,

I am sorry your father is going through all this. I wonder if IV would be an option, as Lainy mentioned. My Dad was on IV liquids that sustained him for a while.  Hoping that he can get some much needed assistance with this. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,
Missing U

12

(13 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Lainy,

What a wonderful visit you had!  About 4 months after my Dad passed away, I also went to a medium and he told me my Dad was fine, was healthy, very present in our lives, etc. It was all pretty generic until the medium asked me if I was a writer. Well, I'm not (professionally), but would love to do that as I have a few books started. Not sure how he'd have picked up on this.

I've also had several signs from my Dad since he's crossed over, two very special ones I'll share. The last flowers he got my mom before he was sick were these yellow-y mums with a vein running through the petal. The summer after he passed away, almost identical flowers appeared in her garden. We'd never had these before. Each summer from then, more of them appear, there's the original kind and then each year there's a hybrid. It's like she's receiving flowers from heaven!  For Christmas we always buy an Amaryllis plant and regardless of when we buy it, last year it was late, it always blooms for Christmas Eve/ Day. 

If you're interested in a site for these types of communications, here's a link to AfterDeath.com- I go on there quite often as it's very comforting and supportive. ttp://www.after-death.com/Pages/MessageBoard/Main.aspx.

God Bless,
Missing U

Hi Alla,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I can understand how that turns a family upside down, experiencing the loss of my own Dear Dad almost six years ago. 

I'm glad you have your own appointment to see a therapist and perhaps from that you'll gain valuable insight into helping your son. Teenagers are so connected to the internet now, do you think he might be open to some web resources, if he's not comfortable with a face-to-face session?  These links may be worth exploring- http://www.opentohope.com/?s=loss+of+a+ … godShAALA; http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Health- … rent.aspx. 

The second link is from a Christian perspective. I wondered if there is any clergy member you could confide in- at the time of my Dad's death I was very angry at God, but as time went on I started to see how every moment of life is a miracle, even  those moments filled with the sadness of this illness. I can honestly say that my Dad's illness and subsequent death helped rebuild my faith, so this is another option.

Lastly, could your son get involved with something that would help someone else- something like Big Brothers or a Homeless Shelter, even a Habitat for Humanity type of thing. This would be a way for him to channel his pain and help another- it transforms ourselves and others when we can transform our sadness.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers,
God Bless,
Missing U

Hi Darla,

I agree with the other respondents- you need to strongly advoctate for yourself with this type of cancer. Doctors expect patients to call and you may as well find out the time frame they have in mind to review your case, so that you can pursue other options if it is too lengthy of a wait. I like the idea of contacting the Dr. at Sloan Kettering. With my Dad I contacted a well known Canadian Oncologist, Dr. Robert Buckman (who has unfortunately passed away) and I did so through his contact email on his hospital website. It was enough for him to eventually get in touch with me and discuss my Dad's treatment and do the same with my Dad's Oncologist. So, if you have some names and their contact emails, it wouldn't hurt to get the word out through the web- that way you may've increased your medical support team with the click of just a few buttons.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, God Bless.
Missing U

Bob and Nancy,

I'm sending out prayers for Jeff and for you both as well. How fortunate to have discovered now that the regimen he was on was not working in order to try something else. Some of the other respondents seem to mention some other combinations, so there sound as if there are possibilities!  Hang in there and you'll all be in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,
Missing U

Hi Everyone,

This is a difficult time for many of us who've lost a loved one. Right around this time six years ago, my Dad was hospitalized for the last time. Just today as I was driving home and seeing the neighbourhood houses with their Christmas lights on, I couldn't believe we'd spend another Christmas without him.

Yet we are spending another Christmas without him. It isn't just about his death, it's about the way he died, so quickly with this insidious illness that stole him away from us with only eight weeks worth of warning.  During that time, we were still hoping for a cure that was never to be.  In the blink of an eye, his life was extinguished and with that, our lives too. Or at least the lives that we led back then.

So, while this message starts sadly, I want to let you know that it is possible to rebuild a new life and use that sadness to comfort another.  In the time my Dad's been gone, my mother and I have tried to live on in his honour- for the most part, the visible things have been to donate to charity and we now sponsor six kids from World Vision. When there are opportunities to show kindness to another, we do.  Many times we do this for ourselves and for the recipient, but for the most part, we do it for Him, so that he lives on through these acts of kindness that were so much a part of him.

Friends, this Christmas, I'd love to say to you that time heals our hearts, but it only partially heals them. The other part is up to us.  The loss of my Dad will never be totally healed, but the enormous hole he has left is being filled by the drop with these things I force myself to do in order to continue his legacy.

For all of you who've lost a loved one, I wish you peace of heart and spirit. I wish that somehow you can transform your pain into love of another. Even if you have to pretend to be strong, your strength will fortify another. That's what it's all about- we need to hold each other up, because sometimes only those who've fallen are fit for the task.

Brightest Blessings as you remember your dear loved ones this Christmas season. God Bless You All.

Missing U

17

(7 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Erin,

I lost my Dad too in January of 2007, he was diagnosed only 8 weeks prior. It is a difficult journey we travel, those of us touched by this disease, but please know that the support you gave your father was the best medicine he could have had.  It will be going on six years since my Dad passed away and the thing that helped me heal most was to push myself to do things in his honour. I would have rather fled somewhere and raged at the injustice of it all, but I wanted to make him proud and through these things, I felt I was helping him to live on by helping others. Many times I faked it, having lost my faith in a lot of things, but eventually I saw that my pain was transformed into meaning.

I am so sorry you had to experience this with your father and I hope that you will soon be able to recall the wonderful memories you have that will never die.  My mom and I were also there at that moment and I was so blessed to have been able to hold my Dad's hand up until the moment it was taken up, somewhere far away.

God Bless and you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers.
Missing U

18

(15 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Tiffany,

I am praying that all goes well with your treatment. Your doctor sounds like he is taking good care of you. Knowing the extent of what you're dealing with will give you the best opportunity for success.

God Bless,
Missing U

Prayers sent for Jeff and his family.  Jeff continued to give support to members on this board even when his own health was dwindling- that tells me more about the nature of his love than anything else.  His journey will continue to inspire many through his determination... he truly did take it to the limit.  My sincerest condolensces to Jeff's beloved family.

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U

20

(13 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Jeff, my Dad had extensive mets to the bone and was diagnosed at stage 4.  He was immediately placed on Dilaudid. It seemed to manage his bone pain, the pain associated with the ascites build up or from his liver really was not at all effected by the Dilaudid. I understand it doesn't have the same effects as morphine, but it was hard on his digestive system really slowing everything down.  I'd heard that the Fentanyl patch is one of the best pain meds that has one of the fewest side effects, especially the ones on the GI tract- we didn't have time to experiment as he passed into Spirit within 10 weeks of diagnosis. 

Thinking of you in with prayer and in friendship,
Missing U

Jeff,

I wish for you the very best possible care.  May your heart be surrounded by peace, comfort and most of all love.  You are an inspiration with how you deal with your illness.  You have given freely of yourself to help others along the way, teaching them from your experience, endlessly comforting those who are newly diagnosed or their caregivers.  You are a beacon leading the way through the fog and I feel blessed to have "met" you through this site.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U

22

(37 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Irene, I am deeply sorry for your loss.  I too am an only child and when my Dad passed away from this illness after only been diagnosed 2 months prior, I felt like a part of me went with him.  Our lives are never the same when we lose someone we love, however, what I've tried to do was to honour my Dad with the way I was living my life and to be there for my mom as much as I can.  To try to move one step at a time and to allow myself to be still when I needed to.

I can't imagine how you may be feeling and although there are no substitutes for family, I hope you are able to draw support from the members on this board, some of whom can relate to you because they are dealing with the same illness, others such as myself who relate  from walking alongside a loved one who put up a brave fight. 

My heart goes out to you and I send you prayers that you may be surrounded by comfort and support and that when you are ready for treatment that the doctors' hands are divinely guided and can truly help you.  I hope you can find comfort in the great amount of support you provided to your dear mother, being with her up until her last minutes on this earth.  I am certain that in the way that she can, she will be with you too supporting you and loving you from that place that is only but a breath away from where we are.

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U

23

(16 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Jan, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.  I have heard many positives about the Mayo Clinic when it comes to rare cancers.  There are many on this board who have been living with this illness for several years, beating the odds and are beacons of hope for those newly diagnosed. I only found this site after my Dad passed away; I am glad you found it when you did and hope that you can find much support and knowledge here.

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U

Frogspawn,

My sincere condolensces for your losses.  I too lost my Dad at the too young age of 69 after only 2 months of diagnosis. When he was diagnosed the CC had spread to his bones and it was only after four weeks of knowing he had secondary cancer that they found the primary.  He had no other options than palliative care.

Having surgery or not is a personal decision and a torturous one at that, expecially knowing how difficult CC surgeries are.  However, having that option is having an opportunity to do something about this disease if you want to.  For us, the decision was not ours to make... having walked the difficult journey with my Dad I am left with the hope that for others who are diagnosed with this illness, that they will have options.

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U

25

(15 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Suzanne,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Is it possible to do a split regimen of radiation and chemo- to get the benefits of both?  You asked how you are to get through this... take all the love that is offered you and know that we all wish only but the best for you.  One precious moment at a time...

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U