I know how you feel......I personally think it is normal to go through some low times. The key is not staying there. We are human, we get scared, we get depressed, we get anxious. It goes with battling the unknown of this disease.
I am going on six and a half years, I have had resection, recurrence, chemo treatments, clinical trial with great results but now find myself at a point where it looks to be growing again.......scans on April 18th and results on 19th. I have been a little depressed lately too. I have two girls graduating high school in May, family coming this summer, a high school reunion I am looking forward to.....and all I can think about is how I just don't have time for this DAMN cancer!!!! And when it comes to feeling like an old fat sausage......I get it!! I would add Old, Fat, and Wrinkled Sausage!
So I take a deep breath and realize it is what it is...... I rely on my faith, family, friends, medical team, BUT ultimately it is up to me how I want to live my life, and as long as I am breathing, I am living! So I do what I can, the best that I can, and I let the rest go. I also have a very dear black lab who is near and dear to my heart, he brings me much joy when I am sad. I pray that you find a way out of this depression, but please don't feel alone, we are here for you!! Love, hugs and prayers coming your way!