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(10 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Happy thanksgiving everyone. I know I have not been around a lot lately (just trying to figure out my life somehow) but I think about you guys a lot.

Lainy wrote:

Dearest PCL, I am crossing everything I own, eye, ears, arms etc! I am also send out great big prayers for a successful resection. You know we all want the best for you and I truly wish for God to come through the Surgeons hands.

I too am crossing all imaginable! Wishing you a most successful surgery!

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(2 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Aw, Lainy, that is so sweet of him. You have some wonderful friends!

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(7 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

Andie, such beautiful words. Was my first fathers day without my dad too so they really apply to me as well.

I think people were lieing when they said it would get easier every day. Because I feel as you do...that I miss him more each day.

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(4 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

Thank you so much for your kind words, Lainy, Marion and Nancy! I'm glad I felt strong enough to write it and share it with you.

Lainy, i think that is a wonderful idea. And it would be interesting to compare the poems dependent on how far from his death i've written them to see how i'm doing (thats the geek in me, always doing research! i blame...and thank...my dad!)

I was struggling with today, the first father's day since my dad passed away in February. I didn't know what to do. Unfortunately, i'm stuck on call all day for my job and had to get up at 3am this morning to support our systems (I work in IT). So i found a few extra minutes and wrote this about him. I feel good about it. I love you, Dad.

AND happy fathers day to all the rest of you dads out there, and those of your who have lost your dads too....may this day not suck too much.

Thanks for letting me share...maybe someday I will put some music to this...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I looked for you in the stars tonight
But didn

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(7 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Thanks all for the suggestions. I think i'll try to do something along those lines smile

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(7 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Sorry i have been so absent lately. Been going crazy with work and trying to adjust to my new life w/o my dad (who passed in February).

Hope you are all doing well and I've been thinking a lot about you all lately.

As fathers' day is coming up in the next month, my therapist and I have been trying to think of something I can do that day to honor my dad and maybe not be so heartbroken all day. We can't think of anything that fits. I'm not a religious person and I'll be on call for work that day so I won't be able to even leave my house sad And my mom is working that day too.

What do you guys think? Any suggestions?

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(1 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

hehe love it. and very true, coming from the head staff member for 2 cats

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(3 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Happy St Patricks day!
We celebrated early on Sunday with my family - corned beef, cabbage, Irish soda bread, etc. Mmmm

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(9 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Thanks everybody. I'm glad im not the only one that feels like this sometimes. I do know they are trying to help and be nice, but sometimes I just feel like i want them to stop and treat me like a normal person. Like if they ask "how are you doing" and i say "im doing ok!", then they should leave it at that and not ask "are you really doing ok?". Some people just don't get the hint, i guess.

I'm trying to not get annoyed at people since i know they care, but some days its harder than others. I just have to try to be more understanding of how uncomfortable the whole thing probably makes them too.

Lainy - Teddy sounds like he was such a cutie smile

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(9 replies, posted in Grief Management)

not to mention yesterday was the 1 month mark and everyone at the get together yesterday knew this.

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(9 replies, posted in Grief Management)

I'm starting to get annoyed with people constantly asking if I'm Okay after all of this.

I know that most of the people are asking because they really care, or because they don't know what else to say.  But it's starting to aggravate me because I'm trying to get into my normal life (I like Lainy's "new normal" notion - that's really what it is) and having to keep answer those questions is almost like a step back each time they ask.

I tell everyone I am ok, and getting through it. I don't tell them the whole truth, well, because i know they don't want to know that in reality, im not doing well at all! That doesn't quite make for good conversation.

So why do people insist on bringing it up over and over again when they clearly see that i'm trying to enjoy myself? They know that every time they ask it makes me upset but they keep asking. I even had one person yesterday ask if me and my mom (who was in the room and could have asked herself) were ok, and when i said yes we were doign as best we could, she told me it was going to get harder and worse. Why, thank you, that definitely made me feel better.

Has this happened to anyone else? How do you deal with it and when do people stop asking all of the questions?

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(9 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Oh dear, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with horrible people stealing your stuff. Can you maybe install some of those "fake" surveylance cameras and motion sensing lights outside to deter the jerks stealing your stuff? Or how about installing a security system at your house? Do you at least leave 1 light on in the house when you are not there? We have used those timers on occasion to make it look like someone was home.

In regards to the W word, i dont have experience with it, but Wayne will always be your husband no matter how the drs or the government defines you. They may call you a W, but you will always be M in your heart.

Could you possibly hire a local handy-man to help you with things around the house and fix the lawn mowers? Or a small local landscaping company may be able to cut your lawn for you for not very much. My father-in-law runs one and he only charges $35 a lawn, and that's a once-a-week cut.

And you ARE NOT a failure in this new world - you are doing just fine and the issues you are facing are understandable given the situation (well aside from people stealing - thats just mean!). Hang in there, hope things start to get more sunny

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(4 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

Hehe thanks Lainy smile

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(4 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

3.14 smile

Clearly I am a math geek and so was my dad. He used to call me and my sisters Sweetie Pi's big_smile and would always wish me a happy 3.14 day through text messages.

That makes me sad and happy at the same time. But mostly happy - I like that smile

17

(35 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Melanie - I'm so sorry for your loss sad

I know everything seems so raw right now, especially with having to make all the funeral arrangements. That was my "numb time" when my dad passed. It really didn't hit me until that commotion was over and I had to get back to my "normal life". Like Lainy always says, i'm trying to make my "new normal". Its a struggle every day, but knowing that my dad would want me to move on and lead a happy life without him is comforting. I'm sure your husband wanted the same for you and your kids.

I'm thinking about you guys a lot and wishing you comfort wherever you can find it right now

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(17 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Andie,

Your dad would be so happy! He'll be with you guys on your trip - in your hearts smile

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(12 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Lanne,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom sad I agree with you that i'll never get over watching a loved one diminish and pass away. I experienced that with my dad just over 3 weeks ago, so my heart goes out to you.

Please take care of yourself during this time,

Kim

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(4 replies, posted in Thought for the Day)

Did she think you were lying? That would be a horrible thing to say just to get out of jury duty!!!

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(5 replies, posted in General Discussion)

I found out today that all of my students loans from my college education that were taken out in my dad's name are forgiven due to his death.

Towards the end of his life he kept looking forward to us (his daughters) being more finacially stable if he passed away because the loans would be forgiven, but we didn't believe that would really be the case if he died. We just let him believe it because it gave him peace.

Turns out, he was right!!! Thanks for the wonderful gift, Dad. smile

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(8 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Thanks, Lainy. I'll definitely be talking about you all to her! You're such a good support system and i'm so thankful to have you guys smile

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(8 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Hi all,

I've been having such a hard time lately dealing with the passing of my dad. It feels like the first two weeks were my "numb time" and now its really kicking in. I can't sleep for my life, my mind is just keeping me awake, even if i take sleeping medicine, i can't get to sleep. I was actually able to sleep last night, but my dreams were so wacky, similar to how you dream when you have a high fever, so it was not restless.

I'm hoping therapy will help me try to understand my own feelings and get through this time a little easier...it will at least give me someone to talk to that i won't stress out more (I know my pain/difficulty dealing with this is making things harder for my mom and husband).

I've been to counseling before when i was younger, but for different reasons. Are there certain things I should be talking about in the first appt? Should I make a list of my biggest concerns/things that are causing me the most anxiety to try and make the most of the appt?

Thanks to all of you for letting me get my thoughts out on virtual paper tongue

Well, yesterday would have been my Dad's 58th birthday. He missed it by a mere 11 days. It was a heartbreaking day, but I spent it with my mom, older sister, brother in-law and their adorable little 2.5 month old girl.

I just felt the need to post you all today. My dad was an amateur astronomer, and was seriously obsessed with Nasa. I got that from him. The Discovery mission STS-133 was planned to launch yesterday, his birthday. I found a program online that was NASA's "Your face in space". I submitted his name and picture to them the day after his death as a tribute, and they went up yesterday with the shuttle.

Happy birthday, Daddy. He would have thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I know he's looking down from those heavens on us now for sure. You know, switching between that and dangling his feet over the grand canyon.

Maybe in a few weeks I'll be ok enough to type to you guys about the last few days of my dads life. I think it might help someone, and it will for sure help me.

25

(9 replies, posted in Grief Management)

This is beautiful, Andrea.

I feel the same way about my dad and its been just a week. The numb and the sad moments will start to meld and become sort of "normal life". I also hope that soon I will be able to think of the happy healthy dad days before the last few impossibly painful ones.

Kim