So as some of you know, I don't frequent this site often. But I have found some comfort in it as I have continued to struggle lately with the loss of my mother. I am coming up on 4 months since she has passed, and one year since the day we found out she had cancer, and it just doesn't seem to get any easier.
I come on here sometimes to read stories, and to find how others are dealing with the loss of their loved ones, and I just cry. Your stories are amazing, and as diffficult if not more than mine, and I still find myself feeling so alone. My mom passed at the young age of 54, and I feel like she had so much life left.
My struggles seem endless these days, as sometimes I don't even know where to turn. I am at a loss for words sometimes, as I just can't seem to figure out what the next step.
My sister turned 30 this year, and I will soon turn 27. And I sometimes I can't bare the idea of life without my mom or all that she will miss. It hurts so much sometimes its hard to breathe. And then there is my Dad. He and my mom were married 33 years, and to wake up every day, without her by his side is even harder than any of us imagined. Sometimes I don't know how to help him cope or how to make it easier, when I can't even make it easier for myself. I am so scared of moving forward without her and can't bare the thought of the moments that will be some of the most important days of my life and how she won't be there to guide me through it all.
Sometimes I feel my days are filled more and more with sadness and less with the happy life I am sure she would want me to live. I get up everyday, I go to work, and I do what I should, but I admit that I feel like there is not always much emotion behind it all and that sometimes I think about wanting to stay in bed all day.
Does it ever feel less numb?