I love that...if he was still here, you two could have been on "Dancing with the Stars"!!  Thank you for all of your beautiful poems.  I am supposed to be getting pictures on the computer to run at dad's memorial, during the food time.  Is it ok if I use some of the poems I've read on this forum?  They are so touching, personal, and beautiful.  Thanks, and God bless,  Paula


(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

True, true.  I just spent four days with him.  His mental confusion is getting worse, and he is getting so weak.  I feel so lucky to help him through this, as I know all my family does, but it is so tough to see him deteriorate, so rapidly. His heart beats on so strong.  My uncle is with him now.  He loves him so.  You guys are so kind to let me vent like this.  I feel this is going to kill me too, if not physically, emotionally. Paula


(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

I did not say they were using Prednisone, except to control the fevers, until a solid diagnosis had been made (which took 2 years!!!).  Perhaps, if he could have had a sooner diagnosis, we could have had stents, chemo, etc....but too late.  It doesn't matter now, my dad is dying, and there is not @%$&^ we cac do about it.  I only know a lot of people are losing a great man!!


(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

No, no, no,...they gave him the prednisone to control the fever.  He was misdiagnosed for 2 yrs., but as I've said before it's too late.  They simpy could not figure out what if was...he saw 10 doctors!!! Small town medicine.  Who cares?  He is declining rapidly, and none of that matters.

Just spent four days with dad.  His mentally processing is deteriorating rapidly...he is very overwhelmed and confused, so we are keeping things simple (except the "I love yous")  So sad to see, because he was so strong before.  I can't wait for his suffering to be over, although I will miss my best friend more than ever.  Every flower I see, every good deed done,  every bird that I hear, will remind me that my father is near. I believe, and am comforted by that thought, but I sure as hell am going to miss him!  Paula


(28 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Lainy,  I love that poem, and it is so true.  Is it ok for me to read it at my dad's memorial service, as I know it will give great comfort and hope to so many?  Thanks, Paula


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Dear Bkat,
  Thank you so much for your kind words.  My dad told my uncle (his longtime friend of 60 yrs.) that he thought he had cancer 6 mo. ago.  Once diagnosed the 1st of Feb., my dad has been ready to "go".  He declined chemo and got his stuff in order. He has made a steady decline.  We are keeping him comfortable, and trying to help him maintain his dignity, although his mental processing is soooo slow at this point.  The family is so devastated by this, we are struggling to cope.  I hope it won't be long for my dad, because this past weekend, he told me he couldn't wait to, "be a man again".  My God, my heart broke, and I told him he was a very strong man.  My uncle told him God was just trying to find a place for him, which was why it was taking some time.  His passing can't come fast enough for us, but my mom won't let go, which is why he is holding on.  God bless all who have this and endure, because it is a hard/challenging road to bare.


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Inflammation caused by what?  My father was put on Predinisone for this fever.  Prednisone is used for inflammation.  Is Prednisone a factor in causing CC?  Was your wife on prednisone?  The only way to solve a mystery such as this aggressive cancer, is research and approaching and asking basic question to begin with, right?


(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Yes Eli, possible, but unlikely, as he was "his old self"...active, busy, etc. before his fall/accident, so I instintively feel there is some cooralation between the accident and the onset of CC.  He had blood transfusions and a cadaver bone grafted into his back, extreme trauma, which was a blow to his immune system.  After the accident, and subsequent recovery is when his fever began...and it has been approximately 25 mo. since then, and he is in his final days.  I guess it doesn't really matter, although some reason for this would be helpful/useful for future studies and closure/understanding for the family.   Thank you for the information.  I wish you and your wife my heartfelt blessings, and prayers.  My dad just didn't have the fight in him, but your wife does, and Godspeed to her.  My goal is to donate, and do, what I can do to make advances in diagnosing/treating this cancer, which involves collecting/analyzing data/information on victims of it.  Honestly, like most of us on here, I had never heard of it until my dad's diagnosis, so I am looking for answers.  If many people agreed their CC had been proceeded by a traumatic event, that info could be given to researcher's to use, just as pharmacuticals look for info to help with medication side effects, etc.  Why not ask, right?  If others do not report trauma, accident's, etc., then I will not look/nor report any further, but I felt I must ask.

That is such a sweet story, and you are so kind...I really appreciate it.  Your Teddy sounds like such a great guy, and I am so sorry for your loss.  You are such an inspiration to so many people on this site.  I have been reading the posts in this section, and they have been heart wrenching, but so helpful too.  I guess not knowing what to expect is hard, but I'm getting a good idea of what to expect, generally speaking. Thank you, and God bless.  Paula

Lainy...I found it!!  Did your husband take methadone?  When hospice first came, they started him on it. Within 2 days, he was having "visions/dreams".  He said 25 people came and talked with him (from the other side).  I thought this was a sign he was getting close to the end, because according to what I have read, he had all of the other signs, including the picking and then the burst of energy...wow!! that was 3 weeks ago.  My sister came in, they took him off of methadone, and the visions stopped.  They were just giving him morphine, but then pain got worse, so they put him on lower dose of methadone, w/morphine for breakthrough pain.  He hasn't had the hallucinations again, but does "drift" in and out of reality occasionally. My poor father just wants to die, but for some reason won't.  He told my uncle 6 months ago, he thought he had cancer, and like I say, he started with those fevers a couple of years ago.  He had lesions on his liver last year, but was told not to worry about it...so I think he's pretty far along.  So, his pain is controlled, but he feels like s--t.  He mostly complains of discomfort in his abdoman region, he burps when he drinks, low appetite, sleeps alot.  I am not scared, but SAD and feel so helpless.  The family is taking turns taking care of him and my mom (because he used to take care of her, before he got so ill), and I have this Fri-Mon., and I can't wait to see him.  I know these last memories are important, but I also miss my old dad, and it is so difficult to see him this way.  My brother (who is there this Mon -Fri) said hospice has called someone to come aid with bathing.  When I was there last week, he was bathing on his own...I don't know what to expect.  We have also had so many other issues come up, since my dad got diagnosed...my long lost brother, who we all haven't seen in 25 yrs.!! showed up (very strange.  Luckily, my dad was so relieved to see him, he started crying.  The care of my mom after my dad passes has been a trouble area for the sibs.  It's so hard going to his house, because his shop is filled with his tools and things he's made, this house he built with his own hands...and I know it's all fixing to be over...just like that.  Man, am I ever sad.  I have talked with a therapist...grief advise, medicine (which I don't want to take), because I want to grieve.  I live very far from my mom and dad, and have an iffy car, a business here with my husband.  I feel I am flinging apart, because of the stress.  I know my siblings feel the same, and my mom doesn't say much, because I think she is in shock.  She would never consent to getting "help", although I think she should, because she has so many decisions to make, etc.  I try to stay upbeat, and even if you don't read or respond to this, I feel better.  In fact, "journaling" is one of the things my shrink suggested.  Thanks for listening.


(4 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Thank you for that info...I will look for it.  My dad is funny...he told the hospice nurse, when she was initially discussing pain control measures, that when he was young, people who took morphine were considered "dope heads", and he never had done that, etc.  She explained the difference between addicts, and using the meds to control pain.  But, he is still a bit obstinant about taking ANY of his meds.. I almost think he feels if he doesn't take them, it will hasten the end (which is his goal).  I feel really uncomfortable talking about his acceptance of this, when so many are fighting this dreadful disease.  My dad will be 80 next mo., and he told me before this diagnosis that he thought his end was near.  I just shrugged it off, and told him "no way", but it looks like he knew.  Anyway, although losing my dad is my worst nightmare, I am in his corner on this, and cannot bear to see him suffer.  I am hoping the info you mentioned in that "pallative care" bit you wrote about will address this kind of stuff.  Thanks so much.  Paula


(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Thank you for your feedback on the topic, but isn't fever one of the symptoms of this cancer?  Paula


(4 replies, posted in Introductions!)

I am sorry, I failed to introduce myself.  I just posted about my dad and how he broke his neck, I suppose, because I want to know why he got this.  We just found out at MD Anderson that he has it around mid Jan.  It is in his liver, lungs, lymphs, and bones.  He opted not to have chemo. So, into hospice.  He is so miserable, he just wants to die, and I don't know what to tell him, or what to expect.  Our family is in shock.  My mom and dad have been married 59 yrs.  He has always been the active, upbeat spirit in the family, and now that he is getting weaker and wanting this to end, we are all lost and scared.  He is a man of great faith, so we all are comforted by that.  I am just glad to be in this forum, able to post, wonder if anyone else has someone in his situation, and what we should expect.  When I read other peoples posts, I am heartbroken, but also inspired by such great courage and endurance that so many of you write about.  Thank you for your stories.  Paula


(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

My father broke his neck in Jan. 2010.  Months after he fully recovered from that, he began to suffer from "Fevers of Unknown Origins".  After seeing 10 doctors, and feeling awful for 2 years, he was diagnosed with stage IV CC in Jan. 2012.  Does anyone think there could be a connection?