Welcome to this wonderful site. Your feelings and emotions within your words are just amazing. I don't have much to add, but I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my wonderful mother to this nasty disease and I feel angry. I feel so angry that I can no longer cry for her loss. In the beginning I felt her presence, but that is slowly fading away and I am frightened that she is leaving me forever.
There are amazing people on this forum that have so much wisdom and knowledge that they lovingly share with us. Unfortunately, far beyond the seas where I reside, there is very little information available and the treatments are no where near as advanced as what they are where you are from.
Once again, welcome and sorry you had to find us.
Take Care & I look forward to your posts