Thank you Pam and everyone else who responded.
I wanted to go to a Grief Support class but it's from 7:30-9:30 PM, once a week for 10 weeks. I didn't like the hours, so I gave it a lot of thought. Then this morning, I spoke to my mother (like I have been doing since she passed away) out loud, and asked her if I should go to this class or would should be willing to help me through my grief. Believe it or not, a thought came across as "I will carry you through your grief." No joke! I feel like my mother is with me and speaking to me through my thoughts, can that be true? Also, when I start crying, I can almost hear my mother through my thoughts, telling me not to cry, which I then stop crying. Am I going out of my mind or what??? Please let me know if I'm going crazy.
Anyway, I called the Pastor in charge of this class, to advise him in advance, that I would not be attending his class tonight, but I felt like he was giving me the guilt trip. He responded "I was depending on you; you really need it; I have such a small class; I'll give you a ride to and from the class ( I don't drive)." Very very nice of him, but one of the things I dislike is when I'm being forced to do something that I don't want. I responded that I would call him back later today but now I have decided that I don't want to call back just to decline again. My decision was already made the first time I called this morning. Just want to know what your thoughts are.
I'm 59 years old, have been sober for 20 years, go to my meetings and get support there as well.
I love to stay home as I can talk to my mother & look at her framed photograph on the wall. I also feel that she's with me in spirit and that her soul is inside my heart. Can that be?
When friends say "if you need anything let me know" I noticed that they never call or email me or offer to get together for coffee etc.. So, now I know who my true friends are. Amazing what you lean when you're going through a huge loss in your life. My family (2 cousins and aunt) have turned against me as they want part of my inheritance that they're not intitled to, so they're out of my life too although I still wanted to be in touch with my aunt who's going to be 85 next month. I have cut all contact with them. It's a great pity that my aunt always not matter what, sides with her children, therefore I haven't heard from her in 32 days & probably never will, unless she realized one day that we both need eachother.
I am so grateful to hear from all of you which is helping me slowly ride through this storm. It's one little step at a time & one hour at a time. I'm trying and that's all I can do.
Thank you for listening to me and thank you for letting me share on this web site.