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(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I took off for a minute but things got hectic.  My Nana, summergirl's mom, passed away on Valentine's Day.  Oh my, I thought I could write more but I think I'll come back another day.  I just wanted to let everyone know and thank you all again for all the support my mom and I got.

From the bottom of my heart,

Amber
(Nana's "Angel girl baby")

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(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Hi Lainy,

I've probably read every post you've ever done so I'm very glad to hear from you, and welcome back. 

Yes Nana has Hospice.  She also has aides/sitters 24 hours a day.  She has been on and off Oxycodone, Oxycontin and oxygen.  She is on Lorazapan three times a day to help her agitation and ever worrying mind.  All seven of us, eight being Nana, have told her how much we love her, that we'll take care of each other, that she doesn't have to worry, that we will miss her but we will all be ok.  She has been the matriarch of our little family and a bit of a control freak at times.  The hardest part for her in all of this is that she "can't do what she use to."  In fact even bedridden she has told people that she's being lazy.  Really, nowadays, she can hardly speak so she doesn't say that so much anymore.  Lainy I don't even think she's dying of cancer at this point.  She's not showing any signs of jaundice, no bloating and no real pain besides her back (she has severe scoliosis and osteoporosis).  I don't know.  Thanks again for writing back.  You'll probably have to get use to my ramblings.

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(13 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Hello wonderful people of cc.org

I have been following this site for almost a year and a half since my grandmother, Nana, was diagnosed.  My mom is summergirl and I know she has found this site very helpful.  For all of you who have offered her information and support I thank you.

I find myself turning to this site as I live in Los Angeles, Nana is in Baton Rouge, and I just need someone to talk to who knows about this monster.  I have traveled back home once month every month since October.  Twice in the last three weeks.  I am struggling with the guilt of not being there full time and the exhaustion of flying, crying, screaming, pacing, and all that jazz.  We are a very small family and I am the only one missing.  I fear that I won't be there when she passes and I fear that she'll keep holding on until I'm there again. 

My Nana has been up and down and sideways and this nightmare just keeps spiraling.  One day we think it's the last and then the next day she wakes up, eats and drinks.  Everyday is the same and every day is different.  Friday she thought she had died, Saturday she was practically comatose with no eating or drinking and then yesterday she woke up and wanted King cake and Dr. Pepper.  This uncertainty is unsettling for us all.

Anyway.  Thoughts on how all this goes?  I mean in three weeks she has practically died twice, thought she had been cremated, realized she wasn't, eaten and not eaten, could suck through a straw and not suck through a straw, etc. etc. etc.

Thanks for reading.  I'm so sorry for the fact that you understand.