I don't even know where to start.
To my beautiful wife:
I love you and miss you so very much. I try to get by without you but it hurts so much. I try to get involved in all the things that meant so much to us, but it feels so shallow now. I try to be more like you with our children, but you were so good at being "you" that it backfires when I try.
I try to be me, but I no longer know who that is. My life has lost meaning and purpose, but I will not say that to my children nor mother-in-law, who I love dearly.
Today, I have cried since the minute I awoke. I don't know why today was the day that this came crashing down on me. I have had tough days since you left us, but today is most definitely the worst.
To my CCF friends:
I do want to thank you for all the help and consolation you provided during these past 2 years. You were most definitely my "go to" place, and people, for support, information, and guidance. I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to even log in anymore.
I know the people on this board care deeply about each other and want to help in every way they can. I have so much respect for you because - even in your own situation - you want to help others. I tried to do that while I was helping navigate the path forward for Lynn. But with Lynn gone, it's so very hard to even think about this horrible cancer, let alone try to think about how I can help others going through this.
Hopefully, someday I'll be able to re-energize and help others with the "lessons learned" while dealing with this disease.
I have already found out that holidays have been changed forever. And someday, maybe the family holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas will have a new meaning. This year, they remind me of the pain. I wish I could be more positive during this special time of year.
Regardless, I want to truly think all of you and wish that you can find a way to have a happy holiday season.