I would be happy to work on a chapter, Lainy. I just had my first dream visit this past Thursday morning, and dear God I needed it. Our daughter has been under some stress, 5 and 2 year old sons, and babysitting her 16 month old nephew and to top it off her husband fell off a ladder and broke his ankle and his heel in 2 places, so she's babysitting him too. She's been needing her momma badly. She told me when she gets stressed maximum she's feel a hand on her shoulder or the small of her back and it calms her, how awesome. On Sunday I asked her if she would like her moms favorite winter jacket, now we live in the boonies and have some hellacious winter winds and her favorite winter jacket was a maroon hooded Carhardt. She gladly took it home and later in the evening her 5 year old, who was Mammies boy, came down the stairs with it on. She had a jar candle burning on the dining room table and when Noah walked in the room, the candle went out. She took that as a hey that's my jacket, but you're welcome to it.
I approached my wife, tentatively, asking is there anything you want to do or see, she no, I just want my grandkids here as much as I can handle, and we did. My wife was a worrier, as is my father. I think seeing the stress my dad put on himself, for no reason, led me to not look for things to worry about. Now when my wife, Cindy was diagnosed Feb 2011, I know she worried but never showed it. We made onc appts and chemo days, date days, we'd pick out something to see and a new place to eat and go out on a date after her appt. A few times when she was having radiology on her neck, her mouth got so bad she couldn't eat, but she wanted to go and order the meal, she'd pick at it and say now you have dinner tomorrow. Even though I'd been married to her 38 yrs, it absolutely reminded me of why I loved her so much. She didn't want people around her crying and feeling sorry for her. She wanted her family, and to live life as much, with them, as possible. She told me one day, "I have decided to not worry about what I can't control". From that point on, her advice to anyone who would listen was, "don't sweat the small stuff". I try to love by her advice today, mostly because I lived though the big stuff with her. God's grace to all.
Re: Scan results...some help and suggestions please. (10 replies, posted in General Discussion)
Hi Christie, as others have said, I would not tolerate a doctor being so unprofessional as to slamming a book because I asked a question. If you are looking for recommendations...Indiana University's Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis has an excellent oncologist very familiar with CC, Dr. Paul Helft. He is very patient and will talk to you and answer your questions as long as you have them. They also have a great surgeon familiar with CC and an aggressive reputation for doing resection surgeries and implanting liver infusion pumps, Dr. Michael House. In my two years of dealing with staff at Simon, while fighting my wife's CC, we never had one negative experience with anyone, a fantastic hospital with fantastic staff. Hope this helps, prayers and best of luck with your momma.
I think about your family everyday, as I know you did mine a few months back. I read the other day, about the pain of grief, "It doesn't get better, it just gets different".
Well, as I approach 6 months since Cindy passed, I am seeing, feeling some things differently. Yesterday, while driving to an auction, I heard "Loving Her Was Easier" by Kris Kristofferson, one of the 2 songs played at Cindy's funeral. I was able to listen to the song and not lose it, just think about her and how deeply I loved her for 40 years. I walk into the auction and the first thing I see is an antique wooden milk crate, one of the things we always looked for at sales. It was painted in black letters Prairie Farms Dairy, Carlinville, ILL...Cindy's hometown! I just looked at it and said OK, OK, baby I'll buy it. It made me feel good inside!
I tell you all this because just a short time ago I would have went into full blown panic attack and left. It was JUST YESTERDAY that I realized, things are getting somewhat different. I am able, occasionally to think of her and smile and even laugh. I still cry like a baby every now and then, but not as often.
One day at a time, one step at a time. Grief is so personal, whatever you feel you need to do is what you need to do. No one can tell you whether you "are doing ot right".
As always, I keep you and your family in my prayers.
Pam, I woke this morning with you all on my mind and said a prayer. God bless Lauren and family.
Stay strong mom but take care of yourself too. I know the effects of this kind of stress, take care. You 2 have a wedding to plan!
When I prayed last night, I prayed aloud...think I'll do the same tonight.
No questions Tiff, just know your in my prayers!
Hi Holly, I can't help you with your questions, but I just feel the need to tell you how much I admire your attitude. I don't comment very much but read many of the posts, as my wife Cindy, had made many friends on this site and it's a way for me to follow their progress and keep contact. Your compassion for others while you fight your own battle with this indiscriminate demon, reminds me so much of my Cindy's attitude and compassion. Occasionally I go back and read through Cindy's old posts and it amazes me, knowing what she was really going through, at how much concern and love she would show others and that is what I feel from you, when I read some of your comments to others, it's almost like I'm reading her posts. I lost my Cindy 3 months ago today after a 23 month battle with CC and after over 38 years together, you can imagine, I miss her very much, she was just a few days short of her 57th birthday. It's kind of strange, but for a couple of days now something has been pushing me to tell you how your compassion comes through your posts. You obviously have a big heart and I have added you to my prayer list. God Bless You. Ok now whoever or whatever has been leading me to tell you this...I did it, and I hope this doesn't seem to weird.
I've already had several "God winks". The day after Cindy passed our son had been in our bedroom talking to his wife on his cell. He came out and said "man Dad, it's so nice in there with the window open". I said, "huh, did you open the window, because I didn't". Neither of us opened the window but there it was cranked wide open and for Feb. 6th in Indiana it was a beautiful day. Our red tail hawk who has been with us for years nesting in a huge white oak on the back of our property was circling and screeching away. Cindy talked to the hawk every time he came through and he/she became quite social to us. On the day of Cindy's funeral, a red tail led the procession all the way from the funeral home to the cemetary, flying in front of the hearse. He would land wait for the first few cars, containing family, to pass and would then fly back to the front of the hearse and repeat the process.
A few nights later the TV was on and a commercial for a hospice group came on. The nurse was taking care of a Scandinavian lady and had been told, by her, to make sure to open a window when she passed, as this was a Scandinavian custom, so her soul could leave. I thought OK now I get the window being opened.
I too could go on and on and it's not been quite 3 months yet, but I am a believer and it all brings comfort to me.
Lainy, I wish I could show you a picture my daughter took on Easter Sunday. She took over 20 pictures outside during an Easter egg hunt for the grandkids. My wife Cindy had passed 7 weeks earlier and the kids insisted on having our traditional Easter at "home". Our oldest grandson Noah and Cindy were extremely close and in one picture, Noah is picking up an egg and there is a mist totally encircling him and a beautiful purple to blue orb to his right. Two other pictures showed her presence, but the one, there really is no other explanation! I took the purple/blue orb as her recognition of Easter, as it looks like an Easter egg. I'm pretty sure Pam has seen it as her and Cindy were facebook friends and she and I have become friends too.
Thanks Lainy and Marion, That is the reason I aquired my own log in. I have read a few post latley that I thought I could help with an answer or suggestion and did not want to post under Cindy's log in. As a constant caregiver for two years I have learned a few things and if I can help someone dealing with what I call the "indiscriminate demon" known as CC, I want to, and Cindy would want me to.
Hi Dorien, my wife Cindy was diagnosed 4/2011 with intrahepatic CC and was treated at Indiana University Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis. August 2011 her Dr. recommended her speaking with a social worker about SS disability. CC is "on the list" of cancers qualifying a person for SS. Her process started in August and in November she recieved a check for 8 months of SS, back to the month of diagnoses. I do know you can have limited income while receiving SS disability, but am not sure of the amount. I would never make a recommendation about a person leaving their job to draw disability, although if his job allowed maybe he could work part time and be under the maximum allowed earnings. I know in our case, it was getting diificult, mentally and physically, for Cindy to continue to work while having chemo. It allowed her and I to spend more time together and with our kids and grandkids. Sadly Cindy lost the battle with CC in February of this year, three weeks short of her 57th birthday. God bless you and Kyle.