1

(7 replies, posted in In Remembrance)

Dear Carl, your post really captures the feelings a spouse has when they are left behind. You describe so eloquently the raw and unceasing pain.

It's been a little over a year for me now. I can tell you that you do start to learn how to live with the pain.

And I believe Darla when she says it gets better, although I have not yet seen that for myself. And I believe Lainy when she says that life is for the living, although I haven't felt that yet either. But their experience gives me hope.

Yes we carry on for our children, but it can seem impossible some days.

It's wise of you to come back to the cc family/ forum now and again. Yes it's painful to remember the suffering and loss of your beloved, but those who have traveled this path before us offer much hope and wisdom and comfort. For that I am grateful.

To those who still have their loved one with them, I will say my biggest regret is that while my husband was still alive his illness moved so quickly we didn't have the chance to talk about our life together after this earthly one. I really yearn to know what he would have told me. I believe in the signs, and do see them.

Carl, for now don't think of big chunks of time. Sometimes it will be all you can do to Just think about breathing. That's an accomplishment.  just hang on second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Before long you'll find you have stretched that to a day, then a week, then a month. You will feel better. As Lainy mentioned, if you are spiritually inclined, cling to that for dear life and it will help. Lean on others for now.
I am so sorry for your loss. Know that many are thinking of you and wishing you comfort.
Margaret

Duke,  I have to agree with Lainy about the need for action.

That was not appropriate patient care. When I think of all the good that comes from the support and exchange of experience and ideas on this forum, I can't imagine any of us being better off without it.

I have learned more about my husband's disease from reading this forum than I ever learned from the medical community in the two months he was treated by them. I appreciated their care and concern, but there is a lack and patient knowledge is critical.

Again, so sorry you had to put up with his ignorant remarks.
Margaret

3

(13 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Wonderful news Lainy! Have fun!
Margaret

Duke, in reference to your concern, if it's any consolation, my husband remained his same kind self throughout his time. Courage and bravery are the words that always come to my mind when I think of my husbands amazing and ceaseless fight. Take heart.
Wishing you many more Christmases.
Margaret

Dear Kevin, my deepest sympathy. I'm sorry you've had to suffer this ordeal. Like others, I too have a similar story in that my husband was only two months from first visit to doctor to death.

It truly is as though your loved one has died suddenly in a tragic and horrific accident. It is haunting. My husband died 13.5 months ago and I still relive many of his toughest moments. It is getting better but it's slow going.

His courage and bravery in the face of this disease will always be with me too. As Lainy said, it does get better, but it's hard to believe that now.

Thank goodness advances are being made.

I'm so sorry. Condolences to you and your family.
Margaret

Sorry Duke. This just seems cruel.
Margaret

Thanks for sharing this with us Lainey. Always enjoy hearing your fond memories of Teddy.

Sorry to be chiming in so late after the fact but I lost my password and only today had time to get it reset!  I know, that's lame. But me and passwords have a real love- hate relationship.

Margaret

8

(3 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

I got nothing, other than to say that both these Surgery stories really cracked me up!
Margaret

9

(0 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Hi Friends,

Before the holiday wind-up begins, I just wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving holiday.

I am grateful for all the support, knowledge, experience and caring that is shared here. Oh, and the jokes too! :-)

Take care everyone as you travel, and my prayers are with those who are fighting cc: and their families.

Blessings to all!

Margaret

10

(20 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

Hi Lainey,

I haven't had time to post much lately, but I check in now and then and was so happy to read about the new man in your life.

Now things have taken a turn. Hope you'll consider it a practice run. Wonderful that you've had the experience and see that you'll be ready when the real thing comes along. You are a jewel! Thanks for all the sharing and caring you do with the cc family here.

Your enthusiasm and passion for life is a great inspiration to the rest of us who lost the love of our life and are now trying to rebuild.

And to all the others on the forum who also are so helpful with information, support and encouragement, you are all truly a God-send!

God bless!

Margaret

Big hug to all three of you.

Tabytha -- all the best to you on your second opinion at MD Anderson. It's a big place, with lots of very busy people. Follow Duke's advice and ask questions, questions, questions. You are getting great advice here. Keep up your great, strong spirit. Don't give up!

Duke and Lainy, I thank the Lord for both of you, for all the spirit and wisdom and strength you bring to each and every one on this board.

Margaret

Dear Sara,

I'm so sorry. Sorry your sister went through this, sorry for what you and her son and husband are going through, and the pain you're feeling. Cling to your faith, seek comfort there. It is a struggle to survive through the sadness. I wish you strength and hope. It's wonderful that you and your sister had one another.
Peace and comfort,
Margaret

Lainy,
It was nice getting your update and so glad to hear that it's good news.

Just hate the idea of MD visits as entertainment, but who knows, maybe that's where Teddy will arrange for you to meet a new companion. Teddy does have a great sense of humor, after all, from what you've told us. And I'm sure you brighten any waiting room, just the way you brighten our lives here on the forum.

I'm hoping the summer will bring even more good news -- enjoy getting out to do a little shopping -- and I'm sure Teddy will send you a few signs that he's out and about with you. ~

Hugs to you!
Margaret

14

(11 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Dear Pat,
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry for your husband's death, especially from this disease, and that the two of you suffered this horrendous experience. Yes it is a difficult road ahead. Some of us here have discussed the emotional trauma caused from this roller coaster cancer, while at the same time enduring the loss of the one you love. I'm so sorry. It is devastating and I'm sorry for your pain. Praying for strength for you. Margaret

15

(4 replies, posted in Members' Cafe)

How sweet!

Congratulations. I'm happy for both of you!

Margaret

Cathy,
The success of your treatment does indeed send hope to others. I enjoyed reading your description of how this site has changed and I'm so glad for it. Perhaps in another five years there will many more big changes, and we'll see this cancer brought to its knees.

Congratulations to you -- so glad for your good news and thank you for sharing it with us!
Big hug!
Margaret

Yay!
Good news Alison! Hoping along with you for good news in June. ~
Margaret

18

(8 replies, posted in General Discussion)

Julie,
No advice. Just wanted to say I'm sorry and that I'm thinking of you and sending hopeful thoughts that your discomfort will ease.
Big hug!
Margaret

19

(6 replies, posted in Grief Management)

Thank you dear, kind and thoughtful friends.

I appreciate your thinking of me and your helpful words of encouragement. Lainy I do feel John was with us and yes, you're right, he wouldn't want us to always feel this pain. I like your mantra -- it is so true! I was so lucky to share 38 years of life with John!
Darla, thank you for keeping my family in your heart and thoughts. We are trying to keep our spirits up and most days we succeed -- and most days aren't as hard as Sunday was.
Clare, Lisa and Marion thank you -- I know that each of us has our tough times on this road we didn't ask to travel. It has indeed made me feel more compassionate toward others and their hardships; and I trust what you say about the kids, too, Marion.
Thank goodness for being able to lean on one another. Meanwhile, I always try to remember that John is happy because he's in our Lord's kingdom.
Love to all of you,
Margaret

Hi Friends,
Today was my husband's birthday. John would have been 59. It's been almost 7 months since he graduated to heaven Oct. 24. The good thing about today is that my 13-year-old daughter was confirmed in the same faith that he was baptized in.

I nearly fell to sobbing during the ceremony but worked really hard and managed to hold it together. The emotion just came crashing over me without even realizing it was happening until it was almost too much for me to control. Of course that would have really embarassed my teenagers!

I think this day will be extra special for my daughter later in life. She really loved her dad and he loved her very much. Still can't believe he's gone.
Margaret

21

(23 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Oh my gosh, Stephanie, I'm so sorry. Even though I saw my own husband fade before my eyes in two months' time last fall, it is still so shocking to me to hear when others also pass so quickly from this disease.

As someone who is only about six months into being a widow myself, I offer you my deepest sympathy.

I'm glad you've found this community of fellow travelers. I've learned so much here about the disease my husband died from and it's helped me to understand what our family, particularly my husband, went through.

I suspect you take comfort from knowing Matt found this site and was making use of it. I hope you'll find this family of supporters will also be a comfort and a help for you too.

Again, I'm sorry. May the caring of others help you find some respite from the sorrow and pain of your husband's passing.
Margaret

So sorry Nancy.

Sending prayers for strength and comfort for the two of you. Hope you can feel that the Lord is there for each of you, holding you up.

Margaret

Here are books I read to better understand what was going through the mind of my husband when he was sick. They shed light on the comments of people at the end of life, with suggestions on how to talk with the terminally ill. Wish I'd had them sooner when my husband was still alive:

http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Under … 1451667256

and

http://www.amazon.com/May-Walk-You-Home … 159471214X

Margaret

This is wonderful. THank you Marion.

25

(8 replies, posted in Introductions!)

Crissie,
Your description of your father's progression sounds so similar to that of my husband's. My husband 58, died in October and the last few weeks he was bed bound, hardly ate anything, vomited quite often, was constipated, couldn't sleep except in small doses, lost lots of weight until he barely looked like himself.

My husband wasn't really able to talk much at the end, and really needed the pain medicines, which made him sleepy with only a 20-minute window or so of being wakeful and able to communicate with us.

It was very sad to witness. Takes real courage for a person to endure to the end of this disease.

Margaret