Topic: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Is this normal?
I'm home and healthy.
Things are good.

But now its like I feel like I need to start my life over. I feel like there is so much I need to do, but I don't know what to do.

And then...my family.
Can you believe NOBODY (other than my mom and dad) has called me in the past 2 months. No visits when I got home. Heck, I didn't even get a facebook message from some of them.

Any advice?

~Tiffany~ 31 years young wink Fighting CC since 10-27-2011
Wife to Brian; Mommy to Carter (8) and Madison (4)
http://tiffanyschwantes.wordpress.com/
Liver transplant 7-9-2013

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Tiff....from what I have learned yes, depression is very likely following traumatic events and as in your case, traumatic surgery.  This is the time to reach out for professional help.  While in the midst of turmoil, our minds go with the flow; it is after that we work through the emotional impact caused by the circumstances. 
You know that all of us are here for you - this you have covered, but one on one with a qualified counselor will allow for personal, honest, unguarded interaction.
Give yourself a break, dear Tiff, you deserve it.
Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Dear Tiff, I just answered a bit asking how you are doing on the other post today. Tiff people can be funny, I don't want to butt in on this but I had this when Teddy passed. I still cannot believe what went on.  Or I should say what did NOT go on. Teddy was the most beloved man I ever met. I could not believe how lovingly and respectfully people treated him. I used to tell him he could start a cult and would end up with thousands of followers. He was a man's man and a woman's gentleman. T was born and raised in Milwaukee and he knew everyone and helped everyone. From Sicilian refugees to Al Jarreau the Jazz singer. At his Memorial there were about 400 people in a little adult community out here. After the Memorial I heard from NO ONE. Not his favorite cousins, not his best friends, and I could go on and on. I finally just let all these people go or I would have gone cuckoo. I still don't understand it. I do hear from his kids every week and his sister has called me everyday since he passed but people I thought I would really hear from....nope.
So my advise is don't waste good energy on trying to figure people out. Wait for a time when you are not feeling so deserted by them and then perhaps say something. I learned from a wise person who said never react in anger/upset as every dog has his day. The most important people are the ones with you!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Hi Tiff,

I am sorry you are feeling down, but I have also heard that people become depressed after surgery. It's almost like having post traumatic stress disorder, so give yourself a break and speak with a professional if you feel it would help.

With regards to people not calling, I think that is common. People are caught up in their own lives and seem to come around when something big happens, like your transplant, then they get back to themselves. I have a handful of friends that do still care and call me to do things. Lisa (from this site) has always been there for me. But others can really surprise you. I haven't seen Gio in over two months!! This is a kid that practically lived at my house for 8 years!! I have tried and tried to see him and he doesn't want anything to do with us because he says it hurts him too much. So I patiently wait for him to come around, but it is less on my mind now, because as Lainy said, it would drive me cuckoo if I dwelled on it all the time. When you are over the hurt, get in contact with these people. They might be giving you time to adjust. I'm sure they still care, but if you worry about it and feel bad about it, it will just eat you up. Enjoy your time with your family and just be thankful to be alive!! Take care.

Much love,
-Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Hi Pam, I sure have missed you and your Post made me feel better too. I guess if everything in our lives was uncomplicated it would get pretty boring. So, come on bore me for 1 hour, I'll take it. As for Gio at least he was there when it was really important and I can imagine it is hard for him however, I would rather be around you and feel that part of Lauren that is in you. Know what I am trying to say? Its like Teddy's kids, I call them kids but they are all in their 50's, they feel their Dad through me now. Pam you have done amazingly well, I am sure behind closed doors things are different, but who wouldn't want to be around you? Good to see you my friend!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Tiff,

I'm glad to hear you are home and things are going well from the transplant perspective.
I think dealing with people is harder than dealing with cancer sometimes.
I'm sure we can all relate to and have our own experiences with people just acting totally different than how we anticipated them to when we are going through the most stressful time in our lives.  I have had friends totally ditch me, some people who are overly curious about my situation but don't really care about me and some people who were very supportive initially but dwindle off as time goes on.  It hurts but I have basically stopped trying to figure these people out.  I have a select few who truly care about me and those are the ones I turn to. It doesn't always work, but I try to not focus on what I don't have and focus on what I do have. Being active in my church has really helped me.
I would let your Dr's know.  I think often depression can not only be a side effect of the surgery you had but depression is a known side effect of many anti-rejection meds, so I'd talk to your transplant team or oncologist soon.
Hang in there!  You have been through so much.

Pam, great to see you on here.  I think of you often.

Take care,

Susie

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

I think dealing with people is harder than dealing with cancer sometimes.

Truer words were never spoken Susie. ^^^^

I had our social worker tell us at the cancer center here that
we would be SHOCKED at who "stays" and who "goes" with a cancer
diagnosis.

SO true and shocking.

It hurts a lot, I am sorry that YOU are hurting and that you
feel "forgotten" (is that the right word?)

I say be patient with yourself and agree with others to speak w/Drs
if/when you need to!

Dorien

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Dear Tiffany,

I can only echo what everyone else has said.  Since Jim passed away I have experience much of the same. 

All you can do is try not to let it get to you and take care of yourself.  That's what's important and you know you have everyone here to listen and support you.  We all understand and we all truly care.  Eventually things will work out as they are supposed to and although you may only have a few people who stick by you, they will be the only ones that count and deserve to be a part of your new life.

I hope things keep going well for you in your recovery.  Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Tiff,

I remember after my last radiation treatment for breast cancer and my last chemo for CC, I cried in the car on the way home and felt down for a while.  I think being out of "fight" mode left me feeling adrift.  I went and talked to someone each time and it really helped.

As far as people go...I have given up having expectations for other people's behavior.  It's hard for some people to relate to people who have or have had cancer.  It's scary for them, makes it too real.  No excuse, but it does separate the wheat from the chaff as they say.

One good thing about having had cancer, I don't ever shy away from anyone no matter what the circumstances.  I would rather risk saying the "wrong" thing than not saying anything. 

Take care of yourself!
-Randi-

Survivor of cholangiocarcinoma (2009), thyroid cancer (1999), and breast cancer (1994).

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based only on my personal experience as a cancer survivor. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Hi Tiff,

I wish that I could offer some help with this but having never been through that not sure I could say something that would be of help to you here. I'm glad though that you are home and doing well and that to me is brilliant news indeed. I agree too with getting some professional help and speaking with someone who can help with this.

How about asking a question or two if need be to out Dr Giles? He has helped many people here and should you wish to contact him he can be found here -

http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/ask.htm

You really have been through so very much lately and please do what you want to to take care of yourself. And you know of course that we are all here for you too!

Big hug for ya,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Tiffany-We need to talk, call!!! I see a counselor and waited way to long to go. The first thing she told me after I rambled on for an hour was you have PTS!!
Tiffany how can you and me have any negative feelings when not only are we cancer free but we are alive because someone isn't, and how can everyone have loved me when I was sick and now that I am better everybody has moved on, or not around??? Any of this sound or feel familiar??!!
I know for me it has helped getting help but the biggest help has been paying it forward with Daisy/Rosetta family!!
Just remember you are not crazy and what you are feeling and thinking  is all part of healing, tell your transplant coordinator and find a counselor it is a big help.
Call me later, I get it, been there and still dealing with it!!!
Cathy

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Thank you all SO much. I know I can always come here, and y'all will love on me and understand me.
I'm feeling a lot better today after talking to our Cathy.
I just have so many emotions running through my mind.....it was nice to vent and talk about them all.
Ahhhh
Sending lots of love to you all! I couldn't do this with out each one of you!

~Tiffany~ 31 years young wink Fighting CC since 10-27-2011
Wife to Brian; Mommy to Carter (8) and Madison (4)
http://tiffanyschwantes.wordpress.com/
Liver transplant 7-9-2013

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Wow, Tiff I could hear and feel your sighs all the way to Phoenix. Great and so glad Cathy could help. This really is some kind of wonderful place to be...if you have to!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Depression After Surgery...And Do People Really Care??

Tiffany, you are a spectacular woman!! I know how alone this stupid disease can make us feel. You have so many people in your corner, and to those that have stepped back, let them. Forgive them, because they don't understand how it hurts you.

KrisJ
"Don't just have minutes in the day; have moments in time."
Any opinions I give are based on personal experiences, and are not based on medical knowledge. I strongly suggest receiving medical care and opinions.