Topic: Eight Months

Today is 8 months since my husband of nearly 37 years lost his battle with cholangiocarcinoma. There are days when I think I won't survive. This is one of them. Grief is definitely not for the weak!

Re: Eight Months

Hi Gigi,
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad today. I've had those days too. My husband of 23 years passed away almost 5 months ago and sometimes I think it's getting harder.  My sister told me today she thinks I have a "low-grade" depression going on.  No doubt about it! I don't seem to care much about anything these days.  Here's hoping it gets easier for both of us as time goes on.
Dianne

Re: Eight Months

Hello Gigi, I just replied on your other post, saw that one first.

Dianne, I am so sorry you are not doing well. Have you thought about getting a little boost from your GP? Just thinking, you DID agree with what your Sister said. Guess I never fully realized how much comfort I get from being a believer. I know that has gotten me to this point. It's 2 1/2 years for me and I just cannot fathom the time has gone that fast.  I only had Teddy 16 years and I wish it could have been for centuries but for 16 years I am extremely grateful to have had that kind of love. Try to keep thinking all the good things as you adjust to your "new normal". Don't know if you saw this but I wrote it a couple of months after T passed.

How Are You Doing?
Everyone asks me how I’m doing since you went away,
With a smile on my face I answer, “I really am okay”.
Matter of fact its very hard but I promised to be strong,
Until the time we meet again, in your arms where I belong.

In the morning when I wake, once where there was warmth all night,
There’s nothing but an empty space and a pillow to hold tight.   
Our closet now holds all my clothes it still looks kind of strange,
I try to make it look like more and constantly rearrange.

When I’m in the kitchen and working at the sink,
Many times I stop and this is what I think…..
If Teddy was here he’d grab me to give a little cue,
That he was about to hug me and say his, “I love you”.

No more are the corny jokes that grew longer by the year,
What I wouldn’t give now for just one more, to hear.
When someone calls, your message is still kept on the phone,
That way no one knows I am really home alone. 

When day is over and dinner is eaten by one, 
No more thank you-s for the meal well done.
Can’t find anyone to scratch my back,
There’s just a big hole here, a hole of midnight black.

But, how am I doing? I’m doing okay,
I know that you would want it that way.
And I know you are with me morning to night,
Still watching over me, that every things all right!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Eight Months

Hi Again Gigi,

All I can say is that you will come to realize that you are stronger than you think and you will survive.  There are days that is hard to believe, but it is true.
I thought the same way, but 5 years later, I am still here and taking it one day at a time.  smile

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Eight Months

Lainy,
Thanks for your concern. I really didn't mean to give such a dark impression of my state of being. Some days are fine, but others are quite hard. I think that when a person has a situational depression, the best way to deal with it is to just grieve your way through it and the pain will surely ease up hopefully sooner than later. Of course, if it interferes with a person's functioning normally, then a doctors visit is in order. I'm ok in this regard, just certainly no where near my best.  Thanks for the poem, it's lovely. You really are talented.
Dianne

Re: Eight Months

Dianne, you are so right, it does seem to get harder rather than better. But that will pass! We can do this! They would want us to!

Lainy, beautiful poem!

Darla, I know I am strong and will get through, but sometimes, being strong is exhausting and I just don't want to, you know? But My kids and grandkids need me. So when I'm too tired to be strong, I do it anyway for them.

I will survive!