Thank you for your kind words. Supposedly everything happens for a reason, but what reason can there be for this? I still have days I think back to what happened and even tho' I lived it, it is hard to wrap my mind around how quickly he went from a very active, seemingly healthy man to dying so ravaged by this disease. I had never even heard of Cholangiocarcinoma before all of this. It is a very aggressive form of cancer. I know that even if he had survived any length of time, he would not have had the quality of life he deserved so for that I am grateful. Their passing quickly is a blessing, but is so much harder on those of us left behind.
I do understand your pain and how you are feeling. Cherish the memories of those 8 months that you shared. It will now mean more to you than you could ever have imagined. Jim and I were together almost 45 years. Married for 41 and for most of those years were together pretty much 24/7. I take comfort in knowing that I had more that most people ever are lucky enough to experience, but that doesn't stop me from wanting more.
I too was pretty much non functional in the beginning, but I realized that I just had to push through it and try to go on. In time you will find that although it never totally goes away, you will have more good days than bad and will be able to think more about all the good times than those last 2 months. It does get better with time.
The poem Lainy posted above is one that I pretty much keep in my head for times when I am feeling down. In the beginning I said it to myself daily.
Just take things one day at a time. That's all you can do.
Love & Hugs,
"One Day At A Time"