Topic: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

Last week at the same time as I was bringing Remicade into my life I had a revelation. For some reason I was getting depressed. I decided I needed a break from CC for awhile. When Teddy Passed hardly a day went by until last week that I did not post. As long as I posted and it was usually about T, that kept him with me. Posting what he went through with the CC, Hospice and all the funny Teddy stories. It was as if he was sitting right next to me all the time. Everything came to a head last week and I decided this was not good as maybe I never let him go. I had never cried! Even at the Memorial I had so few tears and that is how it always was. He had drilled in to me to be strong. When I made the decision to take a hiatus I didn’t cry, I blubbered for 2 days because I was not just taking a break from CC I felt I was burying him a 2nd time. I was using towels not Kleenex. I actually felt I was cutting him away from me. The feeling was horrible. It was then I realized I never really grieved. I know we all grieve differently but I can honestly say IF I had a choice I would have made it sooner than later. Don’t fight it like I did, didn’t prove a thing. I am feeling better now but I still think I will just touch base here and there until I get 2 more treatments under my belt.  After Friday’s I have Nov 1st then go to every 8 weeks.  Again, I miss you all, and I wrote this to say LET IT ALL HANG OUT! It’s OK. I sincerely hope this helps others. It is not a sign of weakness, in fact I learned you have to be pretty strong to grieve.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

Hi Lainy,

It sounds like you need to take care of yourself.  You've been so busy helping others and being strong for Teddy that you didn't "feel" your own feelings.   It seems you're doing that now and that's a god thing.  Give yourself time, be kind to yourself and work through the process of grieving.  You'll come out the other side a lot stronger and more at peace.  I will be thinking of you and sending warm thoughts to you.

Take care.

Hugs & Love,
Mary

Re: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

Hi Lainy,

Do for you what you feel is right.  Go with it and work through whatever you need to.

Sending you a massive hug.
xx

Clare

In the stars now . . . .

Re: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

Thanks everyone. Truth be told I missed you all and snuck back on BUT and its a big but, I posted about 10 times and did not mention U know who! And I survived it.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

I knew you couldn't stay away for long. Please take care of yourself, Lainy. We all want you to feel better. I know firsthand that it is better to let your feelings out than bottle them all up inside. I have never cried as hard as I do now, but I usually feel a little better after each time. Take care, my friend.

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

You know Lainy, grief is so different for everyone....my step-mom just moved on....us kids were still in shock at the sudden loss of my dad and she was getting rid of all his stuff....literally the day after his funeral. We were no where near ready for that but it was her way to deal. Then a really good friend of my husband's died from stage 4 esophageal cancer two years ago. His wife just now started moving on....his coat was still hanging on the door where he put the last time he came home from work and the grandkids were still tripping over his shoes.
We all move through it differently and maybe now you ready for this portion of it. You are stronger and better able to deal with it.
You have helped so many of us through our grief that now it your time. Take time to take care of yourself....take a break and deal with your stuff....we will still be here.

Also congrats on 5 years. That is really great!

KrisV

Any advice given is based on my experiences and should not be substituted for any medical recommendations. Please speak with your provider before making any changes.

Re: How Does One Know They are Grieving?

Thanks Kris. The funny thing is I thought I had grieved, it was when I took a little break on here that it really hit me. Very strange. I was much like your Mom. The only thing left are Pictures as I gave everything to his and mine. Also Teddy gave his precious things too toward the end. I think the hardest thing for him was to sell the golf cart. I don't mean to be funny as it really hurt him to do that. But I am doing better than last week. Thanks Kris you are always so understanding with me!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.