Topic: I will never be the same again since the loss of my beautiful mother
The one year anniversary of my mother's passing will be November 29th, which is the day after Thanksgiving. She actually passed away on a Thursday. I still have times that I can't believe she's gone.
I have some of her clothes in my closet and when I smell them I feel like she's here. I use her perfume and I have her pictures on my wall which I kiss every day. What a hard life and a tragedy it's been for me. It's been hell for me but at least I started working two months ago which has helped me a lot and I'm on anti-depressants and anti-panic medication because I would have not survived without them, honestly.
I miss her so much and she was the only one that I loved and cared about more than anyone in the world. She was the only one I trusted as she always told me the truth. She was my world and now she's my Angel in Heaven.
I didn't know she was deaf in one ear but she never shared that with me and I wonder why? I knew she had trouble hearing but never knew about it until my cousin told me. She didn't share any negative things with me even though she was very depressed, she only shared positive things in life, and wanted me to be positive about life. I always complained about life as I've always had financial issues.
She knew she was going to pass away when she told me that she was not interested in anything, which is so unlike her, and that she knew she would never get well again. I should have known that we only had a matter of days together, so that I could ask her some questions and hold her hand. She didn't like anyone to pity her.
Now I have to go to Paris in January and go through all her belongings which is going to be a nightmare for me, but at least a friend of mine will be coming with me to support me and help me out. I wish I didn't have to give up her studio as that was her "nest" for 25 years.
She was an artist so I will be shipping back all her paintings and sculptures plus some of her other belongings.
Sometime I wish I were never born. I feel like I'm healing but I'm still broken hearted and hurt so much.
Thank you for reading my pain.