Topic: Introduction, hindsight
Hello Fellow Travelers,
I discovered this site a few weeks ago. I wish I'd found it sooner, but my husband's fight against cc was sudden and totally unexpected.
John died Oct. 24 at the very young age of 58. We have two children, 12 and 15. He was diagnosed Aug. 26. In two months time we went from being completely unfamiliar with doctors and hospitals, because we've never had illness in our family, to baptism by fire.
My husband was seemingly healthy, we thought. Now I look back and wonder at what may have been warning signs. Now, as a widow, I am besieged with questions about what John and I went through -- what is this weird cancer, where did it come from, why did it seek out John, did we do all we could to fight it, etc.? I could barely say the name until I found this site.
We were both so innocent that I didn't even realize what death looked like, until it took John. And he fought the cancer to the bitter end, so in two short months I think he barely absorbed the idea he was dying.
There are so many things I could address in this message, that I hardly know where to start: the doctors, the medical facilities, the treatment, the path of the disease, the causes, my husband's good health and healthy lifestyle, hospice, what it was like for him when he died, how this feels like it was as sudden as if he'd been killed in a car wreck, etc.
So I think I'll keep it simple to start with and just say that there is a part of me, after having read some of the posts that you have left, that would like to go back and read through all his medical records to try and better understand what happened. He and I were so overwhelmed and in shock in dealing with the cancer, that it was as if we were being tossed by waves, rather than having any control at all of what was happening.
Sorry this is so vague and unfocused, but I have appreciated the posts that I've read so far and find them very informative, particularly as I try to understand -- looking back -- what just happened to my husband, to me and to our family.