Topic: Crap day

Yesterday was a crap-bad day.  I did end up having the port installed her locally instead of going back to Mayo.  That was probably a good decision because once the operative medication wore off, it hurt like heck to swallow, to turn my neck or raise my arm even a little.  I slept most of the rest of the afternoon until about 8 p.m..  When I got up to take meds and insulin shot after having a late dinner, it all just came crashing down on me and I burst into tears.  I'm sick of incisions that aren't healed. I'm sick of the procedures and doctor visits.  I'm sick of this port already.  I'm sick of the survival odds for this cancer.  I'm sick of the idea of doing chemo that isn't guaranteed to work against something that may or may not be there.   I'm sick of this cancer....period! ( Yeah...I know...aren't we all?)  Today may be a better day....still to be determined, but for yesterday, I'm glad it's over.  I don't want to feel like that again.  I'm having 3 year old grandson "therapy" today.  If he doesn't cheer me up...nothing will.

Just for today, I can get through anything.  "Never let fear decide your fate."  (from the band, Awoination.)

Re: Crap day

Julie, congratulations on being mentally normal! At least that part is over and your RX is on his way! I think sometimes it does a patient good to let it all hang out and start again kind of renewed. Here wishing for a good day today and tomorrow and etc.

                                        I asked for strength.
                     God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
                                         I asked for wisdom.   
                              God gave me problems to solve.
                                        I asked for prosperity.
                         God gave me brawn and brain to work.
                                         I asked for courage.
                           God gave me dangers to overcome.
                                         I asked for patience.
            God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
                                         I asked for love.
            God gave me troubled people to help.
                                         I asked for favors.
                               God gave me opportunities.
                               I received nothing I wanted.
                             I received everything I needed. By Aaron Hoopes

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Crap day

Julie,

Sorry you had such a bad day.  Hoping the "grandson therapy"  makes it all better.  smile  Have a good day.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Crap day

Iowagirl....we are bound to have days where everything has to come out.  Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.  Although you are having to deal with the body's reaction of a successful resection, you have indeed been fortunate in that it had been an option for you.  We must remember, that a Cancer diagnoses catapults us in one of the most stressful experiences we can go through.  It helps to stay positive and to maintain the focus on the treatment plan and to take each day at a time.

The visit with your beloved grandchild is a good distraction and a reminder that normalcy does exist.
Hang in there, dear Iowagirl.

Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Crap day

Julie -
So sorry you had a bad day. I understand how you feel and like Lainy said it just means you are normal. The grandson therapy should work wonders, I know my grandson therapy helped bunches over the last year.

Here's to today being a better day.

KrisV

Any advice given is based on my experiences and should not be substituted for any medical recommendations. Please speak with your provider before making any changes.

Re: Crap day

Grandson therapy worked its magic.  The minute he saw us through our car windows as we drove up, I didn't think about the cancer again.  Oh, I did  think about the port because of the discomfort, but strangely enough didn't associate cancer with it today while we were there.  Little Robert took his grammy Julie for a walk while he mowed the sidewalk with his play lawnmower.  I've left my pity party behind me for a while.  "A child shall lead them."  When my son saw my post, he emailed me and then today took me aside and said, "Mom, you are stronger than this is,...you are going to beat this."  Yes, he is a wonderful son. I wish I could take total credit for the man he's become, but from the time he was little, it was apparent he was intuitive and compassionate.  We just didn't happen to really mess up parenting too badly.  smile  I almost did not post last night, afraid of how it might be received, but I had to vent somewhere and I felt comfortable to do it here.  The really bazaar thing was...it wasn't the cancer...it wasn't the port fiasco and having it hurt that put me over the top, it was me sitting down to check my blood sugar, get my shot and night meds.  I just broke down sobbing very suddenly, overwhelmed by everything.  Thank you new and dear friends here on the boards.  I know I'll have another bad time on Tuesday this week, when I start chemo.  But, at least I can look at that as something I am doing proactive...and can count down and see an end...if not permanently, at least for a while.  I don't know what the future is going to bring...no crystal balls...and maybe I don't want to know if it's something bad....but if it's something good, I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise before I unwrapped the gift.  Thank you all for your support last night and today.

Just for today, I can get through anything.  "Never let fear decide your fate."  (from the band, Awoination.)

Re: Crap day

Julie,

Your attitude is amazing and will help you loads on your journey.  There will be a lot of ups & downs.  Come here to vent whenever you feel the need.  Know that we are all here to help and support you in any way that we can. 
Glad that grandson therapy is working, too.  smile

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Crap day

You've probably seen it numerous times, but:

Footprints in the Sand

        One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
             Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
                  In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
                       Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
                           other times there were one set of footprints.

                                  This bothered me because I noticed
                                that during the low periods of my life,
                             when I was suffering from
                         anguish, sorrow or defeat,
                     I could see only one set of footprints.

          So I said to the Lord,
      "You promised me Lord,
         that if I followed you,
             you would walk with me always.
                   But I have noticed that during
                          the most trying periods of my life
                                 there have only been one
                                       set of footprints in the sand.
                                           Why, when I needed you most,
                                          you have not been there for me?"

                                 The Lord replied,
                          "The times when you have
                  seen only one set of footprints,
          is when I carried you."


God never gives us burdens greater than we are able to bear.

Fighting with dignity, not desperation.

Live, Laugh, Love

Re: Crap day

Duke, I have always loved this one, thanks for posting it!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Crap day

AMEN!  I love it, too.  smile

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.