Re: anyone exerence personality changes long before diagnosis?

I am so sorry if my first post hit a nerve.  I wouldn't want my DH reading it or knowing how I feel.  So I should have guessed it would sting the other patients out there.  I am sorry but have to confess it did help reading some of the others and being reassured that I am not a monster for thinking this way.  I just miss him, that's all.

Re: anyone exerence personality changes long before diagnosis?

Jillie and other caregivers.....please vent away. You all deserve it.  Emotional release and openingly sharing is good medicine for the mind and body.  This site is for loved ones, friends, caregivers and patients alike.  It's real and if it struck a nerve after three years of chemo and radiation then you did me a favor.  Caregivers you all carry a heavy load and wear yourselves to a thread and it doesn't stop for quite some time ;especially with children involved.  I pray that my wife, well I know she is venting with some close friends and family.  That is good and I would not want anything different.  I admit It makes me feel a bit inadequate and lonley as we always talked about evrything that bothered us.  Still do to an extent but it's a whole new ball game now and I understand. No need for any one to be sorry for venting on this site as "I've done my share".  I can choose to read or not. I've still got nerves? Wow!
God Bless You All,
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: anyone exerence personality changes long before diagnosis?

Dont worry too much. Most of us patients have thick skin (it comes from all the IVs the put in. smile  We all know you need to vent. We all get angry, we all cry, we all get upset. Life isnt fair. You know, I never kicked any puppies and yet I feel sometimes like I have been smite by Fate.

We all know that it is tough on both the carers and the patients. Both sides need support. I send my lovely husband to go visit friends. 1.He needs to talk to someone about me and 2. he needs to play and not just think about my cancer. Unfortunately, his big ski week with his friend was cancelled because of my in and out of hospital tango.

And when you think about how much you miss your husband, also think that he misses his old self too. Just because he isnt emotionally the same, doesnt mean that his emotions for YOU arent the same. Distancing yourself from loved ones is a protective measure. When I think that I might be wasting the best years of my husbands life taking care of me, I get very upset. But he once said, "They are the best years of my life because I am with you." So now I dont push away so much.

Nobody thinks you are a  monster, just a woman doing her best in a bad situation. My psychologist came straight out and said it is natural (and sometimes good) to have negative thoughts and feelings. It means that it is REAL and you are in part dealing with it and YOUR feelings are as valid as the next persons. You cant be happy and strong all the time. You have every right to be angry about how you and your loved ones life has changed. We patients get angry and sad and scared and we throw these emotions onto the people closest to us. It is no wonder that the carers have to throw their emotions on others as well. Nobody is thinking less of anyone. There is no divide between patients and carers. We are all just coping (sometimes good, sometimes not so good). There is no competition on who has it worse. We all are in this together. We being the patients, carers and cholangio community. Sometimes I wonder about the strength on this board and wish I could be as strong. Then I think of what has happened and I realise I AM that strong. I think how we see ourselves is not how we are. So look at your emotions and think what you would tell a friend who felt that way. Stop feeling guilty!

We all miss our former lives. It is ok. But it is not just about missing the past, we have to appreciate our present.

Ok. Enough of my babble.

Short response Jille...Dont worry about your feelings. You are entitled to them. We all are.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: anyone exerence personality changes long before diagnosis?

To UKMember and all,
My Mom was diagnosed in April 06 and lived until 8/29/07.  She had quit smoking in 2000 after 30 years, so I always worried about her getting lung cancer.
She retired in October 2005 after working for 35 years, and got pneumonia immediately after.  It took her forever to recover from it, and I remember worrying about lung cancer.  This woman who would go on 5 hours of sleep a night and NEVER took naps would be laying in her recliner when I would go to visit because she was so tired (she lived right next door to me).  She would tell us after that she just knew she had to retire because she could not do her job anymore (because of fatigue). Looking back she knew something was not right.  In February, she began to get severe diarrhea, and tried to treat it herself.  In early March, she began to itch all over, but thought it was a new powder she was trying. She also said that she felt full all of the time, and could only eat a little bit of food at a time. 
In the middle of all of this I had a very vivid dream that my Mother had something wrong with her liver and she would not live for long so I needed to spend as much time with her as possible.  (That freaked me out)!
Two weeks later, she was outside, and my husband noticed that she was yellow.  The receptionist at the doctor's office would not give my Mother an appointment for one whole week!!!
She was officially diagnosed in April 2006, but the Dr. said that her tumors had been there for years.  She had two fist-sized tumors on her liver with some lymph node involvement.  Too far gone for a resection.  They told us to try to shrink the tumors with chemo, and they would revisit the resection option at  a later date.  She fought very hard with chemo, but I watched my vivacious Mother turn into an old woman within weeks of starting chemo.  She moved in with my family (we have six children) because the chemo made her so weak she was afraid she would fall down her stairs and really get hurt. 
At first, she was so grateful for everything I would do for her.  I was 4 months pregnant at the time of her diagnosis and taking care of my husband and 5 other children, plus her.  She would joke and call me her "Cinderella".  As time went on however, I think the reality that she was not going to be cured set in and an overall sense of sadness took over.  The last six months were very hard because I had a sister who hardly ever came around for the first year, and all of a sudden wanted to help Mom clean out her house and take her shopping all over (at this point Mom was actually dangerous in the stores because she was on many pain meds and would drive the carts around and hit people and things - my ignorant sister thought it was funny and my Mother did not know any better). Long story short my Mother started to tell my sister things about me that were just not true and my sister would just soak up all of the attention she was getting  - it was awful.  My Mother's brother said it best at her wake - he said he wished my Mother had enjoyed the benefits of having all of the grandchildren and her daughter around her taking care of her.  Instead - she was just very sad all of the time and never really smiled - only when visitors came.  I know what you say about not wanting to feel bad about talking about our loved ones, but we are the ones left living with all of the emotional baggage to deal with. I question myself all of the time now about how I took care of my Mother - even though I know that I did the best I could at the time it does not make it better now.  I only hope that time will heal how I feel. 
Sorry to get so long winded about the personality change - but I definately saw my Mother change over the 17 months she was sick. 
I can totally understand though - I wonder how I would feel if I were in her shoes.  Probably pretty frustrated too.