Topic: Good thoughts please

I am having some pains in my lower abdomen which resulted in an emergency room visit when my gp thought I had appendicitis and then off to the gynocologist because they then thought it was a problem with my ovary. the gyneocologist found nothing and wanted me to wait to see if the pain went away. It hasnt and my doctor in charge has ordered a new ct scan for the pelvic area. I just found out this area hasnt been scanned before. I am very nervous. And to make it worse, my lovely doctor is going away on vacation and a new doctor will look at my scans. I am so scared. I have been praying up a storm! So, if you can, send me some good thoughts, positive energy and prayers (if you pray).

I am in a state of shock and am quite weepy at times (half from the pain, half from the fear). We are going away for the weekend and hopefully I can relax.

Good thoughts please.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris,

I will certainly be thinking about you!  It could be so many things, try not to worry.  And I think sometimes it's actually a good thing to have a different pair of eyes looking at your scans.  Then your doc will look at them when he/she gets back to verify.  I will keep all my fingers and toes crossed that it is something simple and non-threatening and I will also send up a bunch of  prayers. Tell Hans I said to take you somewhere fun, and make you laugh this weekend!  Let us know as soon as you find out anything.

Take care,
Sue

Today is a new day. Congratulations, you are already a survivor!

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris....   Gooooooooooooooooood thoughts across the ocean and straight to you.  Take your meditation up a notch or two girl and try reducing your anxiety and fear.  You can do it Kris! Your stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Bless Ya!
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: Good thoughts please

Hi Kris:  I have crossed my eye, arms, legs and everything in-between in wishing you a good report! Stay strong and enjoy your holiday!!!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris,

Relax and take it easy.  It is always easier to have a good time away from home!  So good job on the weekend away!  I will definitely be praying for you.  Did they not do a ct in the emergency room.  That is strange. Like Sue said...... It could be sooo many things.  No sense in worrying just yet.  Wishing you the best.

Christina

Re: Good thoughts please

Hey Kris, TRY not to worry.  That's so easy to say, isn't it?  Lots of positive thoughts and prayers for you from North Carolina.  Let us know as soon as you find out.

Carol

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris,
   I am praying for you - I hope the weekend away will help. Many good trhouhts your way.

Joyce

Re: Good thoughts please

oh kris, so sorry for what you are going through.  I think we all understand the fear that you are experiencing.  I am definately going to keep you in my prayers.  I am no expert on this like I should be but wouldn't your blood work of shown elevated #'s if the cc was back?  I know when I get a ct scan I always have bloodwork the same day.  Maybe a cyst that your gyn didn't detect? I understand they are very painful.  I feel such sympathy for you b/c 'been there done that'.. have  a  glass of wine (if ok) and  get away from it all.   Wishing you  peace and good new! deb

Re: Good thoughts please

So, I'm voting that kris is just constipated, and that an enema is going to fix all this. All in favor, aye!
Love ya, kris. We're all rooting for you!

brenda

Re: Good thoughts please

Aye! I am praying for constipation!

Patty

Re: Good thoughts please

bbfranson wrote:

So, I'm voting that kris is just constipated, and that an enema is going to fix all this. All in favor, aye!
Love ya, kris. We're all rooting for you!

brenda

Dont make me laugh, it hurts. smile

I just got the letter and I will be having a ct next friday. So with the weekend, I will not have news for at least 10 days. Stress, stress, and more stress. If the pain gets much worse, I think I might head to the gp for something stronger. But now off to southern sweden I go to a little cottage in the middle of nowhere. I just picked a liter of cherries for the trip and am bringing a bucket for all the wild berries. I am even being so daring as to pack a swimsuit and possiblywear it in front of people I know. So everyone have a good weekend. And I do appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I think I need them.

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris,
Good thoughts and prayers coming your way. Enjoy your weekend as much as possible. There must be something to this berry picking. My husband likes to do it too. Even when he was really sick 2 years ago he managed to do it. Of course then he wanted a pie!! Take care and best wishes. We all have our fingers crossed that it is nothing more than constipation!!  Mary

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris,
Try to keep positive and not dwell.  Enjoy your berry picking and the wonderful feeling being in the great outdoors.  Prayers....
Karen

Wishing all God's blessings!

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris,

I might have missed a post somewhere, but I was thinking about you and wondering about the results of your scan.  Did they figure out where they pains were coming from?  Thinking good thoughts.

Sue

Today is a new day. Congratulations, you are already a survivor!

15 (edited by devoncat Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:16:03)

Re: Good thoughts please

So, it has been almost 3 weeks since my scan. My doctor is on vacation and he asked a fellow doctor to look at the scans. The radiologist said when I was scanned that it would take 7 to 10 days. We finally got throught to the secretary yesterday to ask why we hadnt heard anything from the doctor.
Well, apparently the fill-in doctor decided I need a meeting with my normal doctor to get the results. My normal doctor doesnt come back until monday so I wont have the results for most likely another week. But lets not kid ourselves, good news could have been given over the phone. Having to wait for a meeting tells me all I need to know. It is cruel. I dont have real information, but just enough to put me into depression. Do these doctors not learn about emotional needs of patients in medical school?

I am so scared, so frustrated and I feel so alone. I have tried to talk to both my parents and my husband but they are in positive mood. That might be good for them, but it makes everything more lonely. I need to talk about how I feel, what are my worries, what will this mean. I am scared. They just want to wait for the doctor to give the news. HELLO. I have been in pain for 2 months and I cant get results until the doctor comes back. What do they think this means?? My scan was so good he needs to call me in to praise me for holding my breath good for the scanner? I dont care that THEY want to wait, I am scared and lonely NOW. I want to shake them and say "STOP BEING POSITIVE AND LISTEN TO ME. I AM SCARED AND I NEED TO BE HEARD"

I am so angry at the fill in doctor and I am angry with life. I look around me and can find at least 2 dozen people who deserve cancer more than me. I want to wake up in the morning and NOT feel my body or its pains. I want to plan a life. I want to scream. I want to hit out. I want to go out and get drunk like I did when I was 21. I want to be Kris again, not some scared woman. This sucks. I have so much anger in me that out of nowhere I just angrily said "Fcuk" while sitting watching tv. Where does that come from? Where does such anger fester that it needs to randomly come out when my mind is supposedly elsewhere? How did I become that?

I think I have ranted enough.

A couple of people have emailed me and I cant email back as hotmail is not working on my computer right now. Even my computer is sick.

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: Good thoughts please

Big hugs to you, Kris.  I'd love to say to wait and try not to let your mind run down the rabbit hole, but I am 100% positive I would be having similar thoughts if I was in your shoes.  I offer you all my prayers from across the ocean, and every good thought I can muster. 

These cholangio doctors (or any doctor, for that matter), while extremely smart and amazingly dedicated, just sometimes don't get it.  They appear to completely ignore the patient's perspective, and it is cruel.  We try and talk to them about it, but they just never seem to fully grasp the anxiety and stress that comes with waiting, and how much of an impact it has on the patient's health.  And for 3 weeks!!!  Wow.  Again - big hugs.

30-something caregiver

Re: Good thoughts please

Hang in there is tough to hear but...when Teddy had his PET Scan the end of June the doctor was also on vacation and no one would tell us anything. Guess what? There was nothing surprising. So, you never know. Stay strong! As for family not wanting to face this brutality, perhaps you need to let them know it is not helping you. That you need to be able to talk about this not hide from it.
Maybe have them read some of the posts on here and to educate themselves for what you are going through. I can't let down in front of Teddy or he thinks he failed me but we talk a lot about it! Heck, it consumes our lives.  Like you are taking charge of your life right now, you need to also take charge of how you want those around you to perform. Its about you, NOT them. We care and you can tell us all the time!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Good thoughts please

Dear Kris,

I am stunned that doctors can be so heartless.  I suppose a medical degree does not make a person empathetic OR sympathetic. But it seems like it should be a requirement, a class you have to pass, or they won

Today is a new day. Congratulations, you are already a survivor!

19 (edited by Lisa Thu, 21 Aug 2008 09:26:23)

Re: Good thoughts please

We do understand where you're coming from.  My horrible ex-husband was an alcoholic and smoked three packs a day.  His goal was to live till age 50. 

I want to live till I'm old and gray and 85!  I'm only 45 years old!  Why do I have cancer and he doesn't?  I never smoked because I didn't want to get cancer smile

I drank moderately but never got drunk.

I excercised and took care of my body.

Sometimes life just aint fair.

Kris - DEMAND to see your doctor ASAP!

Re: Good thoughts please

Kris, I've been thinking and worrying about you, wondering what was taking so long.  I'm running late for a phy. therapy appt., but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for the very best news.  I'm not trying to minimize how you feel because I'm right there with you.  I just want to share that when there are delays and miscommunications at Charlie's doctors and I get all worked up and sure something's wrong, so far, they've turned out to be just human error or carelessness.  So, I have gotten a little better about not driving myself and everybody else crazy.  I don't know if that will help, but I hope you get some relief soon from the pain and worry!  Sending love and hugs.

Carol

Re: Good thoughts please

I just got some diazepam from the doctor on night duty to relax me and hopefully calm me down. I only have 4 days worth, just enough to get me a time with my regular doctor. The nurses were appalled that I hadnt received any information on the scan, only that the fill in doctor said I needed an appointment to discuss it. Heartless beast. But hopefully in a couple hours I will relax enough and the edge will be gone. It is not a solution, just a temp fix. I will be making an appointment with the psychologist asap. Luckily I just dyed my hair last night so all the cc induced grey hairs are now hidden and even if I dont feel fresh, I look it. And Peter, it is red again.

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: Good thoughts please

I know what you mean about the anger part. John is so sick and we've really had a LOT of things (bad) happen in my immediate family in the last 2 weeks I just blew up.

It suprised me that I had so much anger going on. I went on a rampage!
All the fear, anger, anguish and just all the bulls__t that was happening just poured out. Tell you what though I feel cleaned out by telling my family that I had more than enough to handle and by God they better back off and grow up.

I say TELL THEM! I don't care if they want to try and be upbeat. Tell them to read your post. You have the right to talk. You have the right to be held and soothed. You have the right to be ANY WAY YOU NEED TO BE !!!

With lots of love, hugs and prayers,
Charlene

Re: Good thoughts please

I know what you mean about the anger part. John is so sick and we've really had a LOT of things (bad) happen in my immediate family in the last 2 weeks I just blew up.

It suprised me that I had so much anger going on. I went on a rampage!
All the fear, anger, anguish and just all the bulls__t that was happening just poured out. Tell you what though I feel cleaned out by telling my family that I had more than enough to handle and by God they better back off and grow up.

I say TELL THEM! I don't care if they want to try and be upbeat. Tell them to read your post. You have the right to talk. You have the right to be held and soothed. You have the right to be ANY WAY YOU NEED TO BE !!!

With lots of love, hugs and prayers,
Charlene

Re: Good thoughts please

Hi Friends,

It was good for me to read these posts.  I have been guilt-ridden for the past six months because I have had these same feelings.  Why me?  I've been a good person.  I don't lie, cheat on my taxes or steal.  I worked hard to teach my students instead of just collecting a paycheck.  I raised my daughter by myself and put her through university by myself.   I've been generous to family members because I love them.  I don't drink or smoke.  I have been planning for my retirement so hard and everything is just screwed up.  I see these people who do everything wrong and have no work ethic or morals, but I have cancer, and they don't.  I have felt like such a wicked person for having these feelings, and I have felt like God looks into my heart and sees this envy and jealousy of healthy people, and he is so disappointed in me. 

Sophie

Re: Good thoughts please

Charlene:  You go girl!! I am so proud of you! IF you are that good we could make you our teller-offer!!! AH, it feels so good.

Sophie: Don't you ever say God is disappointed in you!  He is guiding you to help get us on the Oprah show!! And if not her, maybe Montel, but only when Sylvia Browne is on!!!  If God was disappointed in you he would have never given you this burden to bare.  He has a reason even though we do not know it yet.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.