501 Reply by Darla (edited by Darla Wed, 30 Dec 2009 13:40:31)

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi Everyone,

I too am relieved that it is all over for another year.  I had my good times & bad, which seems to be the norm for all of us here right now.  The holidays and special times do seem to make it all more real and I begin to feel more lost & lonely.  I agree, Pauline, this year did seem even worse than last. The reality of it all seems to be hitting harder.   Hopefully as we get back into a normal routine (whatever that is) things will improve some.  I also am going to make an effort in the new year to keep in touch with people and to get out & do more.

Take care everone.  I am hoping for the best for all of us in the new year.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi everyone,
                 Just to let you know I am thinking of you all. I am planning an early night tonight in the hope I can sleep through the new year bit!
                 Wishing you all some better days in 2010.
                           With love,
                              Pauline

  • UKSue
  • Senior Member
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  • Registered: Thu, 27 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 121

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi All, Just to wish everyone a better year than last year.  I am sure things will slowly get better for us. Just kep living one day at a time.
Love Sue x

  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hello everyone
                       I did survive the xmas and new year.I am now in very strange territory,Joels last weeks-he died on the 16th.I now remember each day last year,what happened,what we did etc.Joel was at home almost all of the time but went to a hospice for the last couple of days.I couldnt keep up with how quickly he was going downhill.
  I remember I threw up in the front yard as he was being put in the ambulance.it was so stressful,it is making me cry as I remember and so hard for the boys,Al sobbing on his bed and the ambulance officers in tears.
   My family all rushed down from Sydney and that made the boys feel better,we were supported.But when I think back ,well when I think back it still feels a little raw,all of it.
   I have survived though                      Janet

  • From: Endicott, New York
  • Registered: Sun, 01 Jun 2008
  • Posts: 457

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

We know, Janet - this is so difficult for you now. It is so raw when that anniversary approaches. Once it was over, it did get better, though - not so many flashbacks, etc.  Just hang in there, and go day by day. We are all thinking of you.

Love - Joyce

jclegg's Website

  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Yes Janet, it is very hard and I feel so sorry for you going through the memories of all those awful days again. All I can say is that I am thinking of you and understand your pain. Perhaps you will feel a certain relief after 16th when you know Joel's suffering ended.
                      You have been amazing all year and still are! I hope you will get lots of support at this time. Ask for help if people aren't forthcoming! I think I should have done, although I know it's not easy.
                       Keep in touch! You are a great survivor!
                           Love
                             Pauline

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Dear Janet,

I too am thinking of you and know how you are feeling.  None of this is easy, but you have made it this far and I know you are strong enough to get through this too.  We are all here for you as you have been for all of us.

Yes, you are a survivor.

Take care and keep in touch.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi all of you,
                 I havent really connected for a while and that is because I have gone through a sticky patch,this 1 year anniversary thing tied up with the xmas thing!I have survived it in my own way,things are always tricky here with the boys and their issues(all the mental health stuff etc)Sadly,it has an impact if I am too self indulgent.I need to be a superwoman which I am most of the time!
Luckily I live near the beach                           Janet

  Hope you are all doing well

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Janet,

Great attitude!  It sure is complicated, isn't it?  I think you are a superwomen and you do deserve to be self indulgent at times to keep your sanity.  You are lucky to be near the beach.  Go often and relax & be comforted by it.  Take care Janet.  Thinking of you.

More Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Dear Janet,
               I am thinking of you on Joel's anniversary. This has been such a difficult time for you and it must be made even harder by the fact that it is around the Christmas and New Year time, which is hard enough anyway!
             You are incredibly strong but you have the right to let go a bit sometimes. Go easy on your self and stop worrying about everyone else for a few days!
             Take care!
                  Love
                    Pauline

  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi everybody
                    I hope you are all doing ok.I am back on track after a rather unsettling time.Roland has shingles,from all the recent stress they think.I feel guilty as always,but I diagnosed it and got him organized with treatment quick smart and so on.
   My sister has been down to stay for a couple of days and that has been great for us all.So good for the boys,they love my sister and have been worried about her.                                                            Janet

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi Janet,

Good to hear that you are doing better.   It sure is a rough up & down ride, isn't it? And now Roland is dealing with shingles!  It is always something.  Lucky you were able to catch it quickly and get him started on treatment.  I'm glad your sister has been down for a visit.  I am sure it was good for all of you.  How is she doing? 

Take care Janet.

love & Hugs,

Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Dear Janet,
                 I am very pleased to hear that you are feeling a bit stronger. It certainly is a continuous process of sinking and swimming, isn't it? Someone said to me that it must be exhausting and I think it is, don't you?
                  How are you Darla? Do you still feel a bit better to have got over the Cristmas/ new year period? I am ok but got a bit ill after new year and had 4 days in bed. Not as bad as last year. I think it's a reaction to the holiday period.
                   How are you all? Are you ok Joyce and how are you Sue? Have you started your new job? How is it going? I am still working all the time!
                     Anyway, take care, everyone!
                              Love
                                  Pauline

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi Pauline,

Sorry to hear you were ill and glad you are now feeling a bit better.  Interesting that I haven't really been ill since Jim passed away.  Not sure why that would be.  I do seem to be exhausted most of the time and have the allergy things going on, but nothing more serious.  I am doing OK, not great, but OK.  As you said, now that the holidays are over there is a sense of relief.  I do have to face another anniversary the end of the month.  My second without Jim. Don't know if those days ever will get easier.  I still have the shop open 5 days a week from 10-4, but do close from time to time.  It does help to keep myself focused and busy.  Hope your weather has improved.  It hasn't been too bad here.

So, Hi to everyone and I hope you are all doing well.  Everyone take care & keep in touch. 

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

I am sorry you have been ill,Pauline,that shocking weather cant have helped.I am like Darla,I havent been ill either and thats strange because the boys have had a few colds and throats and things.I have been really tired and low in mood and the poor sleeps!
  I think the xmas /new year period was apalling in its effect,I felt I went backwards and I feel much better this week,we have the tourist influx to contend with too.
I wish everyone really good wishes.I really do and I hope we all continue to creep slowly onwards                            Janet

  • From: Endicott, New York
  • Registered: Sun, 01 Jun 2008
  • Posts: 457

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hello Everyone,
   Sorry to hear about the illness - Pauline, hope you are feeling better now, and Janet - shingles are nasty things - I had them once and I know.  I do agree that , having gotten through the holiday period, we will all improve. Sue - let us hear how that new job is going - hope you are enjoying it? Darla - those anniversaries are very difficult. I have been very busy at work myself, and need to hit the shower now - another day is beginning! It is best to be busy, though - I agree - and I do have my projects going - I am embroidering a picture for my daughter now, and reading a couple of books. I still am in the bell choir at church - I like that very much, so - these things keep my going.I can't wait for spring and the gardening thing to start!

Love - Joyce

jclegg's Website

  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

I think the positive anniversaries like -wedding,birthdays etc are sad but good,so much better than the other kind because we have our lovely memories.                               Janet
      of course they are still tricky.....

  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Dear all,
              Thank you for your kind messages. I do feel better now and it is a relief to feel healthier. I don't think I've done too badly health wise since Anthony died as I've only been ill once a year at that awful holiday season and I'm sure the whole stress of the build up to Christmas and New Year is a factor in it.
               Looking back, I was very depressed throughout December and these really low periods seem to come in waves. Something lifts and then I get busy again until I start to sink once more. I guess that's faily normal in grief, isn't it? Winter makes things worse as well. Spring may bring some relief!
               Darla, I hope you will do something for your anniversary and that you will remember the good times. You sound a bit down at the moment and I do hope you are ok! You have a good point, Janet. At these times we should try not to focus on the sadness because they are anniversaries of beautiful, happy times.
               Joyce, you are so good with all your projects and always seem to be positive. How do you manage it? I wonder how you are doing, Sue? I suppose you are busy with the new business. Let us know how you are! Keep positive Janet and enjoy the good weather and the holiday season! You can't imagine how grey London is at the moment!         
             Take care everyone!
                       With love
                           Pauline

  • UKSue
  • Senior Member
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  • Registered: Thu, 27 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 121

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi All,
Hope you are all keeping well. Glad that you are feeling a little better, Pauline.
I have just got back from a 5 day coach toor to Germany. I went with my friend who runs a B&B in the lake district, we had a good time, but with so much travelling it was hardly a relaxing holiday! I have not started my new job yet, it has been quite a stressful time, as we have had so much to sort out.
It does seem a long time since Ray was here, sometimes I can hardly remember what it was like to have him there all the time; most of the times I cope pretty well, but it is all still strange - I wonder when being on our own will seem the norm?
Anyway, still coping well, but I am really scared about my skiing trip now - I think I may have been a bit adventurous even for me!!
Darla, my second anniversary without Ray was difficult too, I stayed with Sam and we had a nice meal, as always it is best to keep busy.
Janet, you have had a rough few week, but I know it wont get you down, you have an amazing ability to keep upbeat!
Joyce, I wish i could sing! I am tone deaf!!!
Anyway love to you all.
Sue xx

  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Dear all,
            How is everyone? I hope you are all ok. It's good to hear from you, Sue. When is your skiing trip? I hope you will really enjoy it! Be careful though!
            Time seems to move on so quickly doesn't it? I don't know when we get used to being on our own but it is so lonely, isn't it? I don't think I will get used to it ever! Sometimes I think I will just go mad from spending too much time without Anthony! Part of me still expects him to be here when I get back home from work on a Friday, for example. I just can't get my mind around the fact that this is for ever! I still sit in coffee bars and watch people and wonder why guys of a similar age, who look a bit similar to Anthony, are still fine while he is dead. It doesn't make any sense at all.
             So, anyway, I work and work and keep busy! I am off to Italy for half term next Friday for a week. I haven't been to the house since October and so I will be glad to be there and to soak up all those memories of our lovely life over there once again.
              When are some of you going to come over and join me there? You know you are all welcome any time!
              Take care everyone and do keep in touch!
                     With love
                         Pauline xx

  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Pauline,it would be so lovely to join up with you there.Easier to think of than do in my case(but thinking on it!)
  I have found time to have gone by so oddly that I feel I am in a parallell universe.Sometimes quick,sometimes slow and I have no idea what I was doing this time last year.Its hard for me because we are so much a family unit still,affected by what is happening to all that I find it so exhausting.
  But,enjoy your break,Pauline and we will join you eventually         Janet x

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi Everyone,

I hope things are going well for all of you and that you are managing to keep busy.

Janet, I agree, it still all seems so surreal.  Time moves oddly now.  Sometimes I can not believe how long it has been.  It seems like just yesterday that Jim was here and like you Pauline, I often expect him to be here and then realize that is not the case.  It really is hard to accept that this is forever and that they will never be here with us again.  I don't know if we can ever get used to being alone.  It really doesn't make any sense and just is not fair.  It is hard seeing happy couples our age or older and wondering why that couldn't be us.

Italy sounds wonderful Pauline,  I hope you enjoy your time there and find some comfort in those happy memories.  Hopefully some day we can join you there.  It would be great to all be able to meet and spend time together.  I think we all think about that.

Sue, have fun on your ski trip, but be careful.  You don't need to be breaking anything!  smile

Joyce, I too am looking forward to spring.  I've had enough of all this cold & snow!

Everyone take care and do keep in touch.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

523 Reply by pauline (edited by pauline Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:56:34)

  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Dear everyone,
                     I hope you are all ok. I am now back from Italy and have had a busy week getting back into work again. Italy was beautifully sad as usual and I thought of how wonderful things would have been if Anthony were still here. My neighbours were lovely and came to see me a lot. I arrived in a snow blizzard and got stuck on the road up to our house. My neighbours came and rescued me, which was so typically lovely of them.
                    Today has been a good day because I met Julia (lalupes) and we had a really good chat. It was so lovely to meet her and I hope we will meet again. What a pity it is that more of us can't get together sometimes. It is really good to speak to people with this common experience!
                    Please keep in touch everyone and let me know how you are.
                    Thinking of you all as usual.
                           Take care!
                             Love,
                                Pauline

  • From: NSW,Australia
  • Registered: Sat, 14 Feb 2009
  • Posts: 562

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Pauline,that was great to meet up with Julia,the benefit of living on a small crowded island!It would be lovely to meet up with a few of us,something to think about.My son,Russell is keen to travel to Europe later this year,he is saving up!
   I would like to travel, I cant leave my other son yet but things continue to improve so who knows,maybe it is doable.
  Those Italian neighbours sound like good sorts,you are lucky there.Good luck getting back to work                              Janet

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,996

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Pauline,

It appears you are experiencing Wisconsin weather!  smile  Glad you had good neighbors to help out.  Also good to hear that you and Julia were able to meet and have a nice chat.  Yes, it would be great if more of us could do that and as Janet said, maybe some time in the future it will be doable. 

Getting back to work is always a challenge, but then again it is keeping busy that keeps us going. 

I'm off to shopping and dinner with a friend who lost her husband 3 months after Jim passed on.  Their situation was much like ours.  Together forever, love of her life, soul mate and now left to go it alone, so once we discovered our common loss, we try to get together now and again and also email a lot.  Sundays are always a challenge for both of us as we always spent them going places and doing things with our husbands, so when we can spend a day like this it is comforting to us both.  We are only about an hour away, but with the weather and road conditions, it is harder in the winter months.   Hopefully we will be able to get together and do more this spring & summer.

I hope everyone is doing OK.  Everyone take care and keep in touch.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"