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I just want you all to know that John has this morning decided to go into Hospice.
He just can't take the pain anymore.
This has brought great Peace to my heart even though I know I am losing my husband.
Pray it comes quickly for him with no pain and no fear.
I love you all very much.
Charlene
Dearest Charlene, I had a feeling this would take its natural course and the decision would be made for all of you. My most heartfelt prayers are going out to you and also praying for a peaceful end. Sometimes I don't know if I am happy we are not near that point or if I am sad knowing what we are going to have to face down the road. But I do fully understand when you say it has brought you Peace.
Charlene,
My heart aches for you because I am going through the same thing. Chucks is sooo skinny it breaks my heart. Only unlike you I am not as strong. I am finding myself breaking down everywhere except work. My stomach is so sick from stress I can't see straight. Looking at him makes me cry. He is not what I once knew. I feel as though I am losing my whole future. This man is my future husband, father of my children, best friend, and I am losing that and don't know how to be strong anymore. I know I am making it hard for him because I am so distraught but my whole world is crashing and I feel soo alone. He is in so much pain and there is nothing I can do. He wants to fight but I fear the fight is gone. This has come so quickly. I feel selfish for making him fight for me. The oncologist still has not given up on him but he has missed three weeks of chemo due to hospitalization for pain. He wants to not feel at all. Charlene, you are a brave strong woman. I wish I could be the same.
Christina
Charlene,
Prayers for John and you. I know this has been a very hard choice and like Lainy, fear when we will have to make that same choice. Wishes of strength and courage go along with the prayers. Bless you.
Karen
Oh, but Chrissey, you are just as strong as the rest of us. You have stood by Chucks all this time, you are still there and you would take the pain for him if you could. That is strong! You are just worn down from the huge emotional upheaval and that is to be expected. We all react in different ways during times of great stress but you are already strong for all you have endured up to now!
Most heartfelt prayers go out to you and Chucks!!
Charlene... A big cyber hug for you. Now John can get relief and you as well.
God Bless You Both.
Jeff
Charlene,
I know exactly how you feel. Butch has never recovered from his surgery, and - when we went to Pittsburgh for the follow-up, the CT scan shows the cancer has returned - stronger and angrier than before. The mets are bad and there are 3 new tumors on the remaining liver. He is too weakened to withstand chemo, so today the doctor called hospice - they will talk with us tomorrow. I, too feel great relief with this decision - he went through so much over the last months, and I don't want him to suffer any more. So - I am at peace with the decision.
Joyce C
Charlene & Chrissy,
My heart goes out to both of you. My husband Jim passed away 9/2/08 after only 7 weeks. We only knew what we were fighting the last week before he passed away. Watching him grow thinner & weaker every day & the horrible fast progression of this terrbile cancer was heartbreaking & stressful, but like me, I know you two can be strong. I only lost him 2 weeks ago & the loss is still so new to me. I have good times & bad times, but I know that he is no longer in pain & is at peace. That is the only thing that is getting me through these lonely days & nights. Our fight was short & painful for both of us, but atleast he did not have to suffer for long. For many on this site the road was & still is a lot longer & sometimes I wish we had more time to adjust to all of this, but for his sake I am glad he did not have to continue to go through all that pain & suffering. I am so grateful to have found this site & all of the wonderful people here. We will all be here to support you. God Bless You. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
Darla
Dear Charlene,
I am glad John has decided to go into hospice care - maybe they can make him more comfortable and ease his pain somewhat. I hope and pray for a peaceful passing. Please take care of yourself! I know you must be a wreck right now, and you have every right to be. We're here for whatever support you need.
-JOYCE M
Dear Chrissy,
Yes, you ARE strong! Don't you think your husband knows how you are and how much you love him? As Lainy said, everyone reacts differently and it's part of you and what your husband loves about you - and the most important thing is that you're there by his side. I feel guilt that I never broke down in front of my mother, always trying to be upbeat and clinical so I wouldn't depress her, but she told a close friend that I was "stoic and unemotional" because she had no idea that I cried my eyes out as soon as she couldn't see me. So it can be a good thing to break down, too!
As I said to Charlene, let us take on some of your burden and comfort you - you're going through so much, and it's only human to be a wreck at this time. All the best to you and Chucks.
Dear Joyce C,
So sorry to hear that things have gone downhill for your husband, also. The sorrow must be overwhelming. I echo everything I said above - you are strong, and such a good soul, and feel free to lean on all of us when you need to.
-Joyce M
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