Topic: Moved Grandma to Residental Hospice...feeling guilty.
This morning we had to move my dear grandmother into Res Hospice. I feel so guilty.
We just really had reached the end of the road with the at home care. I had been taking time off of work, my aunt and I juggled the schedule with a dear friend that helped with overnights.
This past weekend she started sleeping more and then would wake up around 3am. She'd start to test her blood ( diabetic) even though she really doesn't have to anymore. One night, after doing that she started paging through the phone book looking for friends to call and talk to. At 3 AM. ( She wasn't very with it) Twice she had us tearing the house apart looking for a folder she needed. Only to realize at last that this was a folder her and I had found and gone through 2 weeks ago. She had forgotten. Mostly she doesn't know where she is or what time of day it is.
The main issue that came up was the influx of medication and her getting up at night without telling anyone. She used to try to use a walker but recently had started refusing. This means no sleep for the night over person because you keep waiting to "catch" her up and about.
I talked to her and told her she was being moved. She opened her eyes and said that was fine.
If she's fine with it...why am I not? These people taking care of her are amazing. I guess maybe its because I know that now I have to slow down and soak in what's going on. My Grandma really is dying.
Ugh. This sucks. ( sorry if I offended anyone) Christmas really isn't that fun of an idea either this year...
Thanks for letting me vent.