• From: Minnesota
  • Registered: Fri, 17 Oct 2008
  • Posts: 38

Topic: venting about frusteration....

Hi everyone

My Grandmother and I were very close. She passed on Thursday. Its an odd feeling. Its still not real to me.

What is real is how many family issues have surfaced. A big part of me wants to give the family a huge lecture about support, love and continuing on. If life were a movie, I would do this and then they would all understand and start working together. The camera would pull back to reveal us hugging and laughing and then we'd fade to black....

But this isn't a movie these are real people and my "lecture" would help nothing and I usually get to nervous to get out what I want to. Between the loss of the "head" of our family and this being the holiday season everyone is rubbed raw. Some are mad at others because they don't think other people were "there" when they should have been during the illness. Others feel like they were taken advantage of. Some others feel they were left out.

My question is this. Will it get better with time or is this a permanent issue? The other odd thing is that some in my family have openly told me that they "assume" I'll take my grandmother's place family wise. To be the one in charge and organize everything.  I don't mind the idea sometimes but aren't I a little young? I don't know if I have the experiance to do it right.  Shouldn't there be someone in my Mom's generation to do this? None of the 3 are interested but I keep hoping...

Thanks for letting me vent. I miss her so much. Jeez do I ever miss her.

Tonia

  • From: New Bern, North Carolina
  • Registered: Tue, 30 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 682

Re: venting about frusteration....

Tonia,

First of all let me say how sorry I am for your loss.  Your Grandmother left a wonderful legacy in you.  I have been so touched by your posts about her and impressed by your kindness, compassion and help for her.

Every family and every person will have issues when it comes to dying.  It's hard for lots of people to deal with and most don't like to think about it - much less discuss it.  I'm guessing your family members are feeling lots of different things.  Maybe some are thinking they should have done more and are feeling guilty.  Maybe it's a little to close to home for some to deal with.

It will get better.  Emotions are raw and this is a very stressful time of the year at best.  Keep your focus on the good memories and know that you did everything you could for your grandmother.

As I said before your grandmother has left a wonderful legacy in you.  That said, you are NOT her replacement.  If there are things you want to do for the family do them if not don't.  Right now just treasure the memories and mourn your loss.  You may only be 28 in years but you as much older when it comes to compassion, empathy and love.

Much love to you.  You are an amazing woman!

Hugs,

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.
  • Registered: Fri, 12 May 2006
  • Posts: 8,163

Re: venting about frusteration....

Dear Tonia

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER
  • From: Minnesota
  • Registered: Fri, 17 Oct 2008
  • Posts: 38

Re: venting about frusteration....

Thank you guys so much. Your kindness helps me relax a little and refocus me. I can't fix everything and you're right, I'm sure feelings of guilt are really coming into play right now. I still love my family very much but sometimes....grrrr... ;-)

Thanks again. God Bless

Tonia

  • Registered: Sat, 11 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 139

Re: venting about frusteration....

Tonia,
I know how you're feeling. Thank God my John gave everything he wanted others to have Before he got really sick.
I could NOT have dealt with all the vultures at his death.

When my Mom passed we had a few come out of the closet. I am sorry for your loss and I just want you to be stong and Not let people put everything on you.

Good luck to you and God Bless You,
Charlene