Topic: newly bereaved

My husband died afew weeks ago within 3 months of receiving the diagnosis of cholangiocarcinoma.He had no symptoms at the time of diagnosis-he was an extremely fit bloke and this was the first illness he had had in the 30 years I had known him .He was 59.

Re: newly bereaved

Magic,

I am so sorry for your loss and truely understand & sympathize with the grieving that you are now experiencing. My husband passed away at the age of 62 a little more than 5 months ago. He too had never been ill in the 45 years we were together. Our situation was very similar to yours. His first symptoms were only about 2 months before he passed on. He wasn't definitively diagnosised with CC until 1 week before he passed away. 

I am glad you have found this site, but sorry for the reason you have had to seek it out. I found this site a few days after my husband passed away & am truely grateful for all of the wonderful people here. They are all so loving & supportive.  You will find that everyone here understands what you are going through & are more than willing to give you help & a kind word when you most need it. Come back often, even just to vent your feelings.

Remember that your husband is no longer in pain or suffering from this terrible disease.  He is now at peace and will live on in your heart and memories forever.  Take care of yourself now. He would want you to be strong & go on. I know how hard that is to do right now, as I too am still grieving my loss & having a hard time adjusting to life alone.  I think we all hoped for more.  Know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: newly bereaved

Magic,
   I, too, am so sorry for you loss. Through your grief, which must at times seem unbearable, try to reach back and remember the good times, when you and your husband were together, and shared happy times. It has been a little more than 4 months since I lost my husband - he was 66 years old, and that is what I try to do. When those pictures rise up in my mind - of the final, sad days - I try to block them with memories of all the happy times we had together. We had so many, and I tell myself that great happiness brings great pain with the loss, yet - I wouldn't trade one minute of those good years now - it was worth it all .
   We are all here for you - to listen, and understand. The people on this board - care givers, and patients - are the most wonderful people you will ever meet, and they all know how you feel.  We who have lost our husbands  need to remember that they would have wanted us to be stong and to go on with our lives.  God bless you, and comfort you.

Joyce C.

Re: newly bereaved

majic...I would like to follow Darla and Joyce in welcoming you to our site where everyone can relate, understand,  inform, and understand each other as each one of us has been touched by Cholangiocarcinoma/bile duct cancer.  You have come to the right place. 
My heart goes out to you,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: newly bereaved

Thankyou to people for those compassionate responses.I have felt very isolated and alone   Magic

6 (edited by Cherbourg Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:19:47)

Re: newly bereaved

Magic,

There is a wonderful community of support for you here.  Unfortunately far too many have already walked in your shoes.   My heart goes out to you in the loss of your wonderful husband.

Just know we are all only a keystroke away.  I would also recommend reading the posts of Dr. Giles. 

You will find him under the patient support tab at the top of the page. (underneath where you log into the discussion boards.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs to you,

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: newly bereaved

Magic,

I know how isolated & alone you are feeling. All of us who have recently lost a loved one are feeling the same.  Just remember that you are not alone. We are all here to help & support each other.   I have gotten so much comfort & strength from the wonderful, compassionate people on this site. We are all traveling this road of the grieving process together and are here for you when you need us.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: newly bereaved

Dear Magic,
                I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I also lost my darling husband, Anthony, to this awful disease just 6 months ago. I, like Darla, Joyce and others, understand the pain and shock you are feeling. All I can say is that it has helped me a lot to come onto this site and express my feelings to others who understand because they have been through the same terrible loss.
                    My husband was diagnosed a little over a year before he died but it was such a shock when he went because one minute he was doing really well and we were very positive and hopeful and the next it went very aggressive very suddenly and he died before we realised what was happening. They just told me he was dying a few hours before he breathed his last breath and it all still haunts me. Like Joyce I now try to think of the beautiful times rather than these traumatic days and hours. It is very hard but we support each other and I can honestly say it has been a life line for me. Very few other people seem to understand how we feel and seem to expect us to be normal. I put on a good act but inside it's very different. I feel very alone with my thoughts.
                 So here we do understand and we will be here for you whenever you need support. Let us know how you are. 
                  Take care
                        Pauline

Re: newly bereaved

Magic,

My husband was diagnosed on December 26, 2008 and passed away January 29, 2009.  My heart is breaking, I miss him so much.  It takes all of my will power to get out of bed and get dressed. 

I don't understand why he was taken from me.  We had a wonderful marriage and had so many plans.

How can I find comfort?

Charlotte

Re: newly bereaved

Charlotte,

So many of us lately are in pretty much the same situation as you. As Pauline said, it helps us a lot to come onto this site and express our feelings to others who understand because we are all dealing with the same terrible loss.  This whole grieving process is something none of us expected to be dealing with. Comfort comes from knowing we are not alone and leaning on each other for strength & support.

I like you, wonder why this had to happen to us. We also had a wonderful marriage and so many more things we wanted to share & do together. Life is just so unpredictable & so unfair.  I would just like to stay in bed forever, but I force myself to get up & get on with things, as I know that Jim would not want me to give up. He is always on my mind and tears are never far from the surface, but I do try to keep going.  I keep telling myself that he will be in my heart forever along with all the wonderful memories of our time together. That can never replace having him here with me, but it is all I have left to keep me going.

Keep in touch Charlotte and you also, Magic. We are all here for you if you need us.

Much love & hugs for both of you.

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: newly bereaved

Dear Magic,  I know exactly how you are feeling. I let my wonderful  husband of 15 years at the age of 38 leave my care and into the care of Jesus just two weeks ago.  The support you will find on this site is truly comforting and much, much needed.  You must know that Jesus is there feeling every bit the awful pain and loss you are expierencing. When there is a day that you simply cannot do it...and I have lots...I scream, scream that I cant do this by myself and I need my Saviors help. Hold on the promise that one day you see him again. My very best friend told me something that will live with me for the rest of my life....as Lee was taking his last few breathes, I held him tight and told him....go baby, go...go baby....its gonna be okay....Stacey said....Heather, Lee is up there telling you that very same thing...go baby go! you can do it! go baby I love you.  It will all be ok.  Like you and many others recently experiencing loss, we know that sometimes words, deeds, nothing seems to help...but I will say that the love and support from people who are living with this pain do know and we are here for you.

Love,
Heather

12 (edited by ljg Tue, 17 Feb 2009 22:22:05)

Re: newly bereaved

Magic (& Charlotte and others)-

I am so sorry and troubled by your loss.  It is a lonely time for you.  Keep reaching out to those of us who understand.  My best friend is gone, my Mother.  She was merely 61 years old and was only 60 when disgnosed, and gone 41 days later. 

You are not alone, please know this, and make steps to find support locally, in therapy, through friends, and get lots of hugs.  Do whatever it takes to move through this. 

I speak from the vantage point of a daughter.  My Mother lost my father 1 year earlier (he too died early at 61) and it knocked her down hard, which I know speed the cancer to her quickly.  The stress of loss and the trauma that occurs is so hard on those of us left behind.  A part of her died with him and she made me promised not to let loosing her destroy me.  You too have to promise your husband and yourself something similar. 

I know it stings to hear this, but you have to go on living... without him.  You have to live more fully and trust life again despite the shock and confusion.  I only wish I could have made my own Mother understand this.  She was trapped in her grief, and it hurt her more.  Please do not make that same mistake. 

(((Hugs)) to you.  Take care of yourself.  And remember... YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  -ljg

Re: newly bereaved

Dear Charlotte and others    -my husband was59 and exremely fit.The speed at which he de teriorated was quite horifying.It was like a fast forward button had been pressed.I had thought I could care for him at home but I couldnt keep up with the rapid rate of change.H e wound up in hospital for the last 3 days.It was a terrible moment when he left the house on a stretcher as I knew he would not return      M agic

Re: newly bereaved

Dear Majic,

   I know what you mean about the speed at which our husbands went "downhill" at the end. It was awful - for us, I mean. I think - for them - it spared them a long drawn out illness where they might have suffered more. I felt that , if he couldn't be cured, I wanted him to not suffer, and God took him home so he wouldn't have to suffer. At least in the case of my husband - Butch - the medication kept him out of a lot of pain, and I will alwasy be grateful for that.  At least, this is how I try to look at it. Like Darla always says, we wanted more than we got, but at least we did have happiness in our marriages that some people never get to have. I hope you can fing some comfort in these things.

And Charlotte, Heather, and everybody else that has lost a loved one - I am so sorry for your loss, we frieve with you. I am so glad that we have this place where we can all share our sorrow.

Love - Joyce

Re: newly bereaved

Dear Magic and Charlotte,

(and everyone else out there suffering the pain of this horrible loss)

It is horrifying when a loved one deteriorates & things change so swiftly. My husband also went like that & it just blindsides you. You don't have time to think or adjust to what is going on as it just keeps on changing & getting worse. There is no time to think, make decisions or prepare for what is happening & then before you even know what hit you it is over.  I just felt so helpless & out of control and still do.  The only thing I am grateful for is that Jim did not have to suffer for very long.  Those of us left behind are now the ones grieving & suffering from our loss.  All we can do now is try to go on & build a life for ourselves alone. It is so very hard, but I know we can all do it. We are survivors & with the strength, help & comfort of everyone on this site I know we can do it.

Everyone take care, you are all in my thoughts & prayers.

Hugs & Love,

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: newly bereaved

To Pauline thanks for your message-your experience was terrible,you must have re-lived it continuously.It is devastating to lose aloved one but even a short time of  knowing and being prepared helps(or maybe not ;who knows)Anyway I think the stress of it all is quite crushing     Janet