Topic: not managing well

It is 5 weeks since my husband died and I am feeling worse than ever.I have 3 sons the youngest still at high school and I am overwhelmed with everything-cars,maintenance,garden.My husband did so much and it is hard to do what 2 people shared.My eldest son has a mood disorder and this is also hard to deal with alone.I feel quite despairing really

Re: not managing well

Dear Magic, my thoughts and prayers are with you. 59 is so young, and after 30 years of knowing & loving someone & sharing so many parts of the day together, I simply can't imagine.  I'm sending many positive thoughts & hugs your way, for strength and energy.....

-Tess

Re: not managing well

I'm sorry Magic that you are having such a tough time. I know I would be in the same shape as you if I am ever in your shoes. When my husband originally became so ill that we thought he would be gone quickly I really felt that I could carry on and be able to manage financially etc if he were gone. He is still doing well after almost 3 years and now I am petrified about what I would do if he were gone.I guess reality has set in and I know I would have a terrible time with EVERYTHING!! WE have a farm and an old house and a small greenhouse and produce business and a son with mental and financial issues and another that wanders the world continuosly and I really can't imagine dealing with all of it alone either. I just keep praying I won't have to for a long time and I really hope things work out for you. Do you have anyone you can turn to for some help with things? I always envy people that have children close that are willing and able to help. Everyone is so busy that it's hard to ask sometimes. I would get some medication if you you can, at least temporarily. A lot of people on here do and it really seems to help them cope. Take care and feel free to vent here. Everyone understands what you are going through and feeling!  Mary

Re: not managing well

Dear Majic,
   I understand how you feel. My husband passed away 4 1/2 montrhs ago, and , although it is getting better, the pain is still quite fresh and hard to bear. It does seem overwhelming, especially in the beginning. Now we have all the things we were always responsible for, and all the things our husbands took care of for us in the past.  We have to cope with out children's grief (andm in my case  Grandchildren), as well as our own. My thoughts are with you as you navigate these dark waters. Any time you feel the need to vent, just come on here and say whatever you want - it does help. Someone told me - just put one foot in front of the other, and keep moving through the pain. Eventually, the burdon does lighten.

Joyce C.

Re: not managing well

Dear Magic,

It is still very early for you in this process of grieving. I have been told that it takes time & is different for everyone. It is something that we did not expect to have to experience and have no way of knowing how to deal with. I do understand what you are feeling.  April 2 it will be 6 months since my husband passed on. It went quickly & we had no time to prepare. I too am overwhelmed by the grief and also by realizing that now I have to go on alone dealing with everything that we once shared without his help & support. I agree with what Joyce said. I have just been putting one foot in front of the other and dealing with things as they come along, one day at a time. It isn't easy & I still feel overwhelmed & don't know how I am going to get through all of this, but I have managed so far, so I will keep trying. This whole process of grieving is so exhausting & feels so hopeless at times, but we all just have to try to be strong & do the best that we can. You need to think of yourself & take care of yourself now so that you can stay strong enough to deal with what is to come. My thoughts will be with you as we all travel this journey of grief that no one wants to have to bear.  Come back here often for help, support or just to vent your feelings. We are all in this together. None of us is alone.

Take Care,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: not managing well

Magic-

Oh my, I feel for you so much right now.  I have lost my Mom and the ache can be deep and worrisome.  I found myself in an anxiety-mode just recently. 

I want you to know that your Husband and my Mother want us to go on, to live fully and to change the way we see the world for the better.  Just the fact that you are reaching out to us here is a magical thing, really.  I can feel your pain right through the screen and you need to know how courageous I believe that you are. 

Life, let's face it, can be really tough when we see it from the vantage point of expecting everything to be the same.  When you realize that people are going through this kind of stuff all over and that we are so lucky to be alive and vertical, it somehow changes and reorganizes your perspective.  Maybe not instantly, but over time. 

It's not my favorite way of thinking, and far be it for me to kick anyone's ass but my own, but we are ALIVE and lucky to be, and you will start to feel this soon, after the shock wears off.  Our problems become challenges, and as we hurdle one, we do get stronger again. 

I know deep down that you have it in you to get back up and give it a shot tomorrow, and the next day.  You can hear that I am routing for you, I hope? 

You are not alone.  You are loved, Magic, from near and far.  Hang in there when things don't quite make sense.  And do seek help for the overwhelm; it helps.  (((HUGE HUGS TO YOU))).  -ljg