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Hi I had along talk with my local doctor today.I was not travelling very well he has helped with this and Ithink I needed some help in ho w to use the site best.I will stick to the grief section.I am really a very sad and teary woman with a lot of responsibilities.
Janet
Hi Janet,
I know what you mean. At the beginning, when Butch first passed, I was, for the most part only able to visit the grief section - actually only the posting that Sue, Darla Pauliune, and I still write on (Anthony). Everything else was just too much for me, and I WAS worried I would be a "downer" to other people. As time has passed, however, I like to check on the others here, and I rejoice at their good news, and, yes, feel sorrow at the bad news. I find it helpful, though, and it seems to help me with my healing process. I imagine that - in the future - you will also. Please join us on our "thread" - we would love to spend time with you.
Love - Joyce C
Dear Janet,
Thanks for giving a name to your posts. I am glad you are going to stick with us. Without going into all the details, I will tell you that I too am dealing with a lot of other responsibilities along with trying to deal with my grief, so I do understand why you are feeling so overwhelmed, as so am I. I just try to remember that right now I have to come first or I will not be strong enough to handle all the rest. Everything else I will deal with one day at a time.
I feel much the same as Joyce and agree with everything that she has said above. Join us on our thread whenever you want or need to.
Love,
Darla
Hi Janet. Where ever you want to read, where ever you want to post and what ever you want to post, we are here. The most caring group of people in the world. We are so sorry you had to come here but to know us is to love us. Take a few deep breaths and you will be surprised when all of a sudden your strength will come through. Please keep us posted.
Hi I think for me everything has become so hard.I have no family close by and my sister who lives in another state has just had a cancer diagnosis and so we are all just reeling about and I have 3 kids at home-the youngest in his last year of high school,one at university and one not well and I cant work the lawnmower so there you are and people tell me I am doing amazingly well but as you know Im really not
Janet
Janet,
I know - people don't know what is on the inside - what we are REALLY thinking, and how we are really feeling, do they? We have talked about this before amongst ourselves - I even stopped saying "I'm doing pretty good" to people when they asked - I said - "well , I have good days, and bad - this is difficult" or - something like that, because it drove me crazy that everyone thought I was fine, and I WASN'T fine!
It also seems like there was more to cope with than we could possibly handle, but - we have - one task at a time. Maybe one of your children could mow for you? Where ARE you located? It is not mowing time here yet in NYS - we fought the battle of the snow removal all winter - poor Darla gets the prize - the most snow to remove. So many electronic and mechanical things went wrong, it was kind of funny, in an awful way!
You can do it though. I am so sorry about your sister's diagnosis, and know that this is so difficult for you to cope with. I will be thinking of you.
Joyce C
Dear Janet,
I am so sorry to hear of your sister's diagnosis. It seems like it is just one thing after another, doesn't it? I know just how overwhelming all of this is. As Joyce said, we are all dealing with all of this too. We all find ourselves trying to cope with things we never had to be concerned about before. All any of us can do is keep on trying and do the best that we can. It isn't easy & it is very frustrating at times.
Why is it that everyone has to keep telling us how well we are doing? They have no idea of what we are going through or how we feel inside. Even when you try to tell them, they really don't want to hear it. They keep trying to tell you all the positive things to see in this. I know that they mean well, but they are not go through it as we are & we all know that there is not a whole lot of postive to see. Even though our loved ones are in a better place & no longer in pain, our loneliness, pain & sadness is real. That is why I come here. Everyone here listens & understands. I think that others want to believe we are doing fine as it easier for them & makes them feel better, if that makes any sense what so ever!
Just put one foot in front of the other & keep on going, one day at a time. That is all you can do.
Take care Janet. I will be thinking of you. Know that we are all here for you.
Love,
Darla
Joyce, Janet and Darla - I hope you don't mind if I jump in here too. I have been reading your posts all week and wanted to jump in and talk. A lot of times I also feel that if I post when others are talking about their symptoms, I will be a downer. A lot of the things I read about are things that happen to my Daddy during his battle. I want to comment on things that happened to him during paracentesis, his last days or his Hospice stay, but I don't want to bring others down. One thing I have learned about CC is that it is different with everyone, with a common threads. I have also started hanging out on the grief management posts because I feel comfortable here.
My Daddy passed away on January 14 and last Thursday, I took my mom for a thyroid biopsy - I have just about lost it every day waiting for the results. Today, we found out it is benign and they will check the nodules again in 3 months.
Janet, I know how overwhelming this all is, especially with your sister's diagnosis. I am so sorry you have such a heavy burden right now. Please know my prayers go out to you for comfort and peace......thanks for letting me vent on your post. Somedays coming to this site is the only peace I have - even when I cry the whole time, it is a good cry to know others feel the same emptiness and sadness I do.
Take care.
Smiles through tears,
Patsy
Patsy,
Feel free to jump in where ever & when ever you want or feel the need to. We are all here just trying to help and support each other and learn from each other.
I know how you feel about not wanting to bring others down. I too hesitate to post sometimes as I know that this cancer treats everyone differently & that what my husband experienced may not be how it will be for someone else. I feel like I don't want to bring them down as having hope is so important.
I was happy to hear that the results of your Mom's biopsy came back benign. What a scary thing to have to go through so soon after losing your Dad. I hope that the future results are just as good. I will keep you & your Mom in my thoughts & prayers. Take care Patsy & keep on smiling through those tears.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
Janet and Patsy,
Janet - I hope you had a better day today - and that your burdons were a bit lighter.
Patsy - I am so glad that your Mom's biopsy came back benign - what a relief that must have been!
It IS very dificult to know what to post when we are not in the Grieving section, but I always feel like I want to try to cheer folks on - they are so brave and are going through so much, and - we never do know - you are right in that this cancer is so different with each person that we can't base what will happen to anyone else on what happened with our loved ones. I just always feel if I can contribute some info that may help someone, it eases the pain of my loss a bit.
I have come to feel that this board is my "band of Brothers" (or - Sisters!), and I so want for things to come out well for each single person on it. My thoughts are with each of you tonight as we move toward another weekend.
Joyce
Joyce Im in Australia near rainforest so my grass grows pretty quick.My gardens like a jungle at the moment because my husband loved gardening so much he tended to it and we are all in too much of a daze to sort it out
kind regards Janet
Oh Janet - I wish I lived near you! I LOVE to garden - I keep thinking if spring would only come and I could get out and work in the flower gardens, it would be very therapeutic. I would love to work in your gardens and straighten them out for you! A spring flower catalogue came in the mail this week and I was poring over it. Naybe when some time has gone by, you will get some pleasure out of working out there in "his" gardens - it will remind you of all the good things about your husband - it is way too soon I think, now.
I know when Butch 1st passed away, his golf clubs in the garage almost killed me - everytime I climbed out of the car and my eye fell on them - I started crying. Now, however, when I see them , I smile, thinking of all the enjoyment he got out of golfing, and the good times I had, golfing with him. I still cry sometimes, too, but I do remember the good times so much more than at first, when all those bad memories - of him being sick and everything, were crowding into my mind all the time.
The people who post on this board are really from all over, aren't we? When Pauline, Sue, Darla and I started that thread we post on, months ago, we said we would love to meet for coffee (and a cry) sometime. To meet in the middle of all us us, we decided we would have to meet in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean! I would love to be able to spend some time with you now, to give you a big hug, and weed your flower beds!
Love - Joyce
Joyce - bless your heart - I know exactly what you mean about your husband's golf clubs. We have been packing up some of my Daddy's things and I am taking great care to make my 3 nieces a keepsake of their Papa. My Daddy was a very simple man, a pair of Levi's, snap denim shirt, New Balance tennis shoes and his beloved Florida Gator's caps. So I am putting together a memory box for each of my nieces with things of their Papa. He kept every card, paper clipping and drawing his beloved Granddaughter's ever made him - so I put all of those in their designated box - along with one of Papa's outfits. I came across the cap Daddy wore the last time I took him for a paracentesis. It was full of strands of Daddy's hair and I was oh so careful to put it in a ziplock bag for safe keeping. I just sat, held it, cried and felt so close to my Daddy. Even as I type this I cry, thinking about that day, taking him to the hospital and he was so weak, he couldn't even walk. With each paracentesis they would remove between 11 to 15 liters, yes liters of fluid.....he was so miserable. I knew it was close to the end from the research I had done and the postings on this site, but I didn't want to face it. Those memories I hold very dear and remind myself that Daddy is truly better off. He was not going to get better from this dreaded, uncaring cancer and now he is not suffering.........see how I ramble - and yes that would bring anybody down.
I live in northern Florida where today we will have temps up to 80, severe thunderstorms and highs tomorrow in the low 50's (which for us is a cold front) We did, however, mow this week, weeds not grass!!! Janet to live close to a rainforest WOW what an experience. I am a teacher and my students love it when we learn about the rainforest!!!! How lucky you are!!!
Thanks so much Darla, Joyce and Janet for letting me vent and understanding the emptiness we all share. It does help so much to have others to talk to and I do wish we could meet over a cup of coffe and cry!!!
Sending hugs, peace and days filled with happy memories to each of you.
Love -
Smiles through tears,
Patsy
Hi Everyone,
I too would love to live close to you Janet. Maybe we should all pack up & move to Australia! 
Living near a rainforest & helping to straighten out your gardens sounds like a wonderful way to spend the days. I'm here in Wisconsin dealing with snow & cold. That really is a downer!
Joyce & Patsy, I have experienced a lot of the same things that you are discussing. I guess it is all part of the grieving process that we are going through. I think that I too knew the end was near but could not face it. I just kept trying to fix it, to make it better and then he was gone.
It would be wonderful if some day we could all meet. For now we will just have to keep up our cyber friendship.
Sending strength, peace, comfort and love to all.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
Dear Janet, I'm so sorry about your husband. I pray that today is a little better for you. I imagine a little of what you are dealing with. My husband Charlie isn't doing well and is at home with help from Hospice. We're not where you are, but please know my heart goes out to you in your time of sorrow. We also have our two kids, 18 and 20 at home. I wish we could all pop in and help you. It would be good therapy for all of us too! Wish I could give you a big hug. Take care as best you can and however you feel is okay.
Sending love and strength to you,
Carol
I will butt in and tell you guys why everyone tells you how wonderful you are doing.
It is precisely because you are doing things you havent had to do or worry about before. It is because we see all the hundreds of things you are doing right, not the two or three things that havent been figured out, went wrong or slipped through the cracks. It is because we see your pain and are amazed at your strength and your heart. It is because almost everyone on this site will either die or watch their loved ones die and we all get strength from sharing with you and we understand how difficult it will be in the future...yet we see that there will be support when the time is needed. We tell you that you are doing great because you are. That does not mean people dont understand what you feel on the inside, but because we do understand and that you guys do everything you do and hold it together as well as you do and still give of yourselfs to others...that is amazing. So yes, you are doing wonderful.
Warm hugs and good thoughts to you all.
Kris
Kris - you are so sweet to tell us that - I think it is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Thank you so much.
Joyce C.
Thanks Kris,
I agree with Joyce. It is exactly what I needed to hear & you are wonderful to have been able to sense that we all needed this boost of support. I think that you too are amazing. With what you are all going through you are still able to reach out & help others. I think you are doing a pretty good job of holding it all together too. Thanks so much. Take care Kris.
Lots of hugs & love coming your way from cold, snowy Wisconsin.
Darla
The other Joyce wants to chime in and say, "Wow - Kris, that was such a beautiful, unselfish, warm and wonderful thing to post!" The fact that you're taking the time to lift our spirits when you've been through so much yourself - well, you're just the best!!!
Keep us updated on your progress (and that goes for everybody).
Joyce M
Really we are all wonderful .We have fires in Victoria and I worry about that.My husband Joel worked in some of these places-he was a jounalist- and I cant imagine what he would think.He was very engaged in what was going on in the world and I miss his input
Janet my friends 80yr old mother has been evacuated!
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