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It was one year ago today that I went to my sister's doctor's appt. and they told us she had bile duct cancer, stage IV and it had metastasized to her bones, lymph nodes and she would live less than a year to a year and a half. She could have palliative chemo but she would die.
She died 10 1/2 months later. I hate today.
Oh, I feel your pain so much. I agree with you completely. I still get depressed on the 22nd of every month, and now it's been 2 years, 1.5 months since my mother died. It DOES get better, but it always hurts.
Joyce M
I too feel your pain. I have to agree. I was thinking today of what Jim & I were doing 1 year ago. At that time we had no idea of what was lerking in the shadows waiting to pounce on us. 6 months later he was gone. I hate this disease!!!! We had never even heard of Cholangiocarcinoma. So many days are reminders of the past or of what happened. I also think that it will get better, but it never goes away. The pain, sadness, loneliness & grief will always be with us. We just learn how to live with it & try to go on. Atleast here, everyone understands. No one is expecting us to "get over it" as it has been long enough. When is it ever long enough? Our loved ones will always be a part of us and we never want to forget them. I share your pain & sadness.
Darla
Yes - we ALL hate anniversaries - they are very difficult. I get a little depressed every month around the 9th, and I can't seem to get past that date. And the year ago thing - it happened for me too this last week - I guess it is the same for all of us, and we will have to commiserate with each other, and band together to fight the depression that alwaysdescends, won't we?
Joyce C
I hear you loud and clear. Back at it each 6th of the month. It's a cycle and I am needing a good, big cry again. Next thing you know, it's the damn 6th again and I hate it. But I welcome it in a small way just to see how far I've come (we've all come).
It is what it is. I, ultimately, respect it for that, and I move forward, despite my stumbling and fighting myself to beat back denial all over again, just to see anger, bartering, depression, and semi-acceptance show up all over again.
It made me dizzy when it all started, and the cycles of these waves are further apart, but they still come. Once, after thinking I was "past" part of it, in the middle of the night, I sat straight up and cried like I never had before. So difficult, so healthy and cleansing, but so sudden it shocked me all over again.
You have a right to feel exactly as you do; we all do. Hang in there. We are getting stronger all the time.
I'm so sorry Teresa. Wish I could give you a big hug. Take care of yourself.
Carol
I'm so sorry as well Teresa. I hope that you know that we are all at different stages of grieving the loss of our loved one...but nontheless...we know what you are going through..and for me..when I know that someone else knows exactly how I'm feeling and can come up to bat for me swinging...it gives me more hope to take the next step forward. It will be one month, one week tomorrow since my husband passed, and I swear, Friday's will NEVER be the same. But some day they will, they will have to be..because as strong as we were while our loved one's were sick, we will one day feel that strength again....even though we ought to consider ourselves super-heros for surviving! You will be in me and Em's prayer's tonite!
Love,
Heather
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