Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is truly comforting, in a horrible way, to know that others know what I am going through. I am sitting alone in our kitchen in our home in the middle of nowhere (northern Queensland on a little island). We had gone to the USA with the hope of a liver transplant and he was listed but then fell ill quite quickly. Five months ago we were a normal married couple on a permanent honeymoon. People always commented on how in love we were. we had a perfect life and were so darn happy it was frankly quite nauseating to people.

Now, a week after the funeral, i am trying to live but find that i can't even do the simplest tasks. i am lost, alone, heartbroken. My beautiful stepdaughters have just left to go back to school so it's so quiet here, just me and my husband's ashes. i feel like am going crazy with my grief, losing my mind (i am usually very normal and smart/together/pillar of strength but now i am a complete mess, a train wreck). have any of you gone through this?

with love,
danielle

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear Danielle,

Many of us have gone through & still are experiencing much of what you are feeling.  Losing a loved one so quickly & from such a horrible type of cancer is something that no one who has not experienced it can understand.  My Jim has been gone 10 months and I still have a hard time accepting & understanding it all.  Last year at this time we didn't even suspect there was anything wrong and 2 months later he was gone.  You are not going crazy.  What you feel is normal considering what you have & are going through.  So much of what you are going through is similar to what Jim & I experienced.  I really do understand & sympathize.  We had 45 years together and were happy & did what we wanted to do, but you still feel robbed, like you wanted & deserved more time together.  It is just so unfair.

Just know that we are all here to help & support each other and give you the strength to go on.  It is not easy, but you will be OK.  We all will.  Life will never be the same for any of us, but together we can help each other to be strong and go on.

Keep coming back even if it is just to vent your feelings. It does help.

Love & Hugs,

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear Danielle;

I have not gone through what you are so I cant offer any first hand advice, but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
I pray that you will find comfort and peace.
God Bless,
Jamie

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear Danielle,it is certainly a very strange and surreal time and I think the adrenalin rush associated with all the stress can leave us a little drained.
  I am in Australia,on the NSW coast so I am in your timezone at least.At least you will have warmer water up there,I have missed being able to swim in the sea-I found that very therapeutic until a few weeks ago.
   I hope you have a nice community where you are
                                            kind regards   Janet

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Danielle,

The loss you are feeling cannot be put into words. And for many people around you knowing what to say, or how to help may be challenging at best.  For those who have lost a loved one to this disease, we have each had to work (or are working) through our grief in very individual ways.  You will find your way because we have seen your strength. If I can be so bold I will share two things with you and I have found beyond helpful:

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Hi Danielle, I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I lost my Dad just 4 months ago this week. Today was one of the first days that I was really comfortable being alone with his ashes, between bouts of tears. I have found that the process of surrendering to the tears and grief has made me stronger. Sometimes I simply don't have the strength to come to this site, and sometimes I have to stop people from asking about Dad - because the belly knot is too much. 

I know that Dads-to-husbands are apples-to-oranges in many ways, but I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for your grief. You're in my prayers.

Hugs,
Tess

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear friends,
Thank you so much for your warm thoughts, words of comfort and prayers. I am a little worse each day rather than better. I think it is all too new. I can't stop crying and the pain of him absence is as much physical as it is mental. It's so quiet here - I am so lost and alone and constantly pray that I'll to die.
thank again for being there and sorry for the depressing posts...
with love,
danielle

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear Danielle,

You don't need to apologize for your posts.  It is what you are feeling & you need to let it out.  You are right, it is all so new & you can't be expected to feel any differently than you do.  I still keep a radio or TV on almost 24/7 as the quiet is just too much to handle.  Crying is good.  It seems to give some relief & release.  Try to keep busy.  Even getting out for a short walk sometimes helped me.  It is still hard to have to come home alone, but it is what it is. We can't change what has happened to turn our lives upside down and inside out.  We just need to try to go on one day at a time.

There are many times I have said I wished we both would have gone together, but I know there is a reason that did not happen and why I am here & he is gone. I just don't know what it is and maybe we will never understand why these things happen.

Just remember that you are not alone.  We are all here for you whenever you need us.

I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear Danielle;
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that the days and nights are getting easier for you and that you have found at least a little peace and comfort. Jim would not want you to pray that you would die. He would want you to find peace and happiness in this life again. I know that is what I hope and pray for my family when I am gone. I don't want to be forgotten but I want them to be able to go on with their lives and live and be happy. Live for me for the days I won't have and truly appreciate every today that they have. I pray that you are a little bit better. Take care and keep us updated on how you are doing. God Bless,
Jamie

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Danielle, so sorry for your loss--so hard and so incredibly sad. I too felt this pain.  Life goes on, but never the same.  Thinking of you,  Marilyn

marilyn

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dear friends,

I still visit this site regularly and feel comforted to see the familiar names. I am having a very, very tough time - the pain has not alleviated and living is very difficult. I am functioning okay I guess but life is meaningless without my beloved Jim.

I pray for all of you and will always be grateful for the support that you all provided during Jim's battle with this horrible cancer.

Danielle

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Dearest Danielle, I don't think there is a time line on grief. Everyone handles grief in their own way. I honestly believe that Jim is worried about you as well. Not sure this will help but I have not posted it in a while:

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

My heart is with you in your sadness, Danielle.  Please keep coming back & talking with us.  My very, very best wishes to you.

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Oh my, how truly sorry for ur loss. I was so consumed fighting for my mother then to loose her I haven't been here in awhile. So So Sorry

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Hi Danielle,

    I am so happy to hear from you - sorry that this sadness we feel goes on and on, but I know that you are a strong woman, and you will find your way. We are all here for you when you need us.

Love - Joyce C.

Re: Goodbye my beloved husband, James Bell

Thank you so much for the words, it's so so tough without him. He was such a beautiful man, I loved him so much.

I am praying for all of you. You are all such an amazing group of people, fighting this horrible disease or supporting someone impacted.

Thank you for being here for me, it means so much to me.

Love, peace and prayers to you all,
Danielle