Topic: How do I live without him?

Dear CC friends,

As you may have seen in my posts before Jim died, we thought we were being frightfully realistic by re-assessing his life span as

Re: How do I live without him?

Danielle, I am sorry to say you sound normal. I believe everything you are experiencing has to run a "course". Five weeks is not a long time.  I also think part of what you feel is the not running to appointments, the decisions that had to be made and all the other stress that went along with the horrible journey. I am sure you will hear from some of our other wonderful ladies who have lived through this with some good advise.  Try to take it one day at a time
and when you least expect it, all of a sudden you will turn a corner and things will again appear to normalize. They will never be the same but the sharpness of the pain will dull a little more. Wish I could just wave a magic wand and make it all better.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: How do I live without him?

Danielle;
My heart breaks for you when I read your posts. I can only imagine what you are going through. I have no magic words or advise. I can only offer my sincere and heartfelt sympathy and a friendly ear whenever you need it. Feel free to email me at any time. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You will survive this terrible time because you are a strong woman and Jim would want you to. Try and take care of yourself. God Bless,
Jamie

Re: How do I live without him?

Dear Danielle,
                      I know exactly how you are feeling and I think it can be rather frightening at times.I think we just exist,just hang in there by threads and I dont know if there is a normal way through it.Some of us are lonely in empty houses,some of are equally lonely in houses full of teenagers.It is a truly dreadful experience to go through.Sometimes counselling can help if you get the right person.
  I dont know about the full time work as grief is a very tiring process.What helped me a lot was swimming in the ocean-it had a spiritual quality to it that helped to lift my spirits                     good luck   Janet  xx

Re: How do I live without him?

Dear Danielle,
   My heart breaks when I read your post.  We all know how those feelings can be, and I think Lainy is right - it's "normal" for these "abnormal" times, or - these is no "normal" right now. For me, when I lost Butch, it's like I lost my anchor, and had nothing here to hold me in place, so I drifted along. We can  tell you it does get easier as time goes on. You will still grieve, of course, but not with the same intensity as you are right now. Some of the things that helped me are - praying for strength and peace, the love of my family surrounding me, returning to work (it saved my sanity, I think), and our little dog Flash .  Oh yes, - there was the trazadone I took also! It really helped, and I was able to cut it back with no ill effects later when I didn't need it anymore (a little at a time). I think it really helped me.


Thinking of you,

Joyce C.

Re: How do I live without him?

Dear Danielle,

I too know exactly how you are feeling as I have and still am going through a lot of that myself. Unfortunately I guess it is just a normal part of this grieving process that we have no choice but to endure. Keeping busy does help some.  It doesn't really change anything, but it helps to occupy your mind for a time.  I have come to the conclusion that a lot of these feelings never really go away.   We just learn to live with them and try to go on.  One day at a time. 

It does help to know that what we are going through is "normal" under the circumstances.  Being able to communicate with others who are experiencing the same things and knowing we are not alone does help to give us strength to go on.

Know that I am thinking of you and share your feelings of loss & loneliness.  Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

7 (edited by Karen Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:12:34)

Re: How do I live without him?

Dear Danielle,
Your words so hit everything I felt in March and still feel today.  Somedays the pain is so bad I truly feel I could just lay down and cross over.  I long to share emotions and touchs with Rob and knowing that I cannot gets totally overwhelming.  Sorry...I don't mean to go on about how I feel when this was intented to help you feel better knowing that what you are feeling and going through is where so many others of us are at also.  Enough of my ramblings...prayers of comfort for us all.
Peace,
Karen

Wishing all God's blessings!

8 (edited by pauline Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:44:15)

Re: How do I live without him?

Dear Danielle,
                  Every word you write could have been written by me. Although nearly a year, I still miss Anthony desperately and am crying now because I know how you feel. I think in those early days I got through by remembering our love and thinking how lucky we were to have had that. I would go out walking and talk to him. I cried and cried and imagined he knew how I felt and that he was there with me. Gradually I was able to remember the happy times, the funny times but it did take several months to get there.
           I still talk to him now and still cry but I also remember our lovely times and am glad we had a special love that not everyone has. Something in that sustains me. I try to live up to Anthony's ideals and to be a person like him who contributes to life rather than takes things from life. I haven't got it right by any means but I try. I can't think far into the future and think the best I can do is to plan for the short and medium term.
                     After some months of being exactly like you, I think I gradually got better at behaving normally and being able to see a little beyond the limits of my grief. For me my step daughter and grandchildren have helped me to see love beyond the lost love and to gain a perspective. In addition working and trying to help others with this disease have also helped.
                    Anthony is still with me in my head all the time. I too sometimes feel completey insane with grief but we are not insane. We lost our loved ones so suddenly and to a terrible disease and it is a life changing experience. I no longer expect life to contain the joy it used to but I look to my husband for a lead. He never complained but was always positive. He always helped others and by trying to emulate him, I gain some kind of peace. We will love our husbands for ever but we can still lead meaninful lives, I hope.
              I hope there may be something in what I have said that will strike a chord with you. Please know that I am thinking of you during this hardest of times.
                 With love
                     Pauline

Re: How do I live without him?

My dear friends,
Thank you so much for the words, which are both meaningful and inspiring. Such good advice and how comforting to know that I am not alone. Something must have worked  - I had a period of approximately 5 minutes today where I actually thought that I might survive this, i.e. I felt hope that I may wish to live, at some point in the future.
Thank you all

Re: How do I live without him?

I went to the user list specifically to look you up and see how your husband was doing.  I had not been on here for a while and I was looking over some old posts of mine that you replied to, thinking your husband was doing just about as well as my dad. 

I am so sorry to hear that he died. 

I guess there really isn't much more to say than that.  I am just so sorry.

-Deb

Re: How do I live without him?

Danielle,

I, too, went to the user list today to look for your most recent post. While my loss was diiferent (my dad) - your pain has felt tangible through your written words.

Please continue to come here, often. Sometimes the act of writing your feelings (alone) can bring healing.  Your 5-mins of hope will grow with time and in the meantime know that there are those who pray for your strength and peace.

Bz