Topic: He is fading before my eyes

After receiving a call from my father's GP explaing she only thought he had a couple days I was on the next plane to see my dad! On Friday he was admitted to hospice after only brief talk about it. The oncologist mentioned that they noticed a huge change in him in only a couple days and felt he needed to go into hospice immediately. I was shoked when I walked into that hospital room. I didn't even recognize my daddy! I don't think I can put words on the pain I feel when I look at him, his eyes all sunken in, his neck so tiny. This is not fair anymore! He was doing okay end of April when I saw him last. Now, the confusion is umbearable. I see moments of my old daddy, so cute, so sweet, so bossy and insistant. But I just want all of him back!!! Not just little glimpses. I just feel so helpless. The swelling in his legs is aweful, it just shocked me how huge they are. And when he slips in and out of consciousness, his open mouth is sooo scary. Almost like this death "mask"? I dont even recognize his voice anymore, the voice that was so comforting and pleasant is now raspy. Has anyone experienced with their loved one, this inability to pee? Is that a symptom of the body shutting down? He wants to pee, but he can't. What torture!!! I want the sweet Lord to take him soon, I just can't bear this suffering any longer!! This disease is so terrible I just want to scream!!!! What am I going to do when I lose him? I already feel like my entire world has crumbled around me.

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Hi Ashlea, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through what you are experiencing with my own Dad, just a couple months ago. It was the hardest and saddest time of my life.  I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your Dad. There are no words for the heartbreak....

Tess

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Hi  This is a terrible experience for you,to see your dad like this.You will remember the great dad that he has always been until this last while-my sons have been through what you are are experiencing,it is so hard but just remember the real him throughout,you will be ok    love  Janet

Re: He is fading before my eyes

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.  My husbands experience was much the same and my sons & I also went through what you are now experiencing.  There is no easy way to get through all of this, but you will.  Try to be strong & know that we are all here for you. I will keep you, your Dad and your family in my thoughts & prayers.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Ashlea,
Reading your post was gut wrenching and heartbreaking b/c it brings back my experience with my father just a few short months ago.  You are right to pray for your dad to be put to peace.  This cancer is heartless and relentless at the end.  The only shining star I have now is that my dad is no longer suffering.   It is a horror show at the end, but Ashlea, two months later after losing my dad, I dont' think of the end so often anymore, or even the disease, I think of my dad, my friend, my confindant, my absolute hero, and yes, I miss him more than words, but I dont' see the illness and him anymore. 
From reading your posts from the last few months, it is clear you are an amazing, strong young women, and wise beyond your years.  You will get through this because you are your fathers daughter.  I am praying for no more suffering for your father now, and strength for you in the days, weeks, months to come.
Peace
Barbara

The  Lord is my shephard

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Ashlea,
I am in tears writing this so I will try to be comprehensive.  Help your Dad to cross over.  Whisper to him that everything is okay and it is okay for him cross to the other side.  He can still hear you and feel you.  Touch him, pet/rub his arm and let him know the Lord is waiting for him.  When my husband was in hospice I would climb into bed with him and tell him to release and continue his journey to heaven.  Prayers of comfort for you and your family.
Peace,
Karen

Wishing all God's blessings!

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Dear Ashlea, I cannot add anything as the ladies said it all so beautifully. Please know that we are all praying for you and your family.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Ashlea,

Your post breaks my heart.  I haven't been through what you are experiencing, but I can only imagine how much your heart is breaking.  We are always here for you.  I am so sorry, Amy

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Dear Ashlea
                I am so sorry too. All I can say is that this time is very precious and is a chance for you to tell him how much you love him and to just try to make things as calm and peaceful as they can be for him.
               I am thinking of you
                     With love
                        Pauline

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Dear Ashlea,
  I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I will be praying for you and your family, and our CC family will be here for you when you need us.


Joyce C.

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Ashlea;
I am so sorry for what you are going though. I was not able to be with my Dad when he passed because he was on vacation and it was sudden but I was able to be at my Moms side when she did. I sat with her and told her Daddy and others were waiting for her and it was Ok to go. I said the Lords prayer outloud for her and she was gone. She had been suffering from Alzxheimers which is also an awful disease. I pray that your Dad finds peace soon and there is no more suffering. I will say a prayer for you and your Dad. Take care and God Bless,
Jamie

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Ashlea,

I can't even breathe for reading your post.  It brings back all too clearly when I lost my beloved daddy.  A week from today; last night I couldn't even sit still, I've got these shakes for whatever reason and I keep thinking about the last week with my dad.  But, with the help of my guardian angels on this board and my faith, I know that I will get through the rest of the month.  You will, too, I can promise you this.  Even now with my dad away, I turn to the comfort and the advise of this panel.

Ashlea, the symptoms that you describe are what I went through with my dad.  He had no urine output as his kidneys were no longer functioning.   My dad, my handsome, strong dad died peacefully.  ( I had them give him morphine every hour via drip; it was the most restful he had been for a month).

Watching my dad prepare to leave this world, in retrospect, was the most beautiful gift that I could ever receive.  While I have days when I grieve so deeply, I also have days that I smile as I remember the wonderful dad I had, and to some degree, still have.  We were very close.

Ashlea, treasure this time.  Know that you are on holy ground now as God has sent you his angels to support and comfort you, and bring peace to your beloved dad as he is called home.  You are experiencing such a sacred event.  I pray that your memories will give you some strength as you prepare to say farewell to your dad. 

Peace be with you and your family,
Jolene

>I agree with Jamie.  Dad and I were able to converse when he was conscious.  He told me that he felt he was leaving, so we had a beautiful goodbye.  As much as it killed me to say it, I also told my dad it was ok to go.  I told him we would be ok, and not to worry about mom or the boys (my adult brothers).  I assured him I would always watch out for them.  I thanked him for my life, for all we shared.  And I made a request of him.  I asked him to watch over me, and he said that he would.  To this day, I know my dad is with me. 
Ashlea, I wish I could take away your pain.  I'm crying now, not just cuz I miss my dad, but for what you are going through.  Be brave, be strong, and talk with your dad.

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."     ~g. b. hinckley

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Hello everyone,

Wow!! After a long day with my daddy it is nice to come home and read all your lovely posts! I feel so much better now. Your support and kind words are so special to me. In my most desperate moment I knew that my family here would be able to relate to my situation. Part of me is still scared, but I do have more peace. I was able to get alone with my dad finally and get some things out that I really needed to say. He was somewhat responsive, and most important is that he can hear it. He is rather agitated, which is really difficult for me because there really is nothing I can do to make things better. I want to make him as comfortable as possible in this time but I'm not sure how. His confusion is also difficult to watch, because then he gets frustrated when he doesn't understand. Sometimes it is really cute, we all revert to little children when our time is near. But while he does cute things, and funny things it still makes me sad. One day at a time I guess...I just need strength from the Lord above. And it helps to know that I am not alone, that people have gone through it, and there really is something so beautiful about death. This is the most difficult time of my life. I can't believe how many life lessons I'm learning. Sometimes I wish God didn't think I was so strong. I don't know...

Love, Ashlea

Re: He is fading before my eyes

Ashlea;
We are all here for you. I'm glad you were able to have somme special time with him today. Take care and you are both in my prayers. God Bless,
Jamie