Topic: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Hi all,

Need you to keep me in your prayers this weekend.  We've now come to another step in the grieving process that needs to be accomplished ...cleaning out my Mom's closet.

I know it's time and my sister and I are going to Greensboro this Saturday to sort and dispose of some of the things in Mom's closet.  I can't tell you how much I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!!!

I know it's got to be done and that Mom would laugh and tell me that material things are not what's important in our lives.  Still it's going to be hard.  Each time I've been back to Greensboro, I go and stand in her closet before I leave to come home.  While I'm there and close my eyes it's as if she wraps her arms around me and I smell her perfume.  In that closet I can be a little girl, dependent on her Mom again.

I know this is totally silly for a grown woman to dread something so much.

I know we'll get through this and that it will be a good thing for Daddy.  The closet is a huge walk in closet and when it's empty, he is going to add some ventilation and use it as his hobby space.  He builds and flys radio controlled airplanes from scratch...not a kit.  He will enjoy this as it gets colder and winter gets nearer.  I know it will give him something else to keep him busy and creative.

*sigh*....Another step on this awful journey...please walk it with me as you have all of the other steps....

Hugs and love,

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam,

I can so identify with you on this. My Dad passed away 3 months ago, my Mum lives in Florida and I live in England. Before we left (5 weeks) after Dad died I helped her 'sort out' Dad's clothes but that is as far as we got...

Once I had come home she did some more sorting out with a close friend but couldn't bear to dispose of his clothes. My Dad had 95 shirts.... No kidding, and they were all variations on a same theme. She has now donated all but 2 or 3 to the local charity shop, she was going to offer them to Dad's friends but couldn't run the risk of seeing someone else in her beloved husband's clothes...

All that is left are some personal possessions and when my brother goes over in a couple of weeks he will help my Mum sort those out.

It all seems so final doesn't it? But your memories and thoughts of your Mum are deep inside your heart and mind.

Will be thinking of you this weekend,

Katie

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam.  Some of my husbands clothing and shoes I gave away to needy people and others things I simply stored somewhere else.  I believe, it is all about timing.  If is hurts too much then it is too early to let go off.  I have found it to be easier on me and my kids to guard our emotions rather then making space for another purpose.  Giving your Dad this great area for his hobbies is the best that can happen.  Possibly you can hold on to some of your Mom's things in other ways.  I have noticed that with time passing I find myself less apprehensive when holding my husband's belongings and much to the opposite of the year before I enjoy the memories associated with it. This is another tough day for you Pam but also it is another step in the healing process.  I am so glad that you are bringing up this subject because; it is so much part of our moving forward. 
Hugs coming your way,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam,
I totally agree with Marion -it is all about timing. I so wanted to hold onto everything of my Jacques' clothing. After much thinking and research, I decided to have a quilt made with many of Jacques' T-shirt, shirts and also a favorite pair of "Life is Good" pajama bottoms. I thought about this for a year and then I researched for the company that fit my criteria. I finally decided on who I wanted to entrust these valuable articles of clothing (so loaded with memories) to and the day I shipped the clothes to them - I thought I was going to be sick - I shipped them and every step of the way I was able to track the status.
Well, tonight I came home to a package in my breezeway - it was my "Jacques quilt" it is amazing. It was an emotional night - but I so enjoyed wrapping myself in the memories of "us". I know that this wll become a family heirloom.
As Marion stated "it is another step in the healing process".
Love from NH,
Barbara

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam,

When someone is gone there are still so many remnants, so many traces of the life they lived--a favorite dress worn countless times, a favorite coffee cup, etc.--and it can be a daunting task to go through them and decide what to do with them. When we went through my mom's closet I invited her best friend and her cousin over to help us out and we were able to share some memories so I hope you and your sister can share some as well.

My mom's clothes don't really fit me or my sisters so I saved some old comfortable sweaters to wear around the house but I am going to take one of her skirts to a seamstress and have it fitted for myself. We have pictures of my mom in fabulous clothes when she was younger and I wish she had saved some of them. She had these glittery silver shoes, pumps with sort of a platform heel, that we would try on for dress up and they are still in the attic in the house I grew up in, in the Halloween box!

I have found things among her possessions that have made me cry and many that have made me laugh. The woman couldn't have sent an e-mail to save her life and I found an envelope addressed to her best friend (who begged her to get e-mail) that she never mailed and inside was a newspaper clipping on e-mail etiquette. She couldn't tell you what e-mail was but she wanted to make sure you were doing it properly!

Patty

6 (edited by magic Wed, 23 Sep 2009 06:11:35)

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Well,after 8 months I have not done much with my husbands things.They are all still in the wardrobe and shoes still in the rack so I have nothing to advise,I think I will get to it when it feels right but I wont stress over itIs your dad ok with it?                          Janet

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Just to update...

I've driven to Greensboro and am sitting in the living room with my Daddy.  My sister will be here tomorrow morning at 8:00 am so we can do Mom's closet.  I hope and pray I can hold it together while we do this.  Daddy is looking forward to getting things done so that makes it easier for me. 

It will be easier knowing you guys will be thinking and praying for me....

Hold me close in your thoughts....  It will be 6 months on October 3rd since Mom died.  I'll let you know how things end up going....

Hugs,
Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

I'm thinking of you, Pam.

With love
Julia xx

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam,

Thinking of you and your family as you begin this painful task,

Katie

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

"Holding it together" sounds like you do not want to cry. Remember, tears can be healing, too. Water is used in baptism, and water has many spiritual uses as well as life-giving properties, so if the tears come, better to share them with your loved ones who may need their own healing tears. I'm praying for you all.
Louise

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam, someone posted not long ago about taking certain clothes and having a quilt made from them. I thought that was a splendid idea. You can then wrap yourself in everything mom and pass it on for generations. I will be thinking about you today.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam,
  I am thinking about you this weekend. I know how difficult it is. I made sure I kept a few favorite things, but - Butch had 36 pairs of shorts alone! Ninety some shirts, etc., etc. I did feel better when it was behind me, and I have many personal effects here with me - I have a "memory box" on his dresser, that I look through from time to time. Nothing is easy, is it? But - you are doing the right thing, doing this painful task - and this will be a help for your Dad.


Joyce C.

Re: Need some mental help and lots of prayers!

Pam,
As I posted earlier - I had a memory quilt made, although it took me a while to be able to gather the items together and ship them out. My "Jacques quilt" arrived last week and it is so womderful that I can sit with a book or just sit and listen to music and wrap myself in memories. It is helping me - I totally understand how difficult the healing process is - but just remember to take baby steps and follow your heart - I am sure it leads us in the right direction.
Love from NH,
Barbara