My mom

Hi Amy,

I think about you every day. I wish things could have been different but at least you were there for your mom, and she was there for you.  Time does make things better, but she will always hold a special place in your heart.

I think you are correct on the hepatic failure/CC explanation. I assume the CC eventually causes the liver to fail, so that would be the "official" cause.

Hugs,
Sue

Hi everyone,

I have been having a really rough few days.  It seems like everyone that I know has moved on except for me.  I am NOT ready to move on.  People call and invite me for lunch or want to talk, but it is about day to day stuff, and I just don't want to hear about it!  I don't want to sound selfish and sound like I want people's sympathy, I just don't want them to forget that my wonderful mom is gone.  I just down right miss her.  I miss her voice, I have so many questions that I need to ask her.  The other day I was planting tulips, and I didn't know which way they went... Mom was our gardener, so this is my first time .  I so badly wanted to be able to come in and ask her what to do, but I couldn't.  Also, Maddy has been sick, so I wanted Mom's advice about what to do......The pain is just so much.  She wrote us letters for us to open after she was gone, and she wrote in mine that she knew that I would miss her the most, boy was she right.  I have been so emotional nearly every day this week, my poor husband.  Thank goodness that Gary is a gift from God, but I know that I am still wearing him out.  NOTHING can replace the love that you have from and for your mother.

It is so nice to be able to come here and share my feelings with people who unfortuantly understand exactly what I am feeling.

Lots of love,
Amy

Amy,

I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I lost my dad and my mom a few years back, and I hurt so bad knowing I couldn't talk to them again.  But it does get better. It really does. But it will only get better on it's own schedule. I think about you everyday (I still have your mom as a friend on facebook...now don't cry about that!!! I am just not ready to take her name off. That's silly, isn't it?) I never even met her but she sure seemed like a wonderful woman.

Don't rush things.  You need to get thru the sad to remember the wonderful sometimes.

Hugs,
Sue

Amy,

I also found that some people seemed to think that they should avoid mentioning my mom or asking questions about her. I think this is just people not being raised to be comfortable talking about these things. Also, I have found my mother's friends more open to talking about her so it is perhaps related to what a person is going through at different ages. In other words, friends my age are not ready to confront their own parents' mortality and so avoid the topic of my mom.

It has been over a year that my mom is gone now and as I type this I am trying not to cry. I think when you lose your mother, even if you have plenty of people around you, you will always feel a little more alone from then on.

Patty

What a lovely, lovely poem, Lainy.  I'm so glad you're going to keep it for Maddy, Amy.  I have some wonderful memories of my grandparents & it's lovely to think that some things don't necessarily change in these rapidly changing times.

I'm thinking of you, Amy, & am so sorry for your loss.

To dear Amy, I read your post about your mum and it felt so familiar - my mum has CC and has been given a poor prognosis. I have to be honest and say that I have felt these very same fearful emotions strongly (indeed it was horrible when my mum was so unwell that she couldn't even hold a conversation, there seemed to be so many things she had told me that I couldn't remember, and I am fearful of how much I will miss her).  I guess we always need our mums - I am in my early 40s and still need mine!  My mum has even spoken about her own mum, and how she missed her when she died (of old age).. and how much shes looking forward to (hopefully) seeing her again in her next life.  I could never deny her that, however much I want her to stay here with us.
I guess, in nature, nothing stands still, and if it gives you any comfort whatsoever - I can see very clearly from your mailing that your mother gave you the best gift of being a wonderful caring mum for your own daughter, and taught you the real pleasure of mothering and gardening - the joy of growth and discovery, nurturing.
I'm sure your mum is watching over you proudly, seeing you do everything just right, proud that her passions are being passed onto your daughter and in turn future generations.
I know this doesn't take away the deep pain that you are probably feeling or your great sense of loss - but I hope this gives you some feeling of comfort when you miss her most. Wendy x

Amy,

I think we all have experienced what you are feeling.  For everyone else,  life goes on, but for those of us who have lost a loved one, someone important to us who was a major part of our lives, it will never be the same.  Just know that we all understand and you can come here and talk or just rant & rave all you want.  As Pam said, we really do all understand and care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla