Topic: It does not seem over
It has been 1 month and 2 days since my sister passed. It all happened so fast. Even though I knew what the ending would be, no one can prepare for the day when it comes. I was with her the night before. She got out of breath easily, and was a bit confused at times because of the pain meds. On Nov 26th, 7am I got a call saying things look bad. She was gone before any of us got there. I'll never forget holding her 18 yr old in the hospital parking lot. While she cryed and screamed "Why? Its not fair", while tears were streaming down my own face and I was seeing pain on my husbands face watching us. Or the sounds of her 8 and 11 yr old when we gave them time alone with their mother. The sounds of their crying riped threw my heart. I havent delt much with my own feelings yet. I have moments where its like painful anguish hits so hard. I still have her voice on my answering machine. Her 18 yr old is now living in our house. The younger 2 are at my brothers house. Tonight all 3 are here with my family. Its nice, but painful at the same time. I want to make it so the kids can be together as much as possible. I keep thinking the busier I am helping, my grief will ease. But its not. This is the first type of cancer to enter my familys life. Its unbelievable how fast its torn things apart. It caused the loss of a strong willed and minded woman of 46 yrs. A mother of 3. A sister to 5. A daughter. An aunt to many and an x-wife to 2. The list could go on. Everything goes on. Thats why I still do not feel its over.