Topic: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero
Maria Anna (Marian) Vanderwerff
April 11, 1930 - January 17, 2010
It's been just over a week since mom died. In true fashion, she waited for the hour when not one of her six children were by her bedside - I don't think she could bear to be with one of us. Instead she was with her favorite caregiver Kelly, for which we are all so grateful.
For those of you who knew about my mom, you know that she - like so many - bravely fought this disease. Until a week before she died, she managed with tylenol 2s - I think she literally "willed" the pain to stay at bay, but when it did break through, it did so with a vengeance. Once the pain pump was adminstered, it was though she was ready to let go.
My brother flew in from Vancouver on Friday January 15th and went straight from the hospital to see her. He was able to spend all day with mom on Saturday (his birthday) with both me and one of my sisters. She was still able to communicate with us - I know she heard everything we said and would occasionally try to chime in to let us know she was with us. Two of us were on our way to her bedside on Sunday morning when another sister got the call that she had died.
The last week has been fueled by a combination of adrenlin and relief. Her last week was so incredibly difficult to watch that a big part of me is glad she is at peace. And I do truly believe she is at peace. But the other part of me is filled with pain and grief and loss that seems incomprehensible. I'm not sure how I'll ever begin to fill the hole that she has left. I'm not sure it can be filled.
Mom, I will miss you for the rest of my life. I love you.