Topic: The love of my gone

My wonderful husband Brian lost his short battle with cholangiocarcinoma on January 10, 2010 at 8:06pm.  People aren't suppose to die at 30!!  He is the love of my life and I am so lost without him.  We spent almost 24 hours a day together for the last few years (we ran a business together) and now I find it hard to even get up in the mornings.  I find it so unfair that he was taken and I can't wait for the day when I see him again.  So until I see you again Brian - I love you!

Re: The love of my gone

I am very sorry to hear about Brian.I went through the same experience in almost the exact same timeframe with my husband,Joel last year.He was older in his 50s but still way too young to leave us.
I think take comfort from family and friends and be very patient with yourself.A little bit of exercise does help,whatever you can manage to do.
                       My best to you         Janet

3 (edited by Cherbourg Fri, 29 Jan 2010 10:21:15)

Re: The love of my gone

I am so sorry to hear about Brian. 

I lost my Mom to this disease April 3, 2009.  I've been learning first hand how hard grief can be.  I thought all of the anticipatory grief I experienced in the year leading up to her death would have prepared me.  It doesn't.

You wlll find that unless a person has experienced grief first hand they will be empathetic but unable to truly comprehend how overwhelming grief can be.  Grief is not only emotional but physical as well.  Please be gentle with yourself.  There is no timetable for how you move through your grieving.  It will become less intense eventually but remember every person is different and the process of grieving is different for everyone.

I've had some well meaning people tell me that grieving won't bring Mom back and I need to focus on other things.  (this came about two weeks after Mom's death).  Probably a good thing that I was grieving because if I'd had the strength I would have killed the jerk. 

The depth of your grief is a personal thing.  You've been a caregiver and watched the one you loved most in the world die.  You are exhausted mentally, emotionally and phyically.  Please take any and all of the time you need and if possible ask for help from those around you.  You will find that grieving is the hardest job you will ever have.

Your Brian must have been a remarkable man to inspire such love.  I know you will find your way to a point in the future when you will be able to only remember the good things and the bad things will fade.

I will hold you close in my thoughts and prayers.  Please come back here whenever you need.  We truly understand and are here for you.

Much love and hugs,

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: The love of my gone

Dear Jennifer, I am so sorry to read of your loss.  You're right, there is no justice is death at 30. My prayers are with you and your family.

Hugs to you,

Re: The love of my gone

I am so sorry to read this. I had been following your blog and felt connected as another young SC cholangio patient. I pray that you find the peace and strength to get through this.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: The love of my gone

I was so sorry to see the title of your post - knowing what was coming.  I too have followed your courageous and hard fought battle.  But knowing what you two went through together makes me confident that you will also use that same courage and motivation to grieve yet go on living.  I lost my husband, Gary, three months ago, and there is a lot of grief and loneliness to be worked through.  We need to use our husbands as inspiration and remind ourselves of how they would want us to be living our lives.  That gives me the strength daily to get up, to get out of the house, to reach out to other people, and to learn to live without the love of my life.  My prayers are with you at this difficult time - and continue to use this site to vent your feelings, because we truly DO know how you're feeling.

Live each day to the fullest

7 (edited by Darla Fri, 29 Jan 2010 08:51:57)

Re: The love of my gone

Dear Jennifer,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I too know how you are feeling right now.  Everything everyone has expressed above is so true. No it is not fair and especially not at such a young age.  I know there are no words that will easy your pain right now, but try to be comforted knowing that he is no longer suffering and remember that he will be with you forever in your heart and memories.  His spirit will always be with you and yes, one day you will be together again.

Thinking of you with love & prayers.

With Much Love & A Lot Of Hugs,

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: The love of my gone

I am so sorry about Brian. Nothing we could posibly say can convey the thoughts  that we all want to say to you, but just know that we are here for you, and we understand how you feel.

Joyce C.

Re: The love of my gone

I am so sorry to hear the news about Brian. I lost my dad last month and I can relate a bit to the pain you are feeling right now.  I know that there are no words that will help ease your pain right now, but we are all here for you.

My thoughts are with you and your family,


Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: The love of my gone

Dearest Brian's wife, we are so very sorry to hear about Brian. No words can express enough how bad we feel for you and your family. When you said "until I see you again" you prompted me to again print these words:

Grieve not for me, my darling,
I'll not be far away,
With petals of love and tenderness,
I'll pave for you the way.

To join me in our sanctuary,
And ne'er again we'll part,
Grieve not for me, my darling,
I live within your heart.

Take joy again in living,
As you did in years gone by,
God knows of what He's doing,
And not be questioned why,

Grieve not for me, my darling,
My life with you on earth,
Each moment filled with happiness,
And love so few be worth.

I'll be waiting for you Sweetheart,
Where skys are ever blue,
With eager heart and open arms,
Patiently for you.

Grieve not for me, my darling,
May faith and my love keep
Your soul filled with contentment,
Eternally I sleep.


Re: The love of my gone


I'm so sad to read this.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you and the family.  No one should have to face this cancer.  Based on everything I've read, you are an amazing soul, and a great wife.  He is blessed to have you by his side through it all, as you are blessed to have him with you through your life.  You are both too young to have to face such harsh realities. 

There is a family here that will always love and support you. 


30-something caregiver

Re: The love of my gone

Im so sad for you. My heart is breaking for you.  Im really sorry

Re: The love of my gone

Dear Jennifer I feel so sad for you.
What happens to all our young people, so swift so sudden no chance to realise what is happening.
You have been a wonderful wife  and walked with your man along this harrowing path. We all love you and will be here for you as long as you need us.
love and light Alan's mom


Re: The love of my gone

Brian's wife, I know where you are coming from, as I sit here reading these replies tears are rolling down my face.  My Wayne went to see Jesus 2-17-10.  I'm starting individual therapy Friday, and grief counseling at hospice the following Tuesday.  My daughter tells me I need to think of happy thoughts, there is no happy thoughts.  We have been married 35 years, his family has not called to see if me or my children are living or not.  My sister and brother has not called either.  I have eight nieces and nephews nothing. My real family is most of the people I work with.  Everyone says you need a support group, good luck.  I wonder why I need therapy so much, I can't wait to see him again.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate