1 (edited by Cherbourg Sat, 03 Apr 2010 09:07:34)

Topic: It's been a year...

Hi all,

At times I thought I would never make this milestone.   It's been one year since Mom died.  I've spent the morning rereading my posts and reliving the memories of her last days. 

I've come a very long way in the grieving process but honestly still have a ways to go.  At this one year mark I have mostly good days but the sadness and yearning to have my Mom back still remains.  It's hardest when I leave work everyday because that's when I would always call my Mom. 

My Mom was always doing something nice for everyone.  She was always sending cards to people.   She said having a card or note that you could hold was more personal than emails.  In her honor and memory I decided to start sending cards (which I make as a hobby) and notes whenever the need presents itself.  One of her dearest friends is now the caregiver for her huband who has multiple myeloma.  This woman was so thoughtful and caring during my Mom's illness, always sending two or three cards a week and dropping off meals at least once a week.  I've been trying to be sure to send her notes and cards.

I've also become a volunteer to my son-in-law's Marine squadron.  Yesterday we welcomed home 95 Marines from Afghanistan and I've now logged over 100 hours as a volunteer.  It helps to give something back and know it's in Mom' s honor.

I'm teary eyed today but I'll get through.  Grief is the hardest task I've ever had to tackle.  It's incredibly hard and wearing but in some strange way it's taught me so much....to be more compassionate and caring.  I know I have refined my faith and have a strength inside of me that I didn't know existed.  I've still got a long way to go. 

Thank you all so much for being with me on this journey....I love you all....

Hugs,
Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: It's been a year...

Hi Pam and hugs right back surrounding you! Your mother had to be a very SPECIAL lady to have raised a wonderful daughter like you! Memories are good even if they sadden you because they allow you to re live very special moments of your life.
Speaking of wonderful mother's, sounds like you took after yours. What a wonderful position you have taken on, volunteering for  your son-in-law's Marine Squadron. You get to take part in the excitement of seeing uniformed men return from "hell" to home and families. How fabulous is that!
I have got in the habit  when at the airport and I see a soldier, to say thank-you.
Today, remember, that you are also a very wonderful lady and your Mother is so very proud of you!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: It's been a year...

Pam,

Thinking of you on your Mum's first anniversary.

Your Mum is always with you ,alongside you in everything you do. Treasure your memories of your Mum.

Wishing you a peaceful Easter.

Katie

PS Well done on the volunteering!

Re: It's been a year...

Love you, too, Pam!!  I know from your posts how compassionate & caring you are & I send my very best wishes to you as you mark this sad milestone.

Julia xx

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: It's been a year...

God bless you Pam.  I lost my precious mom on April 1, 2007.  I miss her every single day.  This cancer is so devastating!!!  Each year to honor my mom on 4/1 the kids and I go to her favorite beach and write on a balloon ( messages to her )  then we let it go and send it to heaven for her.  We also write in the sand messages to her.  It's a good day to spend in remembrance of her and my kids look forward to it.  A good friend of mine who lost her dad 5  years ago said, the pain never goes away but the intensity of the pain gets better each year.  I have to agree with her...hang in there.  Sending lots of hugs and love xoxo   Vicky

Re: It's been a year...

What a beautiful image, Vicky; thank you for sharing it.

And a very BIG welcome to the boards!!

Julia x

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: It's been a year...

Pam,I have been around long enough to remember your mothers passing last year,The time has gone quickly yet slowly.You have been a kind and caring woman,Pam and we love you back                         Janet x

Re: It's been a year...

Pam , 

I too remember and share your sadness and grieving.  You are so right, this is the most difficult thing any of us will ever have to do, but we are all here to help & support each other and yes, we all love you too.

Love & Hugs.
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: It's been a year...

Pam,

You are a great daughter and I'm sure that your Mom was very proud of you.  It is great that you are doing things in the honor of your mother.  Hang on to those good memories of your Mom.  I'm praying that your grieving will lessen in time and that you'll be able to smile and get that warm feeling when you think of your Mom.

All my best,

Rick

Ulcerative Colitis 1990, Stage 0 colon cancer and subsequent colectomy with J-pouch in 7/2005, PSC 7/2005, Klatsin CCA 8/2009

10 (edited by Linda Z Fri, 16 Apr 2010 20:34:39)

Re: It's been a year...

Pam,

I understand your sorrows.  My father passed away 1 month after my son was born.  You have had a lot of "firsts" in this last year, and this is another one to endure, but it does get better.  It does.  I spent a lot of time at the cemetery remembering my Dad and trying to find something to "do" that could help me get over the grief.  I now spend time planting grass seed and flowers at  the cemetery and actually put a wind chime up in a tree near his stone.  It was my way of leaving something with him. 

My father-in-law passed away a little over a year ago too, and we also remember him by carrying on what he had done.  He used to make sure that other family that had passed away always had flowers or wreaths on their graves on special days.  He was a very big humanitarian and was always helping people.  It sounds like your mother was the same.  And it also sounds like you learned that from her and are carrying on her legacy that she left for you. 

Family may always remember family, but it's another thing to leave behind something for them to continue on with.  Your mother would be proud. 

I saw this somewhere and it always sticks in my mind ....

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."