Topic: SENSITIVE - Carer Depression
I'm posting in this section because I'm sure this is all to do with grief arising from my sister's diagnosis. I feel I'm stuck in some sort of slow "quicksand" & I can't get out.
My sister is doing very well & has nearly finished her 8 cycles of chemo - but I've been going through another very rough patch. I've been getting more & more depressed as time goes on & I feel even worse about it because depression feels like such a selfish reaction to be having.
I feel somehow I'm stuck in the future (& a very bleak future it feels when I'm stuck there, too) & cannot drag myself back to the much more optimistic reality of the present. EVERY shred of common sense says I cannot be alone in this feeling but I do feel so alone sometimes.
We saw the Onc yesterday to authorise her 8th cycle - then she has another scan & then we take it from there. No one's yet told us what to expect after that & I think that lack of knowledge & uncertainty is contributing to my feelings - I feel so out of control (& being a lawyer, feeling out of control is very uncomfortable for me!!)
I am definitely feeling better today than yesterday, & I felt better yesterday than the day before - so I know I'm coming out the other side of this again. Thank goodness for Spring -I was beginning to fear it would never come back.
I've had some very kind responses from new friends who've experienced feelings similar to mine, but if my comments resonate with anyone else out there, it will make me feel much less alone to know it. And if anyone else IS experiencing these emotions, hopefully it will comfort you, too, to know you're not on your own with them.
"When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars" - Lee Salk